In denial, having anxiety and how do I tell people?
Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed January 16th with stage 1-2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. So far, I've just had blood work done, a CT-Scan, and genetic testing. Tomorrow, I have a breast MRI and have a tentative surgery set for Feb. 28th. The last two weeks have been such an emotional roller coaster, where I've been scared and angry. I currently feel like I'm in denial. I just don't want to talk about it or read about it or think about it, but I know that I need to in order to educate myself so I can make good decisions and to get my life organized around it.
I am having some anxiety issues when I am alone and have time to think and wonder what any other survivors have to done to combat this. I think part of the issue I'm having is that I don't have a lot of time to deal with it and that I feel a great amount of stress related to not telling/telling people. I feel like I should be doing tons of research right now, but when I go onto websites, I read so many things that might happen and it scares me. Instead, I am stressed about telling my boys, employees and friends. I have of course told my husband, who has been amazing through it all, our parents, as well as my best friend. I have two little boys, 12 and 7; own four small brick and mortar businesses that employ 15 people; have lots of friends in my community; and have friends across the country. I think that talking about it will help me accept my diagnosis and that it will give me, and my husband, a support group that we will need in taking care of ourselves, the boys and the businesses. I just don't know how to tell people and what order to do it in. There is no way I can tell everyone in person, and I honestly don't want to repeat it a bunch of times. I also worry about having to repeat what is going on a hundred times once people do know. Has anyone used Caring Bridges? Or Facebook?
Lastly, how have others dealt with the waiting time to hear results? I am petrified that they'll find something else, but trying to stay positive.
Thanks in advance.
Comments
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Dr Google is NOT your friend. Only go to reputable sites.
Some here have used Caring Bridge and found it useful. I didn’t, so really can’t say.
Stay as busy as you can. When you get a treatment plan in place, life does get easier.
Forget about the “shoulds”. Take care of you, let the rest fall where it will.
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Thanks Spookiesmom! I'm feeling so manic and uncertain about everything. I will try to just take it day by day. -
Basil:
First off, sorry you've had to join our little club. But so glad you reached out and found us. I could not have made it through the past year without the great people here!!!
Also, everything you are feeling is so normal. The angst when you're first diagnosed is horrible. I remember that well and can PROMISE that it gets better with a treatment plan in place and more information under your belt.
Research: My mom went through this 10 years before me and did not do the research that I felt I had to do. And she's fine 10 years later. If you have a great medical team in place, then perhaps you will not feel you have to know everything. If it helps you cope. (And agree -- stay away from blind Google searches.) Just get a solid team (and seek 2nd opinions if you're not sure). I did and it was easy to secure them.
Re: telling people. I'm not on FB and I suppose am fairly private (although I spill everything here!) and I didn't want to tell everyone. So I didn't. Now it's gotten easier. But my neighbors still don't know. I guess I'm saying: do what presents the LEAST stress at this moment. If it's easier, I've heard of some people designating a person as their communications lead. They let everyone else know what is happening. How about that? Or wait until after surgery, unless you have to, then let people know. Just do what you need for you right now. Everyone else must slip to second place for a while. BTW, I didn't tell my 10-year-old son until a couple of months ago what the real deal was. At first, we just went with it's surgery and not a lot more detail. I found that easier for me. Idk why exactly. I just did.
About waiting for results. Well, I came here and did just what you're doing. Asked for advice and just read other's stories to calm my fears. I also asked for a little happy pill to help me. Sleep if nothing else. And I needed it -- for the first time in my life -- at 3am some mornings. Don't hesitate to ask your doctor for this. Many, many here have done the same.
Come back and ask any and all questions when you have more info and have questions in place. I was well prepared for surgery because of my lovely "friends" here. I knew what to expect in some manner and, really, I didn't feel so alone. You are not alone!!!
{big virtual hug from me to you}
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Hi Basil2, I too am newly diagnosed Jan 4th for me. As for who to tell about your diagnosis, I am a hairdesigner and tried telling all of my clients what is going on with me and the first day of this wore me out mentally, I have since asked our desk staff to tell my clients what's up if they have to be rescheduled because of my treatments etc. Maybe you have someone you can ask to tell some of the people in your life too. Family and friends I told right away for support though I am one of those people that when I'm sick etc I shut down and like to be alone. This message board has been the one place I have opened up most and feel comfortable talking about it all. Come here often and don't be afraid to ask any questions even if they seem silly at the time, there are so many people here willing to share they're knowledge and experiences.
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Hi there Basil. Personally, I had a lumpectomy which allowed me to tell only a few people, and only when I had my plan together. Some members of my family only were told two days before surgery because that was easier for me, and I don't regret for one second that I selfishly put my sanity and peace of mind first. If you've decided on a masectomy, then you will be away from regular activities longer, and will have to tell a larger circle of friends + all 15 people at work. But my suggestion would be to keep it pretty brief, and don't use Facebook.
I have a friend who used Caring Bridge when she needed meals and rides to the doctor, and she thought it was great. It also allows you to give updates to everyone at once.
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Hi Basil,
I'm so sorry you're going through this journey, too. I found out in October of 2016 and still haven't told everyone in our world. My kids are all grown and away from home and we chose to wait until we had some definite plans in place before we said anything at all, concerning surgery, chemo, etc. I felt it was better to have as many answers as possible rather than just toss out potentially bad news and cause them to worry unnecessarily. For me/us that was best.
We run our own consulting business and didn't tell anyone who might look at my BC as a reason not to hire us for a new project or not to renew a contract. Cancer scares a lot of people away and, quite frankly, I didn't want to be known as "oh yea, she's the one with cancer." Cancer may be scary but bankruptcy on top of that is insurmountable and we're not in a position to survive for long without my half of our partnership. It's not like I'm covered with some kind of slimy green goo or a big tattoo on my forehead. It's very easy to hide, even the various wigs I've passed off with "yep, another bad hair day and this is so much handier than time in front of a mirror."
As far as my own self image, I, too, am very private...in fact, more so than I ever knew. Maybe that's part of the whole denial thing but, hey, so be it. We're each our own selves, we've just been dealt a really shitty hand, and there's nothing to do but hit it head on, push it out of the way, and get on with our days and whatever they might bring.
Sure, some days I totally forget out it; some days I wallow in all the bad decisions I've ever made, most days I'm somewhere in between. One thing I can say with absolute certainty: breast cancer will never ever define who I am. Period.
And as for your anxiety, two things. Take Xanax or Ativan for your anxiety. If your own doctor won't prescribe it, find another doctor who will. It's there for a really good reason..
Most of all, good luck and keep us posted? -
Hi there,
I used Caringbridge to update my close friends and some family. I was quickly weary of the multiple phone calls, face to face questions, and emails where I had to continue to tell my story or update people, over and over, and what I found was having to respond when I didn't have the energy actually made me relive it all over again, causing anxiety.
After a few weeks I was able to not think about the dx and fear every so often and when someone would call (when Iwasn't thinking about b.c.) and ask me how I was, I was pulled from a calmer place to an anxious one. Sometimes i had to have my husband answer the phone for me when I knew someone wanted me to update them. Caringbridge allowed me to keep a pretty good blog about how I felt, my observations about treatment and all the emotions that went with it, and so it was useful for me to have a place to put those feelings and responses when I wanted to and let others read them.
I had two friends who were upset that I didn't want to talk to them all the time about b.c. and treatment and actually resented that I was sharing info in a central location like Caringbridge. I realized later that they wanted me to personally reassure them I'd be okay through multiple phone calls. since I was the one who needed reassurance I found their behavior kind of selfish.
Personally I don't feel FB is the right venue to share something as personal and serious as this. But I've never been an over-sharer on FB anyway so it's a personal choice.
I kept my announcement to immediate family, with mixed results. I only told a few colleagues. I wore a wig when I taught, so my university students didn't even know I was getting tx. I didn't want them to know; not their business--and wanted to avoid the "sad, sympathetic" look from strangers. Something about a bald head and no eyebrows, or a headscarf and no eyebrows, screams cancer patient. Most of the time I didn't feel too badly, so getting that look--oh, poor thing, how awful--pulled me from a place where I wasn't thinking about c to a place where I had to feel worried. Others wear their bald proudly, but I didn't.
My surgeon rx'd me Xanax to help me with the anxiety.
I'm a university educator and know how to research, and even I scared myself the first few weeks over-researching. I did ask my husband to find some positive research about the type of b.c. I had, etc., and he was more than willing. I also asked my grad school mentor/friend who had a dx of b.c. before me for advice, and she told me about dose-dense chemo (which I had), recommended a great MO (I did get a second op but went with my friend's recommendation), etc. If/when you do research, check the dates the research was released (go with the most current if you can); Mayo, Dana Farber, MD Anderson, NCBI, etc. are all pretty trustworthy. Science Daily is a good site since it offers information in more general terms using research as its foundation.
Just remember you are unique and whatever you need to do will be right for you, and that you will be okay. It sucks but it is also temporary.
Hugs,
Claire
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Thanks so much for all of your posts and for sharing your experiences. I know my journey is just beginning, but I already feel better just knowing that I have this community of strong women to draw strength from. It is comforting to know I am not alone. I still haven't decided how to talk about my breast cancer, but am working on a plan.
Thank you!
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I'm a 'teller'. I told everyone right away and told everyone to tell everyone.
When we got the diagnosis I posted it on my fb page & kept the post public for about a week, then marked it private as I didn't want to be getting comments on it all the time. Dh emailed a couple family members and asked them to tell everyone else. One thing we did stipulate was that we did NOT want people calling us. In the early days we just didn't want to talk about it with people & esp not over the phone.
In person was actually easier. I told my neighbours just in passing - "hi, how are you? I'm crappy actually. I've got cancer and will be starting treatment soon. Yup, really sucks. Anyway, gotta go.... " Everyone was nice, people hugged me, I got a little flower posy dropped off on my porch from one neighbour etc.
I started a simple blog just so I could update a few friends with where I'm at with treatment and appointments. It's password protected, only a few people have the link and the password. It means I don't have to do mass emails etc.
My kids are adult and they knew right from the start that I found a lump and was testing it so they've known all along.There's no one way to do this stuff. We all just muddle through the best we can...
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Thanks for sharing Moth. It is good to hear from a "teller." I feel like keeping it hidden or secret may be causing me more stress, and it may make me feel better to just get it out there. I only worry about the repercussions: people over-contacting me and not being able to be private when I want to be.
Definitely good to hear that it has worked for you.
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Hi Basil2, I was diagnosed in January 29 with stage 1 IDC. I am waiting to find out HR results to get surgery scheduled. I had DCIS ten years ago, with lumpectomy, radiation, and tamoxifen so I am feeling pretty pissed that this has happened ten years later.
I, too, am feeling a lot of anxiety. I made an uncharacteristic move: I was on Facebook when I got the call that I needed a biopsy and i rashly wrote it on my profile. I would not normally post something that personal. However, I have to say I was glad I did. The outpouring of love and caring was just so beautiful and has really helped me feel supported. When I was formally diagnosed on Tuesday, I posted it on FB and again got an amazing response. I decided to call those closest (family and best friends) and then I posted on Facebook. It helped me not have to go over it again and again with others in my life. I have been having trouble letting myself cry over this lousy diagnosis, but reading the loving posts on FB was just the thing I neede to make the tears flow. I am happy I did it.
Remember, this is your journey and if there was ever a time to establish good boundaries, this is it. If you do not feel like talking, say so. If you don't want to return a phone call, don't. What I found the first time was there was a flurry of contact initially which died down to just those closest over time.
I feel so scared and very anxious. We are normal. Our lives have been suddenly interrupted and we are being forced to deal with a frightening health problem. BUT we can and will get though it! I practice mindful meditation and it is helping my anxiety a lot right now.
Love to you
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Paula, welcome to Breastcancer.org to you as well,
We're so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but we're really glad you found us. We hope you'll find our Community another source of wonderful support as you navigate your diagnosis and treatment. We're all here for you!
Please come back often, ask lots of questions, share your experiences, and get the support you need. We look forward to hearing more from you!
--The Mods
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I bought the Mayo Clinic breast cancer book for an overview but avoided research on specifics until I needed to do that- after the info came in from post-surgery pathology. You will probably have an Oncotype test done to determine treatment, if you are hormone-positive and HER 2 negative and that will be helpful.
At this state, I mainly watched Netflix and stayed busy. I got some Ativan from my doctor for sleep- just a few but they really helped in the waiting stage.
Good luck!
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Dr. Love's Breast Book is really good. An easy read and so informative.
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Basil2 - don't go public on Facebook.
Cancer is emotionally draining, time consuming and financially worrisome. Newly diagnosed is an incredibly stressful time. Hopefully your surgeon told you that the breast MRI is to prevent having to go back to surgery but can generate false positives - biopsies of spots that end up benign. I'm guessing your MRI results are in now or will be in a day or two. The best outcome is no other areas to biopsy.
I felt a lump one morning that was still there the next. I called my PCP and made an appointment. I saw her two days before I checked my husband into the hospital for a stem cell transplant. I didn't even tell him what was going on until I had an initial diagnosis five days after he entered the hospital. Surgeon visit, MRI, biopsies, and two plastic surgeon consults happened before I went public. I told my children (early 20s), my immediate family, my husband's immediate family, my boss and the 3 people I was working with, and a handful of friends within the first week. The broader community learned about a month later when I shared on our CaringBridge site (set up for informing friends and family of my husband's progress). Having been a care giver and a sick person, you cannot keep up with who wants to know what. When people emailed me about my husband I sent them to CaringBridge. I didn't answer the questions. The advantage of Caringbridge is that people opt in. I am on Facebook but didn't want my or my husband's health discussed there. I did post his obituary on Facebook - that was the first that acquaintances knew that he'd been ill. I'd predict those people don't know about my illness (fine with me) and 50% of the people at his funeral didn't know about my cancer (again, fine with me).
Probably tell your children separately as you may talk differently to the 7 year old than the 12 year old. Positive and open will help them.
Suggestion - get the outcome of your MRI and any subsequent biopsies. Develop the surgical plan (lumpectomy, mastectomy, etc) and predictions on any other treatment (radiation, chemo). Then stand up a Caring Bridge site. Then send an email to those you'd like to inform, with the link to the site, providing the high level news and that all subsequent information will be shared on the CB site - allowing them to opt in or not. If you don't want it on FB, tell people that and ask them to respect that.
Don't stress about researching. Read legitimate websites and stay away from scary blogs and diatribes.
good luck
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I posted on Facebook to my own network only, and it was the easiest way to inform and update extended family and friends. I used a mix of facts and humor and found out from both comments and private messages that there were a lot more survivors and friends and families of survivors in my network than I ever realized. I'm over 4 years out now and still celebrate milestones with my network - one friend hit the 10 year mark after Stage 3 yesterday.
Like a previous poster said, there is no one right way to communicate and inform. I am a social person who thrived on all of the support from friends and family and colleagues that was afforded to me through social networking as well as live contacts. What saddened me were the people I encountered who made it known to others that they thought I should keep my breast cancer private, as if it was shameful or showed weakness. Thankfully, this was a small minority as most people thanked me for my openness and shared with me how much they appreciated my honesty and forthrightness with my journey.
My advice is to do whatever feels right for you, and that will be the right thing to do. All the best
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Hi, Basil2 - I'm sorry you find yourself here, but welcome.
I really like CaringBridge. I have a big family that's all over the country so not much opportunity for face-to-face conversations. Also, it was starting to be draining in the beginning to keep everyone updated by phone and email. Once you invite people you can ask them to respect your privacy and not share the link if you would like to keep the circle small. (i had a couple of well meaning people share the link with their friends or family I didn't know. It made me uncomfortable since I was making myself very vulnerable in the posts since I thought I was speaking only to my closest friends and family.)
The time right after diagnosis was the most anxiety causing for me. I really relied on meditation. There are some excellent phone apps that have different styles of meditation. I mostly used guided meditations, especially before bedtime. "Insight Timer", "Calm" and "Simple Habit" are some good ones.
Also, don't be shy about asking your doctor for a Rx for a anti-anxiety or sleep-aid medication. This is the sort of situation they are made for.
Outside of my closest circle who knew all the nitty-gritty from the beginning, I sort of just told people as I started to begin treatment and it felt natural. I didn't feel the need to keep it a secret. The support and understanding you'll get from people can be a real boost, and sometimes from the people you'd least expect.
Good luck as you start tackling this new challenge. I swear the anxiety lessens as you get a plan firmly in place and start your treatment.
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Basil, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but know you will find help. How did the MRI turn out? Do you have the results yet? A lot of anxiety is the norm until we get all the information and set up a plan for surgery and treatment. If you have surgery or treatment options, do a search by clicking on the "Search" box in the upper left corner and type in keywords. If you have any questions, just post and someone will answer.
As to telling others, I chose not to tell very many people. I am a very social person and a talker, but in this case, I think I made the right decision. I did not have to repeat my story, hear others tell tales of their great aunt so and so and all the problems she had, and never got that "I'm so sorry for you" look. I know it will probably depend on your treatment. I had a lumpectomy and was able to be back in meetings the following day. I did not have a physical kind of job and no kids bumping into me so could do it. I did have radiation and could work my schedule around them (I had 5 days of twice a day rads) and did not have chemo. Do what you think will work for you in the long run. All the best to you. Let us know how you're doing.
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Basil....I do not do Facebook and at the time did not know about CaringBridge....I myself kept a very small circle because as they say it sure is draining....Good intentions...people can ask questions that you really do not want to answer and they always approach you with someone they know who had Cancer...the BUT about this is ...THIS is YOUR Journey and only Yours....Liz
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I was just diagnosed last March and had BMX at the beginning of May. I did call my 3 grown daughters and my sister (they all live in another state). It never occurred to me to not tell them as soon as I knew I had bc. We have a large group of friends/neighbors where we live, and I sat down and wrote them all an email, telling them of my diagnosis and my wish to be just treated normally. They were all great and other than hugs initially, they didn't treat me differently. When I had my surgery, one of my neighbors organized dinners for us every night for a month. So for me, telling people wa the right ting to do. But I never said a word on FB. And I still haven't. I had so much wonderful support from friends and family and I definitely needed that, so I was glad I told people.
As for anxiety, get something to take the edge off! I started on Xanax initially but have been switched to Zoloft and that's okay with me. It has been a life saver.
I never went through the angry or the why me stages, but that's what I am dealing with now, nearly 9 months later. I guess it's normal to go through the grieving but I thought it would be right after surgery. Everyone's different, I'm told.
I did read a lot when I was first diagnosed but quickly realized that since I wouldn't know what stage or grade I definitely was until my surgery, there was no point in trying to self-diagnose or second guess my treatment. Dr. Google and Dr. Bing are definitely not your friends right now.
Hang in there and keep coming here with thoughts, questions, fears, etc. e all know just how you feel and what you are going through. You will get through this and will make the choices that are right for you.
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I have not read all of the responses, but here is my take on the situation. #1 Don't tell anyone else. Keep it private until your know more about your situation. As my doctor says, stage 1 or 2 are not life ending diagnosis, so react appropriately. #2 Get a counselor to help you deal with the anxiety and xanax medication. #3 Work on a hobby and don't focus on breast cancer. #4 Six months down the road you are going to feel differently than you do now, I promise. Then, if you want to tell anyone or be that shoulder for the next woman diagnosed, go for it. #5 Get walking with some "groove music" like Barry White. It is very healing. Don't stop walking until after your surgery, then rest a bit. Keep moving and get your blood flow going. #6 Cook ahead and freeze meals.
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Basil- I'm 58, with dense breasts, and my cancer was found with an ultrasound on 9/26. My mammo was all clear. So I kind of shouted from the rooftops to every woman I know that I had bc and only found it by US - with no family history either. I let them know if they had dense breast tissue they needed something more than a mammo, or bc might be missed. With diagnosis I did group texts - key once and be done. And copy & pasted to others as texts came in. I'd update as different things occurred.
Research, I only researched up to the point I was at (ie. Lumpectomy). Didn't look too far forward because didn't have all the info (ER+ or -). I believe the more I knew the better prepared I was. That's your call. I did wake up at night after 3-4 hours of sleep, unable to fall back to sleep, I'd research more. All the terms and abbreviations were a new language to me. Stress is stress.
You do what is right for you. As you can see from posts, each of us took the path that we felt was right for us. You can do this, you're stronger than you know, and you have HUGS from each of us that came before you.
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Basil2,
Sorry you find yourself here, but welcome. I'm a fairly private person, mainly I hear everyone else's troubles etc, so I don't even bother with mine. I told only my very closest friends,(and that wasn't until a day before surgery) I don't know, I just did not think I could handle all the sad faces and the keep positive comments that I would get. I know people mean well, but i had to deal with this the way I felt I best could. Months later, I have co-workers who do not know. Many friends I know they know from my other friends, but most have kept it to themselves. My lovely college-aged daughter had posted an instagram pic of me from surgery day(after surgery) with a loving post of being a strong warrior. This was in October. Love her to pieces but could have strangled her lol. I started to get calls from acquaintances because their son/daughter is friends with mine and saw the pic and told them. Last thing did I want to do but field calls or have people come up to me on Halloween as their younger kids trick-or-treated at my house and bringing it up that they saw it and how sorry they are etc.
Guess I'm saying tell who you want, don't feel bad if you feel keeping it limited. If and when you are ready to tell others, you will, if not, not. Everyone deals in a different way.
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Beach2beach,
My niece broke the news to my adult daughter before I had a chance to tell her which really made me angry--it was a privacy-mom daughter thing.
My daughter was traveling for business and on her way home (we lived in the same city) the day I had surgery. My mother insisted on sitting with my husband while I had my lumpectomy-excisional biopsy and so she had access to the bad news. She immediately acted like I was going to die right there on the spot and called my brother and sister, who then told THEIR children.
My daughter knew I was having surgery but I wanted to tell her in person, and instead my niece sent my daughter a text saying "I'm here for you, so sad, etc" and my daughter got the news while she was alone waiting for her flight home, which was what I DIDN'T want to happen. She freaked out because she immediately thought the worst.
Since it was my dx, I wanted to be able to control who I told--and when. It's a respect issue, and I didn't feel respected.
That's the flip side of oversharing.
Claire in AZ
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Everyone here,
Thanks so much for sharing. It is really good to hear from others who have been down this scary path. I have decided that I do need to check in here with my new community regularly to stay strong and to keep hope.
An update: I have now had a CT-scan, genetic testing and MRI. I will not know the results of these tests until February 14 when I meet again with my surgeon. I feel like this is the calm before the storm, when life is still somewhat normal. I hate not knowing what my surgery or treatment will be and am so scared that I might not be strong enough to make it through it. I am terrified of surgery. I feel really anxious sometimes, but I am putting these thoughts to the back of my head as much as possible. I am trying to keep busy with work, spending time with my boys and doing a puzzle and watching lots of shows in my down time.
We did tell a few of our veteran employees, as they knew something was going on and we'll really need them to hold down the forts for us coming up. We also told our sons, which went well. We kept it brief and positive and they seemed fine. We therefore had to inform some of their teachers and principal at school, in case they do get emotional or need to talk. We have also began to tell a few close friends, as we know we'll need a strong support group to help us through. After test results I plan to put my mom in charge of keeping family members up to date via email and my husband or best friend in charge of updating friends most likely through a closed group via Facebook since that is where we can reach almost everyone once.
Today, I didn't feel like leaving the house, so I cancelled my meetings and am not going to leave. Taking it one day at a time.
Thanks again for reading and for the support.
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PaulaMV,
Just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed again recently. Thanks for your comments and I wish you all the best!
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Basil2:
One day at a time is a great way to manage this right now. All you can do.
Everyone is anxious about surgery, but after two in 2017, I can say that everyone on my team was so capable and caring (down to the nurses who came in for the prep stuff at the very beginning). They do this every day. So, really, try not to worry. You'll do well -- and they will take care of you. You may have to lean on family, etc., for a bit, but that is okay, too. When you know what you're doing, express your anxiety to your doctors, let them explain everything (if you want to know details). Ask about their pain management protocol so you're feeling good about what will occur after. Also, there are many lists here for getting prepped once you know what you're doing. Some very small but beneficial tips that NO doctor will ever tell you. I was really well-prepared for surgery!
{hugs}
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I chose a girl that I never give totally personal information to as she's a talker and I'm private. (Her eyes flew open) I knew she would spread the news and she indeed did my work for me!
Then I had one person assigned for wellness updates and people contacted her on my progress. She also was go between for meals and had many friends make meals chemo week for six months. Loved her and friends.
The gossip girl saved me so much story repeating. She's a a nice girl,and isn't a malicious gossip bag but yeah I did take advantage of her natural ability to gab.
All this made me feel totally in control of the situation as I picked the timing of it. Of course family knew first.
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Basil2,
Your post could've been written by me ..I just received results from my core biopsy April 25th , 2 days ago .All I know so far is that it is Papillary Carcinoma. I happened to be at grocery store when my gyn called to 'chat' ..I knew right then and there it wasn't good news. Surprisingly, I took the news very well, and continued shopping like nothing had changed. I went home ,cooked dinner, still thinking it wasn't really so .After dinner I told my husband the news.& said I don't want him making a big deal about this. I think I was in shock or denial or both. It wasn't until bedtime it hit me like a ton of bricks. I kept going over in my head every ache & pain I have had the past few years, & imagining they were all related to this dx. My mind got the best of me. So first thing yesterday AM I called my PCP office.I was just a mess. They got me in right away. My PCP along with the staff really eased my fears. I have an appt Monday with BS. I've chosen not to Google just yet, as it will only confuse/ upset me more. This is still all so new to me .I know I have a lot to learn, but my brain just can't go there yet. I have only told one close friend & husband. It will do me no good at this time to tell my siblings , children etc... when all I know is that it's BC .. I want to be in a better place mentally. My husband found this site..and told me about it ..I think it's going to be a Godsend for me.. Just the little bit I have read, has called my nerves.
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Hi MiCyn,
I, too, have been recently diagnosed with Papillary BC. This is a second BC for me as I had my first bought almost 22 years ago. I have dense breast tisssue and I truly believe mine wentundetected for years even with diagnostic mammograms. It was caught by ultrasound for another suspicion that turned out to be benign. I am just beginning the work up stages to include genetic testing and a full body pet scan. The pet scan scares me because I fear what they will find. I am bracing myself. Be sure to get your pathology report from your biopsy. My tumor is ER/PR+, HER2-, Grade 2 (Mitotic 1) and a Ki67 <10%. These preliminary stats suggest the tumor is slow growing. I,too, fear every pain that I feel in my 51 y/o body. My breast ultrasound and MRI have revealed no suspicious nodes so I am praying that the tumor is contained to the breast. Wishing you the best and do keep us apprised of your diagnosis and treatment. Hugs!
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