To divorce or not- 4 year survivor and STRESSED

So sorry, this is a time when you should be taking care of yourself. Do whatever you need to, you have to for the sake of your children and yourself. Good luck.

Oh that is not good. You should be able to find free counseling for debt issues. GO! Whether or not you decide to divorce, the first step is for you, personally, to deal with your credit and your assets and protect yourself. Best of luck.

Never worry. Life is not short and never depepdent upon anyone. Keep moving in your life and must try meditation.

I’m sorry this is where you are. No one can tell you when to divorce, it is so personal. I agree with all the advice given here. You MUST choose what is safe for you and your babies. Mental sanity is a real thing! What helped me the most with seeing things clear enough to make a decision was counseling for myself. I knew divorcing after 11 years would be awful in many ways, and I won’t lie it was, but after I left him, financially my stress level was instantly much better. And after the initial pain of leaving, I found I actually had more energy, because I was no longer taking care of an unpredictable adult child (husband). Ichose to move in with my mom with my kids for a year. That gave us both financial and a consistency for my kids. Divorce is no cake walk, especially with kids. But there is actually alot of free help out there, to get through it. A national program called Divorce Care really helped me and my kids. I had a supportive family and as suggested on this thread, after working hard over a few years my credit is now good. I suggest you corral a support system together before making any moves, it really helps. Churchs and other community groups offer emotional supports and practical financial planning, often for free. Good luck sister!

-Caroline

Do you trust that he was innocent? Do you trust him in other aspects of life. If the answer is no to either of those then I would consider leaving because I need to be able to trust my partner. What I mean by this isn't that I say I believe him when I have misgivings, but that I don't have misgivings. If I can accept whatever he tells me and be ok with that then we haveva viable relationship. If I have misgivings whether he actually is telling the truth or not, we don't.

The reason for this is, if he is acting in a manner that causes me to have misgivings, even if I have no evidence that he has lied, there are already problems in the relationship that make it unviable for me. I don't need to jump through hoops to find evidence and prove that he is lying.

Suppose I did trust him but he couldn't obtain or hold a job and the household was not economically viable. In that instance, he would have to be willing and capable of becoming the home maker and I would become the financial provider.

Also, I think well defined expectations and responsibilities are important in a relationship. I think modern relationships often lack clear definition and division of these things and can cause a lot of problems.