First day of Summer, I got ILC

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Sabrina46
Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
edited June 2018 in Just Diagnosed

Hello ❤to all you💪 strong, resilient, challenged women here.🤗I hope you all are doing well and pulling out your biggest warrior weapons ever! I can honestly say I am still kinda digging for mine, somewhere between the chinese food and wine I just had!

Yesterday, I went in for my biopsy results of 3 lumps, 2 in my left and one in the right. I went alone 😢again and really knew something was wrong. 😠I had to wait 2.5 weeks to get the results and then I kept looking for my breast doc and he was in his office with door open. I heard some of them don't check results til the day of your appt.😥

He finally came on in after 15 to 20 min wait and wanted to examine me straight away. I said😢 no, please tell me I am getting my results today. Right now.😢 He said well you don't want me to examine you?🤔 I said yes, but please tell me.😢 And his words were 'You have a small cancer that we found and we will be removing it and radiating your chest right after. If your cancer has not spread to lymph node we will begin tamoxifen and you will🤔be fine.We❤ are going to take care of you. My eyes were watering😢 like a sprinkler and I am sorry but I never felt so😢 alone in my life, he told me kindly to change and touched my shoulder.❤

Omgoodness when that curtain closed and they left for me to change into the gown, my ass😠 fell to my knees with my cancer breast hanging out and I cried. 😢😢😢😢I went crazy in my head,😲😭 screaming, wanted to tear something up and punch a wall...hahaha I am not like that, but there was no calmness. All over my face. In my body, get this ish out of my chest now. 😢

Dr. Pace came back and I said I been with you all these years, I trust you and I dont want to die, he told me to 😥breathe and said 'this is early, the left lump is 1.9cm, and your right breast biopsy was😥 fibrocystic change. OKAY! I am not going to lie, I EXPECTED THIS DUE TO MY BIRAD 5, And with all these cysts in my breasts, extra tissue and hormonal changes...my healthcare team always made a big deal of checking them...all 16 of them I now have.

Of course Dr.Pace want me to do a lumpectomy July 16, I said NO, WE DOING THIS ISH RIGHT😲 NOWWWWW, cmon how crazy am I thinking? Everyone knows just because you took 😕it out does not render you free of CANCER! Either way, he looked at my crazy🤤 looking face and left to come back with a surgery date of July 3! Cannot believe in a week and a half I am getting lumpectomy😭😦.

During the lumpectomy we will take out lymph node as well, 1 to 3.' I loved💗 that he said they will take care of me. I know they have been watching my dense, fibrocystic breasts almost 20years.👌 I trust them and will do what they say, my body has been under their care for so long. I have been in and out this forum for years, the experiences told are all heart wrenching but also empowering. My💔 heart has always gone out to anyone with illness, no one asks for it, like a punch in the gut! Forces some of the most meek,😇 sweet, quiet women to literally pull strength, get pro active, even assertive and fight this sneaky, tricky cancer.😈

Well that is my story of yesterday, I swear I felt my life change immediately. Tuesday, I can go back and visit Dr.Pace with questions. Only problem is the path report for er, pr, her2 not finished yet. He may have it by then. My right breast is fine, for now, but the left one has the 1.9cm at 2oclock ILC, and .75cm LCIS at 1oclock ....sclerosing lesion. I see how rare the ILC is and most folks just get bilateral mx due to recurrence rates. Seen some scary ordeals this ILC has caused, my surgical pathology report is already scary but I understand the final pathology report may be wicked after surgery.

How the hell did we get here? I told no one, most of my family is deceased, very few, less than dozen left. Been keeping this in here only, crying fits loads of research studies videos and articles. My diet and workout routine for 15 years made feel my money and time was well spent. Now what? Well that has nothing to do with this. My BRCA1 AND 2 tested in 2010 is negative. Mom is passed, but she had breast cancer years earlier. Mx done and she went bout her bness😗

I hope We all CAN go about our bness too. Thank you Moderators, members/sisters for sharing your strengths, weakness, and triumphs here. My heart truly is with you❤

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  • nonomimi5
    nonomimi5 Member Posts: 434
    edited June 2018

    Sabrina - Thank you for updating us and letting us know everything you went through yesterday. It must have been awful. I feel for you. You can cry and vent as long as you want. It's normal. However, You have couple great things going for you. First, you have an amazing team that cares for you and will do everything to help you. Second, because they were so closely monitoring you, they found your BC early. Your life will change, but you will get through it and come out even better and stronger. Keep us posted on your biopsy report and know that you will be in my prayers. Mimi

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  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited June 2018

    Sabrina,

    Sorry you are here, but we support you. That's kinda how my sucky summer started last year,,biopsy on july 5 by August 7 I had a bilateral mastectomy. I want you to know that I chose a bilateral mastectomy for my own piece of mind. I had the option of a lumpectomy and rads. I chose a bilateral because my sis had had a different breast cancer at 48, 9 years ago, and since I had so many issues with dense breasts and benign lumps that I just was done with it all. My BS supported me straight off when I said "off with their heads" . You do what feels right in your gut.

    I remember waiting for the er/pr and her2..everything a waiting game. biopsy, results, then the hormonal, then when surgery is..then one day, it's here and you move on to the next step. Not sure if you posted in the ILC thread yet. I know it seems there are more with IDC then ILC, but we are here.

    recently at my 6mth onco visit she finally convinced me to do genetic testing. My sister back then they only offered BRCA and she was neg. This test covered 67 genes. I agreed because of my kids. Espec my 21yr old girl. All came back neg. So guess chalk it up to bad luck, enviornmental, or some unfound gene. Pop my tamoxifen daily(doable for me with not any real noticeable side effect) and I'm going up on a year soon.

    You will be too. Glad you have a Dr. you are confident in. I was with mine also. Known her for years. What are you specifically worried about changing on your pathology after surgery?..if you don't mind me asking. The size?..grade?

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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Hello Beachtobeach,

    Thank you for your welcome, and sharing your history. I know you have been through so much and I am sorry about this. Beach yes, it is awful to be diagnosed with this but I always knew bc was coming for me. My dense breasts kept me with this fear, all of the lumps just began to sicken me. I did want the prophylactic mx years ago though I was ineligible at the time.

    I began researching why I did not meet the criteria and also the chance of bc recurrence in breast mx. Awful situations, stories just left me scared but more confused. How much breast tissue is actually left? Will it just find a home on my pec? The best part of mx is no more bc and no more cysts...😀

    As soon as perimenopause came for me 2016, my breasts actually got worse. Both of them, pms gave a warm chest with very painful breasts and anxiety. Honestly, my doc checked my Estrogen levels AND it was normal, but I believe my hormonal changes contributed to this.

    Beach, I seen too many scenarios where once the surgery is done , not only does the specific tumor look different in size, also they find more.The grading and stage changes as well as treatment options. So yes, Dr. Pace gently told me I will be fine with a lumpectomy/rads/pills, however he cannot be certain of that. He was even confident it probably had not reached lymph nodes, those cells are slow he told me. I will see him Tuesday and have a ton of questions for him but truthfully NOTHING is clear til that surgery.

    Thank You so much for your response and I hope I explained my fears well. Also, please know I am hoping for the best for all of us while at the same time have an understanding there can be some issues. For Heavens sake, I want this to be a real reality Dr.Pace set up For me!! So yes! I am going with that🤣🤣🤣🤣. How are your new boobies, chest wall and any tightness? I know you are so happy for this second chance, that is all I want too! Big hugzzzzz!🤗🤗🤗

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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Beachtobeach I did not post in ILC . But that area is a treasure for us. So MUCH advice and yes I know we all have different situations🤔

    The BRCA1 and 2 were negative for me as well. That is another reason why I am like confused and really in a haze. What does it all mean? Please dont answer that!😂

    I am a 47year old personal trainer, Dietetic Technician, Food service supv...in the middle of planning to update my credential, not working now and broke! I resigned from my job May11, and was pursuing another. By May 20th I learn of these issues and dx by First day of summer.

    I am a good person, responsible, and caring. I work so hard, calloused hands from my training. Well since all of this, my muscles are getting soft AND my spirit has been a bit tainted. No matter though, because I am relieved to finally know I was RIGHT. It was coming for me and now I may not feel like kicking butt in the gym, but I do feel like kicking this thing in the butt!👌

    I asked Dr. PACE if I can bench press, will it make my cancer spread? He said of course you can bench? What do I know? Lol! I am scared as hell Beach, laying around and crying. My body is achey from laying around these last 3weeks, barely stretching and working out. No clients. Just reading and researching!!

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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Beachtobeach I did not post in ILC . But that area is a treasure for us. So MUCH advice and yes I know we all have different situations🤔

    The BRCA1 and 2 were negative for me as well. That is another reason why I am like confused and really in a haze. What does it all mean? Please dont answer that!😂

    I am a 47year old personal trainer, Dietetic Technician, Food service supv...in the middle of planning to update my credential, not working now and broke! I resigned from my job May11, and was pursuing another. By May 20th I learn of these issues and dx by First day of summer.

    I am a good person, responsible, and caring. I work so hard, calloused hands from my training. Well since all of this, my muscles are getting soft AND my spirit has been a bit tainted. No matter though, because I am relieved to finally know I was RIGHT. It was coming for me and now I may not feel like kicking butt in the gym, but I do feel like kicking this thing in the butt!👌

    I asked Dr. PACE if I can bench press, will it make my cancer spread? He said of course you can bench? What do I know? Lol! I am scared as hell Beach, laying around and crying. My body is achey from laying around these last 3weeks, barely stretching and working out. No clients. Just reading and researching!!

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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Beachtobeach , the Tamoxifen has a rep of making us feel sick and gain more weight. How is yours treating you? How do YOU get check ups? Are they less or more?

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  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited June 2018

    Cry and cry if that's what you need to do. Lay around,,,scream, kick, or nothing at all. Everyone has their way. I found out as I was driving on my way to a concert for the weekend. Talk about sucking. lol. I cried. Then went for a hike. Cried some more. Went to concert and looked around and wondered how many women had cancer, have cancer or have and don't even know yet that they do. Doing all these things walking around in a daze. My dense boobs were always an issue. Always thought the left, which always had lumps to be biopsied would be the one but the right one failed me. I googled and googled some more,, and we all know Dr.Google finds the worse case scenarios first.

    My BS told me she hoped I would only need surgery and the pill. Since I decided on a dble mastectomy, there would be no rads. She did say it would be depending what they find during surgery with the node. After surgery she told me it all looked good BUT we would wait for the OncotypeDX test to come back in regards to any benefit to chemo. Thank goodness that came back low,,no benefit so no chemo. Just the pill. so yes, things can change after, but hopefully final pathology will be nothing more than you already know.

    As for the tamox, I was/am perimenopausal going in. Im 51. Was still getting my periods every month until the past 3mths. Don't know if it is from the tamox or perimeno. As for checkups...BC dr was 6mths after surgery and then will now be in Aug..1year. PS was 6mths also and then year,,coming up. Oncologist was about month after surgery, then every 6mths. Gyno I did ask for a pre-tamox sono of the uterus to check on the thickness of the lining. For a baseline. So since then I have been back to gyno once and so far so good...he did another sono and still looked good. Now that period has ceased at least for now, that will probably change.

    My new "foobs" aren't bad. Hey much rounder and have cleavage. I had direct to implant. Not enough fat for DIEP and skin to tight to make foobs much bigger than what I had. I had under the muscle placement. I do lift light arm weights. It can be a weird feeling at times, but that's because of the placement. I notice some soreness at times in the armpit but honestly, I was stretching my arms the day after surgery and kept doing it. Full range of motion came quick for me. I only had sentinel node biopsy so luckily I have not experienced lymphedema. My armpit has remained looking a little swollen than the other side. ILC many label as a lazy cancer. Usually slow growing, thats why its so hard to find sometimes.

    You will do great. Once you have it all in place. One thing I kept was my sarcastic sense of humor. Think that pulled me through the most and gave the best front to my kids.



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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Lawd, Beachtobeach thank you again for replying back. Your anniversary is coming up and you over there telling me the saddest funniest story! I am so sorry all this has happened, the name given to this cancer is hilarious I think? The info you just gave me is plentiful. I did not know they could put those implants in so fast. I am so happy you are doing so well and on top of your followups as well as gyn. I have to pull myself together, just had crying fit, and pissed off! The radiation therapy to my breast and risks involved, temp and perm😢😢😢😢😢😢.....what do you do? My breast is looking more vascular and maybe a lil patchy. Thank goodness for your kids, keep your spirit up, I am alone but I sadly prefer to be til I have more answers. Thankful for your warm wishes and hope you having a good weekend!

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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Beachtobeach the pre-tamo sono is a must that I have to work on as well. The direct to implant ? Is that the placement of implants right away with no expanders? Wow! I am extra curious about that and being free from my cystic breasts. I feel awful saying that, but omgoodness new cyst free Barbie Boobies!❤

    The separate surgeries and reconstructions wear me out thinking of it. Also, glad you AND Tamoxifen getting along👌🤗

    I hope I can have things a bit more smooth also, as Dr. Pace explained. Honestly, I really want this thing out of me and tx as soon as possible. It is said we don't have to rush, but I am afraid of the spread. Honestly I am a bit crazy right now, consumed by it. How does it feel to come up on your 1year anniversary?

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited June 2018

    Sabrina46...I had direct to implant reconstruction and also ILC. Let me know if you want more information. Good luck and keep us posted.

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  • Sabrina46
    Sabrina46 Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2018

    Hello dtad, thank you for sharing....I am amazed at all this new info and really fearful about that chest radiation. Cant win! I will be back with Dr. Pace Tuesday. My lumpectomy surgery is scheduled for July3. I wanted it immediately. Not sure about how this works, but I will discuss further with him.

    I want my second chance, and try to avoid further complications. I also want to believe my tumor is small enough as he said to have lumpectomy and rads with Tamoxifen later. I trust him and my team, but this cancer I dont!!!!

    You have done well in your treatment, very happy for you. It must feel good to be on the other side, I really hope to get over there and feel some sort of normalcy. Thank you again for reaching out❤ Best wishes

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