Unique (weird?) reaction to waiting. Am I the only one?
Comments
-
ThreeC - you made me laugh! Can't tell you how many times I've said "why the heck couldn't they have done the other armpit, both legs, bikini, brows....it would also have made the daily commute to rads at least feel like I was going to the spa! Funny thing, I also don't have to use deodorant on the rad pit, no more sweat!
Lyzzysmom - I honestly thought I was the only BC person that ever thought 'yay, time off work!' ....and I loved my job! Thanks for divulging, I don't feeI have to question my sanity anymore!
Unnee - You would think friends would be pleased that you were dealing so positively, and it's a shame you had to explain any portion of your decision to some of them. Different strokes I guess. You made perfect sense to this stoic and I applaud your response...too damned true
-
DeepWaters,
You are not alone! I was diagnosed yesterday with IDC, while I was at work.. I pretty much knew it, so I was ready. I left to get a salad, cried, called a few people, and came back to work like nothing ever happened. I told the key people at work, and continued with my day, as "business as usual". When I got home, I had my parents waiting for me like if they were seeing a funeral director. I felt really bad for them, and somehow that encouraged me to lift them up and be positive. Also, I have a 7yr old daughter, so that makes me stay active and not give up.
I feel like we are the "chosen ones" because we can handle it. I told a few close friends, and they are more devastated than me. Now, I just have to look forward and deal with it. I have no choice. I can't let anyone down, especially my daughter. She does not know, and I am not telling her anything. She relates the word cancer to death, by watching the St Jude's ads, so is better if she doesn't hear that word. I know I am going to make it, and live to tell.
No history of cancer in the family, my last mammogram, Aug 2017, was normal, but I am positive for BC. 2 masses in my left breast, and very visible changes. No doubt! I live in Houston, TX, I feel very fortunate to be close to a great network of doctors and advanced technology.
I am anxiously waiting to know what's next; but just have to wait and see.
Please keep me posted on how you are doing. Feel free to message me if you need a place to stay in Houston.
Hugs to you all!
I
-
Sooooo I'm back to waiting again, this time for genetic testing results so I can make a decision about adjuvant therapy and the need for risk reduction surgeries. Sigh. Does anyone else ever feel like they're on a hamster wheel with this stuff???
Bobby, I totally understand your point about "business as usual." I thank the universe/God/powers-that-be/collective consciousness every day for my demanding job and active home/recreational life because if I actually had the time to bored, it would give me entirely too much time to think ... and that probably wouldn't end well.
I've always coped with overwhelming stress or bad news by allowing myself a tiny piece of time (sometimes even just minutes) to wallow, and then just getting on with it. I think that's why this waiting (again) is so frustrating - I can't do anything until I have all the information I need, and I can't do anything to speed the process up.
Control issues stink.
-
Uneedaklu, hang in there! you are not alone. I feel exactly the same was as you do. My job is very demanding, and when I get home I have a load of things waiting for me to do.
My daughter, 7 years old, is so happy to see me every day after work, that I have to get my chin up and wear my big daddy pants. I've been crying on my way home from work, and by the time I walk in the house I am totally a different person.
The hardest part is waiting for the exact details. I am a "detail" person, and I need to know every single detail before I make a decision, so not knowing what stage I am, how advanced is my cancer, if any lymph nodes are affected, etc, is starting to get to me. But, I need to keep doing what I am doing, if my family sees me stressed or scared, the entire thing crumbles... I guess just the fact that I don't want to deal with any drama now, is what keeps me on my toes..
My doctor's diagnosis was you have IDC, 2 masses, HER2-, ER+, PR+. Grade 3 and a bunch of other numbers and letters. I do not understand any of that. I see my oncologist tomorrow, and will find out what the next step is.
Hang in there, and positive thoughts and prayers your way!
-
BINGO! Both breasts B9! The PA in charge of my "case" went out of the country following my MRI guided biopsy. I was given several apologies for the "dropped ball" with regard to giving me an all clear phone call. But I found the results on-line on my MyChart site before I got a call so I wasn't too upset about the delay.
Relative to this thread's topic: I wanted to relate the reactions I got from family and close friends.
First I called my husband. He was very sedate and said, "That's good news. Thanks for letting me know." Believe it or not, ovr the week or more after the biopsies, we hadn't really talked about the results or that we were waiting. It wasn't the "elephant in the room" or anything. Mostly we were talking about the fact that due to a VERY LARGE hematoma in my right breast (full, black and blue breast larger than a tea cup saucer!), I wasn't able to ride in the Jeep or drive the tractor even with my best (tightest) sports bra on (painful bouncing). But he was very quiet in getting the news. The funny thing was about an hour later he called back and was very animated and excited. He said he was with a customer when I called before and he apologized for not sounding more excited by my news. What's funny is that I didn't think anything of his first quiet reaction to the good news. Actually, I almost preferred it. LOL
Then as promised, I called my best friend who had been a great stoic support. Before the tests, she had been practical and said, "I'm sure you are right about your gut feelings of everything being benign. You know your body well." But when I called to tell her that it was indeed NOT cancer she broke down and sobbed and sobbed and said she was so, so relieved and that she been losing sleep and getting migraines with worry. What the heck!!? It immediately made me regret sharing with her. I really thought she was taking my attitude and being optimistic. She never let on how scared she was! Since she doesn't read this I will tell you now that should I ever have another mass to biopsy, I will not tell her until I get the good news back. I had no idea she was going to be so worried. She's been my best friend for over 20 years. I had no idea she could put herself into such a frenzy. Gosh, I feel really bad she went through that.
Finally, after the dramatics of my best friend, I just texted the few other family and friends I had told I was going through this. They all reacted with the expected, "Great news!" or "Wonderful!" and the like. I didn't call them because I just couldn't listen to anyone else sob with relief the way my bestie did. I really feel terrible about that. Maybe next time I don't tell a soul other than my husband.
So anyway, thanks for all the virtual hand holding Stoic Sisters! It was very nice being in the company of others who react to this type of thing in more sedate ways. Thanks to you all!!
-
I love these posts. My people. I've been in treatment for over a year now and the message always seems to be talk about it, tell people, you'll feel better. I have not wanted to tell a very good friend but I told her about a week ago and her reaction was perfect. Ask a question, accept the answer, and done.
So that helped me to finally put my finger on what bothers me about discussing my cancer with some family members and other friends. They always make me feel, unintentionally I'm sure, that I am not doing the right thing or not doing enough, or I shouldn't go to that doctor, I should try this doctor instead, I should get another opinion blah blah.
I am exhausted with going to the appointments I have to go to. I have had second opinions. I am so so tired of obsessing over my treatment and if I am doing the right thing and if the doctors are telling me the right thing. I don't need anyone else's opinion. They just don't have the first clue about any of this. I am allowed to be at peace with the doctors I now have and the treatments they are suggesting. It's okay. Whew!
Realizing this was a long time coming and it's like a load off. I don't have to tell anyone anything! I don't have to take their advice! I don't have to make them feel better about my cancer! That is all.
-
Great news, DeepWaters! So glad everything's benign. Now you can get back to your summer fun.
DazzlingEagle, I was very careful about who I told. I didn't need to shore up other people not did I need to hear their advice. I felt pretty confident in my plan. I have a brother who called me for 3 weeks, crying, begging me not to die. Yep, nope. Don't need that. My SIL sent me miracle cures via email. Yep, nope. Dont need that, either.
-
Deep - High 5s!!!! I'm so happy to hear the B9 news! You're set free now, but drop by and see us from time to time if you think of it....we can sing old sitcom tunes and toss imaginary caps into the air. Otherwise, go out there and be stoically joyous!
-
Deepwaters- very happy for you! Sometimes I wonder about being on the forums because there’s so much bad news. So your “all clear” makes me happy. 😊 Enjoy your summer!
-
DeepWaters,
Hip, Hip Hooray!! So happy you got good news
-
Roseginger - looks like it’s just you & me kid...left to flip our hats in the air! *sigh*
Anyone interested in a stoics club thread starting over in the life after cancer board...what say you all
-
Great news, DeepWaters!
-
I’m in Egads007!
-
Bring it on Egads- I’m in!
-
okey dokey folksies...I have no problem starting it unless someone else wants to? I Think we should hold off a day or so just in case Deep wants to?
We could post here until it’s a go?
Full of questions ain’t I?
) -
Egads - Nuh uh, I'm still here, too, waiting to hear back from my new best friends at Invitae about whether my DNA wants to try to kill me (I totally plagiarized that from mustlovepoodles ... so clever!).
So happy to hear you ladies sharing good news!
-
DeepWater- best news I've heard in a long time! Congrats to you.
-
HI DEEPWATERS.. I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR POSTS LATELY..BUT NEVER JOINED IN..I AM NOW A LADY IN WAITING FOR THE 2ND TIME..WAS A B/C SURVIVOR FOR PAST 5 YRS AND NOW MY OTHER BOOB IS IN QUESTION. I .HAD SURGICAL BIOPSYS THIS PAST WEEK.. 2 AREAS..NOW WAITING FOR RESULTS.. BUT I AM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.. NOW U CAN DO THE "HAPPY DANCE" ENJOY.. ~HOPE
-
Deepwaters,
Celebrating your B9 -
Gaaaaah, my genetic testing site says my analysis is done and waiting for clinician review. So now I have to wait for the doc to review and then see me before I know what's going on.
Why can't this be everyone else's priority the same way it's mine???? I have things to do and plans to make, people!!!
<end rant ... thanks for letting me vent!>
-
My stoic people, my heart. Such good news, DeepWaters!!
I'm still waiting for my mammo & UA (not until Friday, UGH!) to assess the lump on my left breast. I'll spare you the details as I'm fairly convinced it's nothing. I went from "it's nothing" to "it's cancer for sure" back to "it's nothing" pretty quickly.
I haven't told anyone about the lump 1) because it's most likely something B9, 2) because of the reactions many here note from worried friends/family members, 3) my DH has a very stressful job that's culminating in a really stressful week this week, 4) I think he would worry even more than my mom and his worry will only stress me out, 5) I will feel very guilty worrying anyone when it comes back as nothing, 6) I've never really been "sick" a day in my life. I've had the flu and about 2 years ago got a staph infection (literally a medical mystery!) but I've never been hospitalized, broken a bone, or had anything worse than Basel Cell Carcinoma. It has to be nothing in my mind.
My general philosophy with these things is that there's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about. I've found out the hard way that most don't share this philosophy and are quite offended when I don't show the requisite worry/panic/anxiety. I've learned to fake it.
-
HI LADIES.. WELL I GOT GREAT NEWS.. MY BIOPSY'S WERE BOTH B 9 I WAS SURE IT WAS GOING TO BE CANCER AGAIN..SINCE I HAD IT BEFORE IN MY OTHER BREAST.MY GUT FEELINGS WERE WRONG FOR ONCE !!!. WHAT A RELIEF TO HAVE THE DR CALL & TELL ME GOOD NEWS !! NOW I CAN FOCUS ON MY LIFE AGAIN.. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF U..WISHING U THE BEST..XOX ~ HOPE ****AND I MUST SAY.IF YOURS TURN OUT TO BE CANCER..IT IS NOT THE END... ALWAYS HAVE HOPE !! U WILL SURVIVE
-
Yippee! I do love a happy ending. Way to go!
-
Hope, So good to hear your good news!
DeepWaters, all this talk about importune personal questions reminds me of when I was riding on a bus when my youngest child was already two. A young man asked me, in all seriousness, when I was due and my quick response was, “I'm not pregnant- I'm just fat!" He was mortified...but what else could I say? Maybe I should have made up a due date to avoid embarrasing him but that never occured to me until just now.
-
So happy for you Hope! I went through the same thing last month. After being diagnosed and treated for DCIS last year, they found two suspicions ares on each breast during my first mammogram after treatment. Had biopsy and both came back benign. I was so relieved. Onward!
-
Whitley- hoping for good results for you! Like you, I knew the odds were in my favor and worrying myself sick wasn’t going to change anything
Hope dreams- thank you for sharing the good news!
-
Hi all! I was so happy to share my good news with you all and for those who read our "stoic" thread in the future. It gives hope I know since I gained hope from others who had similar masses etc. and they ended up benign. Getting my good news, I felt so good not only for myself but I know you ladies genuinely shared in my joy and relief.
I think starting a "Stoics" thread over in the other side of the forums is a great idea! (If you haven't already done so, go for it!).
My guess is that due to my very high risk, annual breast MRI's, and family history, I will be turning to all of you again in the future. I'll pop in to say "hi" from time to time. You guys are now my "breastie besties"! Ha ha.
Big group hug to all us stoics! Take care and continue to keep it real.
Deep Waters
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team