How much help did you need and for how long?

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
How much help did you need and for how long?

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  • BCwife
    BCwife Member Posts: 8
    edited April 2018

    My wife is having a double mastectomy without reconstruction next week. I am planning on taking off one week from work to care for her, but returning the following week. Should I arrange for other caregivers? Would she be alright on her own while I'm at work? I'm just not sure what to expect and am looking for insights. What kind of care would she need, and for how long?

  • EncoreKennel
    EncoreKennel Member Posts: 13
    edited April 2018

    Each patient is diiferent.... their pain level, general health prior to surgery, if lymph nodes are removed, if drains are present and other factors. I would ere on the side of caution and line up helpful volunteers but realize you may be pleasantly surprised to learn no additional help is needed. best wishes for a speedy recovery!

  • Engine104
    Engine104 Member Posts: 301
    edited April 2018

    Dear BC,

    My wife is having a single mastectomy tomorrow (4/17). I am also going to be off work for the remainder of this week. I've arranged for my cousin to stay with my wife next week while I am at work. I'm not sure she will need the help, but I think it's a good idea to have something lined up. I think it's good to have someone there, just for company, if nothing else.


  • Shellsatthebeach
    Shellsatthebeach Member Posts: 316
    edited April 2018

    A couple things: Does your insurance cover a traveling nurse? I had one that came to help with drains and changing bandages etc....Drains are usually in for 4 to 6 weeks and will need to be tended to three times a day. Not really something a friend or neighbor should do.

    Secondly, this is such a personal decision. Some people would love the company and/or extra help of someone to help with cleaning or cooking. Others find this more exhausting and prefer to have complete privacy. You also have the in between. Ask you wife how she feels about someone being with her and how often.


    Hope this helps.

  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited April 2018

    I would have been ok physically, emotionally could be a different story.

  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited April 2018

    Today is the sixth anniversary of my mastectomy! I'd completely forgotten until facebook showed me a memory photo of my brother, husband, and me touring a botanical garden, all of us bald as eggs.

    I needed no help and would have found a babysitter annoying. The mastectomy was outpatient surgery--checked in at 6:30 and was home by noon. My surgeon did say that if I'd had a bilateral mastectomy I might want to stay overnight, but I was very happy to go home after the unilateral mx. I got a pedicure the next day. I was riding my bike (slowly and carefully) in five days. The drains came out in about a week, and I was back at work after ten days.

    But...we are all different. You know your wife better than we do. Children in the house? How does she handle stressful situations? Physical pain? Alone time? Do medical things distress her? There's no physical reason she can't manage the drains herself, but all of these factors affect recovery from surgery.

  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited April 2018

    BCwife, here's something else. As farmerlucy said, there's physical recovery, and there's emotional recovery.

    Our breasts are part of ourselves, obviously. Help your wife say a meaningful good-by to them. Did they feed babies, fill out a bikini, look nice in a tee-shirt? Help her thank them for all they've meant to her, and to YOU. Tell them you're sorry to see them go, but thankful for the health that will follow this surgery.

    Silly? Maybe. But it was important for my hubs and me.

  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited April 2018
  • IntegraGirl
    IntegraGirl Member Posts: 147
    edited April 2018

    I was capable of self care and functionally mobile pretty much immediately. I had family/friends help out with yard work and shopping needsfor a few weeks but I could take care of myself. I didn’t really leave my house until the drains were out (10 days) because they’re disgusting and difficult to disguise without looking like a lumpy hobbit.

  • LisaK12
    LisaK12 Member Posts: 107
    edited April 2018

    It is so nice that you are asking. I had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and had no problem doing most day-to-day things for myself. My husband wanted to be helpful with the drains, but that was his choice -- he wanted to feel useful. I have a place where I can get my hair washed, but if I couldn't, I am sure I would want him to do it.

  • Balance101
    Balance101 Member Posts: 29
    edited April 2018

    I had my surgery a week from yesterday. My hubby stayed home from work the day I came home from the hospital (1-night stay) and went to work the next day. As long as I have food made or something easy to make, I'm fine. I can't walk the dogs (he does when he gets home and I go with them, but can't hold the leashes) but I do let them out to pee twice during the day. My hubby washed my hair in the sink for me this weekend. So basically, I need a little help, but he is able to work. Good luck to you and your wife!

  • quaydvt
    quaydvt Member Posts: 48
    edited April 2018

    Just wanted to check in. Had my BMX one year ago today. No recon. Can't believe how different today is from last year. And how fast the year has gone!!! It's been a while since I've been on the boards.

    I didn't need too much help after the initial 3 or 4 days, but my sx wasn't as severe as many - modified radical with no LN's removed. So, as MX's go, relatively undramatic . Worst part for me was the hydromorphone for pain (of which there was none - had a pectoral nerve block - DEE-lightful!! I highly recommend it if you have the option.). Hydro made me nauseous and vomiting for the next 24-36 hours. Once that subsided I was in pretty good shape. I had some help for the first week, then I was on my own. But was really able to be self-reliant within about 4 days. Getting step-stools and putting things I would need daily at counter-top level helped. And do your stretches!!! It's amazing how quickly your mobility can come back if you do that wee bit 4, 5, 6 times a day (basically whenever the urge strikes you!). I was driving in a week (had to drive my "support-staff" back to the airport!) and the drains also out in a week.

    Everyone recovery is going to be different. Depends a lot on your surgeon and your surgery I think. Mine was pretty straight forward, my BS is awesome (still checks me out every 3 months) and I was in great shape very quickly. Back to work in 3 weeks. But recon, LN's &, & ,& can add to the recovery.

  • BCwife
    BCwife Member Posts: 8
    edited April 2018

    Thanks to all of you for responding and the info! We decided a week was enough, and here were are 5 days post-op and I feel confident she will be good on Monday to be by herself. She is doing really well, and is off the pain meds except ibuprofen. There's been lots of uncomfortable poking and prodding but basically she is doing pretty well. This insight really helped, I appreciate it!

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