Bon's Bag: Be Prepared for Death or Disaster Evacuation

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sas-schatzi
sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
edited August 2019 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Life has it's way of changing course rapidly or slowly. The key to our survival is preparation. Preparation reduces our stress and the stress of our family. We all know stress. One of the things that came out of the 9/11 evaluation is many weren't prepared b/c they were young. It wasn't perceived as a time to prepare. That evaluation lead to many changes in banking law, just as one example.

We may have BC, but doesn't mean we or a family member won't have a catastrophic event that changes our world in one day. Also in 2017, we saw catastrophic events in many areas that required the rapid evacuation of residents across the continent and Puerto Rico.

The purpose of this thread is to prepare. If these things aren't done, do them now.

The following list was created by Bon. She left our community awhile ago. She was a great list maker. We haven't got all her lists, but if members come forward with them we will add them. Bon's Bag will be incorporated in this topic box. I want it always to be center stage to this topic. As time goes on I'm hoping folks will add their pearls(ideas) to this thread. We lost Bon's Bag for awhile. Thankfully 50'sgirl had a copy and was happy to share.

From Bon:

Thought this might be helpful to others...My 'when I die' bag has been hanging in our closet for several years now and my DH knows that it is all he needs to take with him to the funeral home and for handling issues for my death. The bag contains my white cotton gown to be buried in, a cross, photos want in casket with me, and a binder containing the following:

•copy of birth certificate,

•copy of social security card,

•copy of drivers license,

•copy of marriage license,

•copy of DD214 (military service),

•copy of durable power of attorney,

•copy of last will & testament,

•form from funeral home "Vital Information for Death Certificate & Transit Permit" completed except for my age to be filled in.

•form from state/county office of vital registration/records "Request for Copy of Death Certificate" completed for multiple copies and ready to mail with copies of husband & my drivers license and our marriage license stapled to (including Forever stamps on the envelope).

•form from VA.gov "VA Form 40-1330 Application for Standard Government Headstone or Marker" completed except for date of death and date for husband's signature, plus blocks 24 & 26 need to be completed by cemetery then it gets faxed to the Headstone/Marker Office at 1-800-455-7143 and to Scheduling at 1-86-900-6417 along with copy of DD214 for me and husband.

•a copy of the socialsecurity.gov 'Reporting the Death of a Beneficiary" information page where it states to call 1-800-772-1213 immediately to report death so that my SSDI stops and for one-time $255 surviving spouse benefit (the funeral home can do this as a courtesy).

•a copy of husband's union spouse's death benefit.

•My Burial Wishes signed by me (includes no autopsy, no organ donation, no funeral service, no memorial service, no obituary, no embalming, no extras, casket choice, in-casket items.

I have already made an extra copy of the above forms and highlighted what needs to still be filled in on the forms after I die.

I've already put everything and all bills in husband's name and so in addition to the above he will only need to contact automobile insurance, motor vehicle office, and bank. We don't owe anything now.

I've already given away all my possessions except my gold band of wedding ring and it will be on my finger, my clothes & shoes will be donated to Goodwill, and everything in my bathroom drawers shower will be trashed.

Could it be any easier for DH? ha!

I've said all along God really knows me, He knows how organized I am and how important it would be to me to make this as pain-free for DH as possible and for that am truly grateful.

ADDING MORE TO THE BAG / ABOVE LIST (from others' input, along with some more ideas that have come to mind that could be helpful):

•List of all banking/etc account numbers and passwords.

•Letters ready for all 3 credit bureaus to be mailed after my death so that my credit files are closed down - preventing identity theft. Letters are written and envelopes addressed and stamped but not sealed - have a post it note on each to add a photo copy of death certificate to each envelope before sealing.

•What you wish to happen to your pets. A relative or friend that is willing to take on your pet and have all of the pets papers (immunizations etc) and your notes on pets habits/likes/dislikes together in an envelope with contact information for the relative/friend.

•If having a funeral, photos of yourself with family & friends you want displayed at the funeral. Perhaps also have them scanned to a CD for online memorials. You can also make it a slide-show to your favorite music.

•If having funeral, list of your favorite music and burn a CD of those.

•If having funeral, a photo of yourself that you like the best for the funeral parlor to do your makeup and hair the way you like it.

•If having funeral, a 'how you want to be remembered' statement or a poem, etc you'd like read at your funeral.

•If choosing cremation, state where and when (you can pick a special day & time) that you would your ashes scattered. Or you can have your urn of ashes buried if you like.

•If choosing cremation, have a special urn made (penny4cats did this and will share websites about it), or you could make it yourself at a pottery place. If plan to bury the ashes, find a wooden box that fits the urn for this purpose.

•Any special friends or medical team members you want to thank, get some blank inside cards and write a note to them and have the addressed and place a forever stamp on them (so you don't have to worry about postage changes).

•If you have jewelry you want to go to certain people, give it to them now or on a special day in the near future, and tell them about the piece (who gave it to you, when, where, what it's meant to you), this is the same with anything really, give it now so that the recipient will remember that "you" gave it to them rather than you 'left' it to them.

•Don't forget your recipes - pass them on...maybe even make special recipe cards with "from the kitchen of (your name)" so that they will carry on forever.

Whatever you add to the bag, don't forget to add it to the list for your DH/loved one-in-charge (i.e., mail cards, mail letters to credit bureaus, take CD of music & photos to funeral home, etc).

****Also reposting these added items....

Someone may have already mentioned this, but just thought of it when updating a few addresses. Add this to you When I Die Bag:

•Complete list of everyone you want contacted when your gone, with their name and phone number and address. We often have friends that our family and other friends have never met. After passing, notification phone calls are made by family members or friends and having the address will help the family with thank you cards if needed. Also, if someone on your list has a name that is pronounced different then it sounds, write a note in parenthesis beside their name how to say it; i.e. Aja Jones (pronounced Asia).

•Complete email addresses for notification of your death (if you have friends that you have only ever communicated by email and never met). Put these into a word document so they can be copied & pasted into a email To line. (Or put on a USB jump drive for your bag).

•If you're going to have a USB jump drive, make an index for what items are on it and what the items are for. Print the index and place the index & the jump drive in a zip lock bag or if you do a notebook like I did, you can use a 3-ring binder pencil holder.

•You can scan in and save documents in pdf format and then save those to the jump drive, just in case anything gets misplaced there will be a electronic copy of it. Recommend using a separate jump drive for the photos and or music you want at your funeral, just so your private documents don't accidentally land on the memorial slide-show.

•Someone posted before that sending out thank you cards after funeral was too hard or never got around to it. In my small home town paper, I've seen a small business card size ad written by families to thank everyone for their prayers, flowers, cards, kindness, etc.

Your family history with all that you know...(such as maternal aunt died age 39 with breast cancer spread to lungs, paternal aunt died age 44 with uterine cancer, paternal grandmotherdied 93 after complication from fractured hip/osteoperosis and she had diabetes and HBP....)

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

List assembled by Mods that may be helpful.

Thanks Mods :) sassy


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  • SpecialK
    SpecialK Member Posts: 16,486
    edited November 2017

    sas - page 132 of the "death and dying thread", look for the post by 50's girl - it has Bon's list

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    Special K not going to be easy. I tried cut and paste and it wasn't agreeing with my computer. Please, if I can't accomplish this take it over. Bon's list was suplerlative..

    I still tell folks about the day you brought me chocolate in the ICU after my craniotomy, Love you chickie for that.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    50sgirl NHJoined: Jul 2015Posts: 1,340

    Post a reply Report this Post

    Aug 10, 2017 06:45PM 50sgirl wrote:

    Noni,

    Bon had posted several lists of things she had done, documents that her husband would need, etc. Unfortunately, Bon felt the need to leave these boards for personal reasons, and she asked the moderators to remove all her posts. Her lists, of course, were among the items that were deleted. PurpleMinion had saved some of those posts and was kind enough to repost the information for me on another thread.

    This is might be more than you are looking for, but I thought that others might find the information useful.

    This is what PurpleMinion posted for me. This list, including the "additions", was originally compiled by Bon. I have oftenwondered how she did after she left these boards. PurpleMinion said that there were a few other items, but this is the information that was helpful to her.

    From Bon:

    Thought this might be helpful to others...My 'when I die' bag has been hanging in our closet for several years now and my DH knows that it is all he needs to take with him to the funeral home and for handling issues for my death. The bag contains my white cotton gown to be buried in, a cross, photos want in casket with me, and a binder containing the following:

    •copy of birth certificate,

    •copy of social security card,

    •copy of drivers license,

    •copy of marriage license,

    •copy of DD214 (military service),

    •copy of durable power of attorney,

    •copy of last will & testament,

    •form from funeral home "Vital Information for Death Certificate & Transit Permit" completed except for my age to be filled in.

    •form from state/county office of vital registration/records "Request for Copy of Death Certificate" completed for multiple copies and ready to mail with copies of husband & my drivers license and our marriage license stapled to (including Forever stamps on the envelope).

    •form from VA.gov "VA Form 40-1330 Application for Standard Government Headstone or Marker" completed except for date of death and date for husband's signature, plus blocks 24 & 26 need to be completed by cemetery then it gets faxed to the Headstone/Marker Office at 1-800-455-7143 and to Scheduling at 1-86-900-6417 along with copy of DD214 for me and husband.

    •a copy of the socialsecurity.gov 'Reporting the Death of a Beneficiary" information page where it states to call 1-800-772-1213 immediately to report death so that my SSDI stops and for one-time $255 surviving spouse benefit (the funeral home can do this as a courtesy).

    •a copy of husband's union spouse's death benefit.

    •My Burial Wishes signed by me (includes no autopsy, no organ donation, no funeral service, no memorial service, no obituary, no embalming, no extras, casket choice, in-casket items.

    I have already made an extra copy of the above forms and highlighted what needs to still be filled in on the forms after I die.

    I've already put everything and all bills in husband's name and so in addition to the above he will only need to contact automobile insurance, motor vehicle office, and bank. We don't owe anything now.

    I've already given away all my possessions except my gold band of wedding ring and it will be on my finger, my clothes & shoes will be donated to Goodwill, and everything in my bathroom drawers shower will be trashed.

    Could it be any easier for DH? ha!

    I've said all along God really knows me, He knows how organized I am and how important it would be to me to make this as pain-free for DH as possible and for that am truly grateful.

    ADDING MORE TO THE BAG / ABOVE LIST (from others' input, along with some more ideas that have come to mind that could be helpful):

    •List of all banking/etc account numbers and passwords.

    •Letters ready for all 3 credit bureaus to be mailed after my death so that my credit files are closed down - preventing identity theft. Letters are written and envelopes addressed and stamped but not sealed - have a post it note on each to add a photo copy of death certificate to each envelope before sealing.

    •What you wish to happen to your pets. A relative or friend that is willing to take on your pet and have all of the pets papers (immunizations etc) and your notes on pets habits/likes/dislikes together in an envelope with contact information for the relative/friend.

    •If having a funeral, photos of yourself with family & friends you want displayed at the funeral. Perhaps also have them scanned to a CD for online memorials. You can also make it a slide-show to your favorite music.

    •If having funeral, list of your favorite music and burn a CD of those.

    •If having funeral, a photo of yourself that you like the best for the funeral parlor to do your makeup and hair the way you like it.

    •If having funeral, a 'how you want to be remembered' statement or a poem, etc you'd like read at your funeral.

    •If choosing cremation, state where and when (you can pick a special day & time) that you would your ashes scattered. Or you can have your urn of ashes buried if you like.

    •If choosing cremation, have a special urn made (penny4cats did this and will share websites about it), or you could make it yourself at a pottery place. If plan to bury the ashes, find a wooden box that fits the urn for this purpose.

    •Any special friends or medical team members you want to thank, get some blank inside cards and write a note to them and have the addressed and place a forever stamp on them (so you don't have to worry about postage changes).

    •If you have jewelry you want to go to certain people, give it to them now or on a special day in the near future, and tell them about the piece (who gave it to you, when, where, what it's meant to you), this is the same with anything really, give it now so that the recipient will remember that "you" gave it to them rather than you 'left' it to them.

    •Don't forget your recipes - pass them on...maybe even make special recipe cards with "from the kitchen of (your name)" so that they will carry on forever.

    Whatever you add to the bag, don't forget to add it to the list for your DH/loved one-in-charge (i.e., mail cards, mail letters to credit bureaus, take CD of music & photos to funeral home, etc).

    ****Also reposting these added items....

    Someone may have already mentioned this, but just thought of it when updating a few addresses. Add this to you When I Die Bag:

    •Complete list of everyone you want contacted when your gone, with their name and phone number and address. We often have friends that our family and other friends have never met. After passing, notification phone calls are made by family members or friends and having the address will help the family with thank you cards if needed. Also, if someone on your list has a name that is pronounced different then it sounds, write a note in parenthesis beside their name how to say it; i.e. Aja Jones (pronounced Asia).

    •Complete email addresses for notification of your death (if you have friends that you have only ever communicated by email and never met). Put these into a word document so they can be copied & pasted into a email To line. (Or put on a USB jump drive for your bag).

    •If you're going to have a USB jump drive, make an index for what items are on it and what the items are for. Print the index and place the index & the jump drive in a zip lock bag or if you do a notebook like I did, you can use a 3-ring binder pencil holder.

    •You can scan in and save documents in pdf format and then save those to the jump drive, just in case anything gets misplaced there will be a electronic copy of it. Recommend using a separate jump drive for the photos and or music you want at your funeral, just so your private documents don't accidentally land on the memorial slide-show.

    •Someone posted before that sending out thank you cards after funeral was too hard or never got around to it. In my small home town paper, I've seen a small business card size ad written by families to thank everyone for their prayers, flowers, cards, kindness, etc.

    Your family history with all that you know...(such as maternal aunt died age 39 with breast cancer spread to lungs, paternal aunt died age 44 with uterine cancer, paternal grandmotherdied 93 after complication from fractured hip/osteoperosis and she had diabetes and HBP....)

    There is additional information, but I think this is what you were looking for.

    Lynne

    Dx 6/5/2015, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Hormonal Therapy 6/24/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 8/9/2016, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 8/10/2016 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 8/31/2016

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    This is as close to Bon's bag as it can be. Thank you SpecialK for directing me to the page. I some how hope that it has value to others. I hope that people put it in their favs and bump it

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  • Loveroflife
    Loveroflife Member Posts: 5,563
    edited November 2017

    Thank you!

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  • SpecialK
    SpecialK Member Posts: 16,486
    edited November 2017

    sas - glad you found it - I was posting on my phone and trying to copy and paste with it makes me crazy, lol! Bon's bag list is indeed awesome and super thorough - it is good for everyone to check out.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    SpecialK we need to get this into the right forum with a better name now that we have the list. I have had the Mods change forums and headers numerous times with a simple PM.

    "Bon's Bag, Be Prepared for Death or Any Evacuation" ????? Can you think of a better title?

    Forum suggestion.

    BTW I contacted 50'sgirl and she was in support of the transfer.

    Also, thinking of putting the repost of 50'sgirl post in the topic box. That would allow for it to always be the first thing visible. On Ma11's thread we went for about > 30 maybe closer to 50 pages of things for life and death preparation. If that would happen here then the bag wouldn't be lost again.

    Not going to let that happen again. :)

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    Oh Vey, a very long post that went to the netherworld. This isn't what I wrote, but I'm going to put 50'sgirl's post in the topic box and change the name to "Bon's Bag, be Prepared for Death or Disaster Evacuation"

    But I need a suggestion for what forum to place it in. Personally, I'd like it with the first reading section. But you and others may suggest a better place.


    Hugs sassy

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    Hahahah, I had two windows open. There's the first message I thought I lost. Eventually I'll put a picture in one of them.

    Moving along. I'm comfortable with the name change. I'm going to send a PM to the Mods.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    Okay the name request change has been done to the Mods. It will likely look different tomorrow. I did the topic box change. We are off and running. All pearls(ideas) are asked for inclusion.

    Now every person you know, ask how they are prepared. One of our dear sisters was just declared in remission and her husband died unexpectedly. No prep. I feel great guilt on that. I know this stuff. Studied it. I never asked her.

    Ask, then refer them to Bon's List.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2017

    Sassy ~ So many will be helped by having Bon's List available and easily visible. Thank you!

    SpecialK ~ Thank you for guiding Sas to the info. And the chocolate!

    50'sgirl ~ Thank you for posting the list in Death and Dying so it didn't get lost.

    PurpleMinion ~ Sending up "thanks" to you for preserving the list. So sorry you had to put it to use so soon. May your soul be at peace, surrounded by love in the place where lists aren't needed.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    The Mods very kindly assembled and forwarded a list of useful topics that apply to the concept of this thread

    Thanks Mods :) sassy

    We hope this helps!

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  • Loveroflife
    Loveroflife Member Posts: 5,563
    edited November 2017

    Thank you, Mods

    Ms.Sas, could you kindly copy and paste the list in topic box?

    I have already started with my passwords list. Thanks to Mags and you.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    Good idea Loverly, will do

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited November 2017

    Doing this stuff is a pain in the ass, until needed. Then it's a "Yay I was so prepared"

    Be prepared :)


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  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited November 2017

    May I suggest making a list for the estate of the things that will need a death certificate in order to sell such as car/dwelling/stock etc. as well as for closing financial accounts, and for federal, state, county tax returns. It's something you don't really think of unless you've had to do it. It's easier to have the funeral parlor order all death certificates that are needed. Saves the hassle of running short and having to order more.

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  • Traveltext
    Traveltext Member Posts: 2,089
    edited November 2017

    I always thought that Bon left these boards to prepare for her own death, and if she did then how well prepared was she! If she didn't, then I hope she's well and thriving. PurpleMinion took over the IBC forum and people there keep it active since she passed so unexpectedly over a year ago now.

    As to requests for no funerals/memorial services, I've always taken these with a grain of salt, since they can be important for those remaining. I've been to many joyous events that allowed friends/relatives to grieve in their own way and to achieve some closure in their lives. Some have been rollicking, joyous occasions that were really memorable and which the deceased would have loved.


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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2018

    Bump


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  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited August 2018

    Bump.

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  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Member Posts: 1,307
    edited August 2019

    Good advice regardless of your bc status. I've pulled some of these items together to take to my safe deposit box. Once daughter is back from vacation, we'll have her added as an authorized signer for the box so she can get to paperwork if needed. REMEMBER, you not only need stuff in one place (preferably,) you also need someone to know where that is.


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