Husband not on board with my decisions.

I’m sure you are not the only one. There are ladies who posted on this websitewhose spouses and BFFs deserted them when they were diagnosed. Reprehensible and despicable. So much for their wedding vows.

Maybe he’s afraid. My husband is an engineer so I completely understand about over analyzing everything. It’s the nature of the beast but I’ll have to say when he found out I had BC he was very supportive - as he should have been of course. However, I don’t think he wanted to talk about it much because he was afraid. I’ve always been the strong one and the go to person like most wives/mothers are. I kept my game face on most of the time.

Did you ask him to go to your appointments with you? When you meet with your BS ask him to go with you. If he doesn’t talk to your doctor about his attitude. I had a patient advocate who was very helpful.

You shouldn’t go it alone. Tell him you are afraid of just that. You need and should get all the support you need.

Diane

Be your own advocate. I was. Before my mastectomy, my husband dropped me off at the hospital entrance and said "good luck". The doctors all thought I was single. When I developed post mastectomy pain syndrome, all I got was "it's your own fault for making the decision to get a mastectomy". I no longer look to him for comfort or sympathy. I have friends. Sad, but true. If he gets a cold, it is a major disaster but now I am giving as good as I got. Some relationships end long before a divorce. I am hoping he turns around as it might be from fear. (((hug))))

I am so sorry, Kitkat. (((Hugs))) You are not alone.

In my time here at BCO, I have seen some posts about women being abandoned by their Life Partners for having breast cancer.

I have also seen some posts about women whose surgery treatment preferences (for mastectomy) were derided by their Life Partners. Their Life Partners trivialized their affliction and pressured (bullied) them not to have mastectomy surgery.

Your husband needs to understand that any case of invasive breast cancer has the potential to be deadly. He needs to understand and respect that you would prefer to minimize that likelihood -- hoping to head off -- prevent -- that condition, if possible. Would he mind playing Russian Roulette with a mostly loaded weapon? Would it be so different from what he is asking of you -- to wait and see and take your chances, knowing of the danger? But he could avoid that danger by not playing that game. It is not so simple for you, and you could have no assurances of your well-being or dodging the bullet, so to speak, anyway.

Angelina Jolie wrote this item linked here. I think you should read it to your husband. Part of it is directed to the Life Partners of those making the decision you are making.

https://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html

Hello! I am a BRCA1 carrier and i opted for a bilateral mastectomy. My surgery is on April 25th. I just wanted to be done first with my breast surgery and then I am going for hysterectomy. When i found out that i have this type of gene i was reluctant to go through this, but my husband told me that it is best for me to do what doctors say so we don't have to worry and go through the stress of checking every 6 months MRI and mammograms and basically be waiting for cancer to come. Good luck to everybody and wish you all best of luck.