Freaking out it is spreading to my lymph nodes

Oh my goodness. All of this. I can relate so much to everything. Aren't the "...and she died" stories so helpful? Ugh. And the twinges! Omg. I am having my bilateral mx a week from Monday. Biopsy was four weeks ago, and for three weeks after that, I felt all kinds of zaps, tingles, and twinges going up into my armpit. I'm just trying to tell myself it was my body's way of saying, "Get ready. You think you feel bad after a biopsy? Just wait until you have surgery." And, not to mention all the pains all over--every back spasm, side ache, headache is mets.

I used Ativan (sparingly, but it was there) and Netflix while waiting. I did buy the Mayo Clinic book on breast cancer for overview but didn't do much research at all until I knew what to research, and didn't go online except to this site (where I was basically told it was okay to get the meds!) Exercise, distraction and meds

I went through the same fears after my biopsy - all the twinges, aches, and pains, and swelling in my lymph nodes! I was afraid to talk about it. It's just your body clearing itself up and healing, but it sure was scary. That was also at the point where my mind was going to darker places, and I didn't know whether it was in my nodes or not. More than likely everything is fine. I did take the occasional ativan during chemo, especially when I was on steroids and needed my sleep. As for "...and she died"... I have personally known no less than 13 (I think the number is actually higher, and doesn't count the ones I met in treatment) women who have had breast cancer. 11 of them are still with us, some of them for 13, 15, and 20+ years. I'm 53 now and planning to be on the 30+ year plan! There's nothing like surviving cancer to make you feel alive and thankful for each day...