Wake up call... time for divorce, cancer or not?

I can't relate but I'm sure you're not alone. I've seen other posts here that are similar.

The waiting to find out if you have cancer or not is one of the most stressful events I've ever been through. It could be you're overwhelmed, it could be you're seeing more clearly where your relationship stands.

You're not alone. Someone here will surely respond with information you can relate to. Best wishes and hugs to you!

So sorry, and as you say whether it turns out to be positive or negative. My marriage has been amicable but that's it for the past 15years. Married 26years He's a good father, I could never complain about that. Around 8 years ago , after my trying therapy etc, to find what was the problem with me, I found out it was not just me, but him also. He's never taken part of the blame. He blames me totally for my lack of not "being in love" with him anymore. Anyway, he has pretty much told me the same, he is angry that i would get half of what we have. I have worked f/t then to p/t during our marriage and raising 3 kids. Still work p/t. My biggest concern is healthcare. I don't get it working p/t. I've been looking for f/t. When I expressed to him about my concern over losing healthcare, his reply was that i should not have thrown all my cards out on the table in regards to going out separate ways. I guess I just never thought how bad it was until I found out I had BC. When I told him, he replied, that sucks. I went through biopsy alone. Dr. visits alone. When it came back positive still the same unresponsive person. Not even a how are you handling this question. I had decided to do a double mastectomy. I made the mistake of trying to pull some compassion out of him and said do you think I will be ok, his reply, of course, you know how you over exaggerate things. I scheduled suregy. Asked if he was coming. He said did I want him to. Did not think I would ever hear that reply to a surgery when i am the mother of your 3 kids who are worried. Forbid something happend during surgery. They should hear any information from him, not from one of my girlfriends who insisted on being there for me. He Never, Ever asked me how I felt. How I was doing. Never went to a dr. appt, not onco appt. never asked how results came out. Still almost a year out, never a word about it. I could not belive that regardless of our situation that he could not even muster up enough compassion for me to ask. A roommate I believe would get more. Maybe it's me, but it really put things even in clearer perspective that I would not be able to rely on him. My youngest will be starting his last year of H.S. in the fall. That's what I was waiting for. I honestly feel I would rather be alone and lonely than sharing a home with someone and still feeling alone and lonely. Yeah, so I get where you are coming from.

I hope you have support from family and friends. You will get through this either way. You will find the strength. Whatever crisis someone goes through can be such a defining moment on relationships with family, friends etc. You learn a lot. I wish you benign results.

I agree with JKL. A lawyer is critical to understanding your rights according to your state laws. For instance, I’m state is a community property state. Assets are split 50/50, period. It sounds like your son is not a minor, so there should be no issues there.

I was married for 23 years and divorced before my bc dx but I know he would have been horrible and of virtually no help even if we had still been married. Many folks can and do go through by and treatment without a spouse, but first please contact an attorney! Take good care of yourself

Im going tomorrow to file the paperwork... I would rather go through this myself than be with someone who Obiously didn't take our vows as seriously as I did.

Somemanyquestions,

Thanks for checking on me. I'm doing ok. I got my bff and my kids. He's been blowing up my phone and texts but still no apologies. I find out my results tomorrow.

Hope your doing ok.