An Astronauts Guide to Life

I have an upcoming biopsy for suspicious calcifications on Monday. I've been reading and researching non-stop since hearing the results of my diagnostic mammogram back in June. I've been trying to balance reading about calcifications/biopsies/DCIS and trying to “not worry" by keeping busy and distracted. Just now I'm reading a book by the pool, listening to music and my kids and their friends splashing around. It's lovely. I'm reading Chris Hadfield's An Astronauts Guide to Life. He said the question he is asked most often is “how do you deal with your fear?" He writes:

“In my experience, fear comes from not knowing what to expect and not feeling you have any control over what's about to happen. When you feel helpless, you're far more afraid than you would be if you knew the facts. If you're not sure what to be alarmed about, everything is alarming.“

This just struck me as it perfectly describes how I'm feeling currently, and perhaps many of you worried and waiting...

I've heard it echoed here before that the waiting is theworst and that once you KNOW, and have a plan, it gets easier, less scary. He says the same:

“People tend to think astronauts have the courage of a super-hero, or maybe the emotional range of a robot. But in order to stay strong in high stress, high stakes situations, all you really need is knowledge. Sure, you might still feel a little nervous or stressed or hyper-alert. But what you won't feel is terified.”

He goes on to say,

“While play-acting grim scenarios day in and day out may sound like a good recipe for clinical depresssion, it’s actually weirdly uplifting. For me, this has greatly reduced the mental and emotional clutter that unchecked worrying produces, those random thoughts that hijack your brain at three o’clock in the morning. While I very much hoped not to die in space, I didn’t live in fear of it, largely because I’d been made to think though the practicalitilies: how I’d want my family to get the news, for instance, and which astronaut I should recruit to help my wife cut through the red tape at NASA and the CSA. Before my last space flight, I reviewed my will, made sure my financial affairs and taxes were in order, and did all the other things you’d do if you knew you were going to die. But that didn't make me feel like I had one foot in the grave. It actually put my mind at ease and reduced my anxiety about what my family's future would like if something happened to me. Which meant that when the engines lit up at launch, I was able to focus entirely on the task at hand: arriving alive"

Good book if you're looking for a summer read.