What did you tell your children?

I would maybe just describe it as some areas that could maybe be a problem one day so this is to prevent that. And then let them ask questions. At their ages - they're bound to have a few. It's important to be honest so they don't worry that something is being hidden from them.

My youngest was 11 when I had my surgery. She was pretty distraught since I had originally planned a lumpectomy. Emphasizing that I would be pretty much the same after reconstruction helped a lot.

justkeepmoving, I think most thirteen year old girls are more knowledgeable than that and would think you are not being honest with that explanation for a mastectomy. I understand you are trying to protect her, but risk her thinking things are worse than they are by not just being straight forward.

Children are very, very perceptive and sensitive to what is going on in their households, even if they don't express it. If you try to whitewash things too much, they sense it and their own imaginations will fill in the details, often incorrectly, causing more worry which comes out in all sorts of ways (behavioral, emotional etc.). Your children can handle the truth if presented in an age appropriate manner and with the optimism that your situation seems to warrant. I believe that the American Cancer Society has information on speaking to children about cancer. Children will worry much more if they sense things are being kept from them. Best wishes.

I agree that honestly is the best policy. Sadly, I did not take my own advice, and my children ask me to this day why I didn't tell them the truth. It eats me up inside. Here I am preaching to them to always tell the truth, and yet I lied to them.

I was in such a state of shock and agony/dispair that I told them I was suffering from migraines and that is why I had to keep going back to the doctors. What a fool I was. After my bmx, when I was in recovery with drains coming out of me and not doing my normal household duties, my son (age 11) caught on and asked me point blank to tell him the truth. He knew it had nothing to do with a migraine.

They are not fools. They know. Your kids are old enough to know and handle the truth. Just say that there is something inside of you that needs to be removed and then possibly treated.

Best of luck to you.

Agree completely with the others...straightforward is the best path. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, bar none, was telling my 17 yr old son. I simply said ‘I have breast cancer’....and patiently answered all his many questions while emphasizing not to be afraid of asking me anything. I could see in his eyes he was desperately wanting to ask if I was going to die. He did. I told him that I wasn’t planning on doing anything but fight the cancer with all I had, and that while there were no guarantees, he could depend on my stubborn determination to come through alive. That seemed to satisfy him. I met with his school guidance councillor and asked that his teachers be informed so they could keep a watchful eye on any fallout behaviour he might experience...they were wonderfully receptive. Through treatment I noticed an anxious depression starting in him so we went to therapy...which was a life saver for us both. Today at almost 22, he’s happy, healthy and said after my last diagnostic mammo “if I were cancer I’d be afraid if you too!”. The whole experience brought an already close mom-son relationship even closer and stronger...even if he is a smartass...wonder where he got that from? There is no easy way to tell kids, but imho they will appreciate the truth. In my experience they know so much more than we think they do and to cover up may cause more stress in the end. Much luck in this and many supportive hugs!