To divorce or not- 4 year survivor and STRESSED
Hi,
I've been wirh my husband 16 years, married for 11 years with 2 small kids. We have been through so much. I am at the point where i blame him for the majority of our issues and considering divorce. I have never been so unhappy in my life and can no longer be supportive BUT I do not want to break up our family. There have been so many challenges from the beginning that we have managed to get through..hospitalized with first pregnancy, extremely poor treatment from his family (now they adore me), breast cancer diagnosis, chemo, etc.., birth of 2nd baby right before diagnosis..so very hard on me, but the biggy..he was convicted of a white collar felony and served jail time..he insists, he is innocent but had to plead guilty to avoid a lot ...SO... he says he has tried and cannot find employment at all...he has gone through our savings, we have sold what we can, his family was supporting us for 4 years (which I did not know about until recently) but got fed up)..my family has loaned him a lot, credit cards are overdrawn, he has pawned anything of value, he has overdrwan all accounts..most of which is in my name..so my credit is screwed..I am taking care of 2 kids..one with ADHD, no estrogen in my body so im insanely tired all the time..I see no hope..he keeps saying ..don't worry...but his moods and and the pressure is too much..any advice please!
Comments
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So sorry, this is a time when you should be taking care of yourself. Do whatever you need to, you have to for the sake of your children and yourself. Good luck.
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You need financial and emotional help. You may qualify for financial assistance. You know your current financial situation is only going to get worse if you do nothing. If you have family that will put a roof over your head for now, I would graciously accept it. If not, try to renegotiate your rent or mortgage payment. Seek financial counseling immediately. I have friends who were ruined financially by their spouses....but...over time, they have returned to solvency. Emotionally? Is keeping your family together emotionally healthy for you? Think about that thought and be honest with yourself. Only you know the answer. Once you decide, then follow what your heart tells you to do. Some counseling might show you the way...
I wish you and your beloved family the best and I wish you well
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thanks!
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thank you!
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Oh that is not good. You should be able to find free counseling for debt issues. GO! Whether or not you decide to divorce, the first step is for you, personally, to deal with your credit and your assets and protect yourself. Best of luck.
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So sorry Brittany you are getting hit with all barrels. One crisis at a time. You have small children. They are your #1 priority along with taking care of yourself.
There are companies who will hire people with criminal records. Probably not the ideal job but s job nonetheless. Obviously he and you are paying the price for his bad judgment innocent or not. Time for him to man up instead of depleting everything you own.
There has to be financial assistance other than family to help out. The breadwinner doesn’t have a job. That has to qualify for somehelp. Emotionally please find someone who can talk with you. At the very least you need a shoulder to cry on.
You will get through this. I know things are going south but they will get better.
Keep the faith and keep us posted.
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Never worry. Life is not short and never depepdent upon anyone. Keep moving in your life and must try meditation.
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I disagree life is too short.
Diane
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I’m sorry this is where you are. No one can tell you when to divorce, it is so personal. I agree with all the advice given here. You MUST choose what is safe for you and your babies. Mental sanity is a real thing! What helped me the most with seeing things clear enough to make a decision was counseling for myself. I knew divorcing after 11 years would be awful in many ways, and I won’t lie it was, but after I left him, financially my stress level was instantly much better. And after the initial pain of leaving, I found I actually had more energy, because I was no longer taking care of an unpredictable adult child (husband). Ichose to move in with my mom with my kids for a year. That gave us both financial and a consistency for my kids. Divorce is no cake walk, especially with kids. But there is actually alot of free help out there, to get through it. A national program called Divorce Care really helped me and my kids. I had a supportive family and as suggested on this thread, after working hard over a few years my credit is now good. I suggest you corral a support system together before making any moves, it really helps. Churchs and other community groups offer emotional supports and practical financial planning, often for free. Good luck sister!
-Caroline
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Thank you! Good luck to you 😍
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Do you trust that he was innocent? Do you trust him in other aspects of life. If the answer is no to either of those then I would consider leaving because I need to be able to trust my partner. What I mean by this isn't that I say I believe him when I have misgivings, but that I don't have misgivings. If I can accept whatever he tells me and be ok with that then we haveva viable relationship. If I have misgivings whether he actually is telling the truth or not, we don't.
The reason for this is, if he is acting in a manner that causes me to have misgivings, even if I have no evidence that he has lied, there are already problems in the relationship that make it unviable for me. I don't need to jump through hoops to find evidence and prove that he is lying.
Suppose I did trust him but he couldn't obtain or hold a job and the household was not economically viable. In that instance, he would have to be willing and capable of becoming the home maker and I would become the financial provider.
Also, I think well defined expectations and responsibilities are important in a relationship. I think modern relationships often lack clear definition and division of these things and can cause a lot of problems.
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