Depression and post cancer

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Tazcaz76
Tazcaz76 Member Posts: 4
edited April 2018 in Life After Breast Cancer

I was so proud of how I dealt with my diagnosis, surgery and subsequent chemo and radio. I was brave and positive and my family and friends were full of praise. 12 months on and I am falling apart. I feel like cancer is everywhere and I cant get away from it. During my treatment my Dad died, finally succumbing to Multiple Myeloma and now my Mum has been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I have Lynch Syndrome so decided to have a full hysterectomy so am in the hell of menopause, which was already pretty shit cos of the Tamoxifen. Have not left the house or got dressed for nearly a month. I am so depressed, so sad, so scared of the cancer returning. Not sure I can take much more. Please anyone out there tell me how to stop feeling this way?

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  • Peacetoallcuzweneedit
    Peacetoallcuzweneedit Member Posts: 233
    edited March 2018

    Tazcaz76 - I am not sure how to tell you to stop feeling this way, because I can relate to a lot of what you say... I will be 12mos out May - and I am trying to move forward daily but get preoccupied with every pain, or bump something being mets....I think it is a part of this whole process...my BS told me to expect it at some point, and dont be shocked if I experience PTSD type experiences....I get out of bed daily and go to work, and because you are not leaving your home Tazcaz, I am hoping you ask for some psych support from your docs? I had a psych eval and the psychiatrist told me I had general anxiety disorder and some classic signs of depression, and that is what I am doing now...trying to figure that out and trying to figure out damn surgical menopause.....it is a rollercoaster...but I breathe daily and remember one day at a time...Tazcaz if you are literally stuck and don't want to leave the house...I think you need to get some help as well...this road is nuts and I have a strong family hx of cancer as well...it just can be overwhelming, but I am hoping you find some blue skies and warm winds...because from one woman to another --> I think you need a break....you are not alone in this that is for sure, but some of our steps to help ourselves feel that way....can you ask your docs for referrals or try a support group??

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  • Tazcaz76
    Tazcaz76 Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2018

    Thanks for your response. I have thought about a support group but am so scared too face it. But I know sitting round the house is not doing me any good. It does not help that I fell down the stairs and damaged my right shoulder so am struggling to do every day tasks. I also had C Diff whilst having chemo and have just never seemed to have got my strength back. God I feel like a miserable moaning person but u are right I need to do something. I will look for support groups in my area.

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  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited March 2018

    Boy, what a year you have had. Be good to yourself. What you are feeling is normal for any cancer patient let alone what you are going through with your parents.

    I go to a cancer centre and do meditation there and they tell us to open up our hearts to ourselves and it helps to remember that. It will ease but you might need to join a group, or get counselling or journalling or just talk about it here. You were busy with treatment and felt like treatment was fixing things so you might feel like you are no longer being helped or fixed and it can really make you feel like you are floundering.

    Hope you find some peace. hang in there.

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  • Tazcaz76
    Tazcaz76 Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2018

    Thanks for your kind words. It is so hard to get the negative thoughts out of my head and am terrified that my Mum may die. She having high risk surgery in 3 weeks or so. She has been with me throughout my journey and I am so scared I wont be strong for her.

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  • bella2013
    bella2013 Member Posts: 489
    edited March 2018

    Tazcaz, I believe there is a grieving process that we need to go thru when we have been diagnosed with breast cancer (or any cancer). It is difficult to resume life as we knew it before diagnosis. Our priorities have changed...things that use to be important to me, I no longer have any interest in. I too could go a month without leaving the house. My husband is my reason for forcing myself to do the things I don't want to do. I am only 4 weeks out from BMX with DIEP Flap reconstruction. I am not sure I have even had a good cry over all the changes in my life in the last four months. I too have put on the positive bright face of this hideous cancer.

    If you went thru a cancer center they usually have a psychologist on staff. Also remember that hormone therapy can cause depression. Turn to your MOor GP for help. They can help you.

    Give yourself a break...you have a triple whammy with your folks plus your hysterectomy on top of your BC.

    Sending you hugs...you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

    Barbar

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  • Tazcaz76
    Tazcaz76 Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2018

    Thanks for your kind and wise words. I think you go through every emotion. My thoughts and prayers are with you Xx

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited March 2018

    Hi Tazcaz76 - I’m so sorry you are feeling so down. Six years ago I was there. It was so dark and deep and scary in that well I could see no way out. Here are a few lifelines thrown to me.

    First - I spoke to the nurse navigator re: counselors, support - she had some good suggestions. Not everything will be a good fit for you. That’s ok. Try a few things, groups, whatever and stick with the thing that helps you.

    Second I made an appointment with my PCP. He got it. He saw that I was in the throws of a major depression. He helped me immensely with counseling and meds. He said “You’re not always gonna feel this way, I promise.” He said he was seeing four other breast cancer ladies and he said we all felt the same way. He joked that we “should form a club.”

    Third, I found a wondering listening ear via a volunteer, retired, social worker at my church. Our hour a week was the only time I felt safe and stopped shaking. Many churches have grief support groups, care ministers, Stephen Ministers, who’s sole job it to listen. I’d bet I could find you some options if you want me to. Just send me a pm.

    Hang in there Taz. I promise, I promise you are not always going to feel this way. One foot at a time, one day, hour, minute at a time. Time is going to help. Meds help. That damn breast cancer radio blares so loudly in our head initially. Eventually though you won’t hear it as loudly. I promise.

    I’m sorry you are suffering. We get it.



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  • Lilypond
    Lilypond Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2018

    There are some very good suggestions in response to your post. I feel you, girl. I was like rolling thunder after my surgery, chemo and radiation. Maybe that adrenaline rush of I'm Going to Beat This! I even made Thanksgiving dinner for the entire extended family and held an open house for Christmas while I was still going through radiation. Then, for some reason, it all stopped. I, too, have tried just about everything I can think of, from counseling (also diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD), mindfulness meditation therapy, physical therapy, reflexology, myofascial release therapy, acupuncture, anti-depressants (which only made things worse). I am right in that spot where I'm either going to give up completely and have a very sad, lonely quality of life, or keep searching and keep trying. Maybe we can make an honor pact, as in you and I are on our honor, that we will start with the little things like getting up in the morning and at least getting dressed. I know, there's not much motivation to leave the house to even go outside for a walk when we stay in our pajamas all day. I'm talking to myself as much as to you: We beat a killer! We have slain the beast! We are freakin' heroes!

    There's no doubt about it, cancer changes a person, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. As well, there is still for some reason a stigma attached to having had cancer. Ignorant people will think they can catch it from you. Others don't know how to deal with the details. Kind people want to help, but have no idea what to do or say so they hide their lack of understanding and their own fears by being superficial. When we go through the "normal" hard times of life, we use that strength to get us through when facing new hard times. As I used to tell myself, "I made it through that, so I can make it through this, too."

    Believe it or not, you are very brave and stronger than you realize. We may be down, but we're not out. We are blazing new trails. It wasn't that long ago that cancer was a death sentence and no one had to think about what to do with the survivors. I think you've noticed you have a lot of support here and we are each part of a new group of pioneers, exploring new territory and making it easier for those who come after us. We are forcing the medical community to not only search for cures for the disease, but also find new treatment plans for the results. Its not that we can't step up to the plate. We have and we've shown them what we can do. Its time for us to make them stop throwing us away once the treatments have been completed. Anger can be very motivating. Because we don't have much of an outlet for our anger and our pain, we internalize it, which makes us sad and depressed and eventually inert.

    You can pm me or just post an open response, but let's get something going here.

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  • Manc
    Manc Member Posts: 66
    edited April 2018

    hi Lilypond and Tazcaz76 hope you don't mind me chiming in. Diagnosed November 2016 but still struggling. Just stopped antidepressants as didn't think they helped had some counselling and chat regularly on a UK forum but can't seem to move on. I'm so terrified of recurrence and my children though older now need me so much. This time last year I was going through chemo and in the grips of depression I've dug myself out for the family but inside I'm falling apart. Feel sorry for lovely hubby who is getting tired of it now . Annoyed at myself as been doing better but today been awful feel i can't keep on. Any support or advice very welcome .

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  • MO-Beth
    MO-Beth Member Posts: 84
    edited April 2018

    TazCaz, I can't offer a single thing, except my prayers, and they are said.

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  • smc123
    smc123 Member Posts: 71
    edited April 2018

    TazCaz,

    I am so sorry to hear how much you are suffering. I can identify so much with your story...you are not alone. I was such a "super star" during my treatment. It wasn't until months after all of my treatments/procedures that my anxiety started. It isn't even easy to discuss with friends or family. They would look at me like your fine and dismiss all of my concerns. Have you tried reaching out to someone at your treatment center? My treatment center offers free counseling. You may be surprised at the additional resources available to you. Besides counseling these are things that have helped me

    Daily goals - be sure to write your daily goals down...so you can cross them off your list.

    Exercise - I just walk on a treadmill or with a friend and this helps me.

    Healthy Diet - I feel better about myself after I eat something healthy as opposed to a pint of ice cream.

    Connect with People - I like to stay connected to people by just meeting for coffee, lunch or a phone call...I try to mix this up with different friends each week.

    Live - I remind myself of this everyday...I did not go through all of this not to live my life...I still have my fears...but I have heard, in time, they will subside.

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  • Lilypond
    Lilypond Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2018

    Dear Manc, you have literally been reading my mail. I'm not that good at giving advice, but I can offer my support. Please don't let it get you down too far. I have a lovely hubby, too. He's been through a lot with me. Though I am retired from working and probably couldn't work even if I tried, he is still working, keeping up with all the medical bills, other bills, doing all the grocery shopping, most of the meal preparation and a great deal of the housework. Sometimes he loses his patience with me. I sometimes think, well, he'd have to do all these things himself if I weren't here, so the only thing making him angry is that I am here and he'd be better off without me. Not true.

    We've talked about it and even though its very frustrating for him, he has told me that his greatest frustration is that he can't make it better. He can't change what has happened. He can't change what is. He can't make me feel better, he can't take away the pain I feel all the time, he feels powerless, and that's hard for anyone. I know it hurts when our spouses get angry, but we get angry as well.

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited April 2018

    So sorry you are going through so much Tazcaz. I can’t even imagine dealing with the pain of the loss of your dad, your Mom’s surgery and now you have the beast to deal with.

    We can all relate to the depression that comes with a BC DX. When the surgeries and treatments stop the reality of the disease sets in. Many ladies take meds for anxiety. I am now doing the same and I’m almost 7 years out. To be fair my issues now are more about other things.

    It does get better. I am part of asupport group at church. Comparing notes and all there for the same reason is comforting just as this website is.

    We are all praying for you and your mom. Keep the faith.

    Diane


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