Young and Stage IV

This disease is so horrible, especially for the young. We need a cure!

I hear you. I pray to make it to my daughter’s high schoool graduation. Originally diagnosed at 33 and stage IV at 37 with a wonderfully energetic now 6 yr old. All my docs say to take care of myself but balancing that with a young child and a full time job is so tough. But I know it is critical so trying every day! This disease sucks at any age. It robs us of a carefree (relatively) existence and causes our parents and children to share the heavy burden. For me that’s the hardest part of being young with this disease and what is different from most others. My parents are scared and my daughter sees a therapist to deal with her worries about me. It should not be this way. At the same time we are lucky to be here now when there are treatments and support which not too long ago and still in many parts of the world are not present. i try to remember to be grateful in the midst of everything.

Hello, I was diagnosed aged 37 and stage 4 diagnosis aged 45, two years have almost gone since then and life is so far very good. I try my best to carry on as normal and to be honest great chunks of my day are as good, if not better, than they have ever been. I do have wobbles and I do get scared but not so often now.

I had my 6 month ct scan last week and have the results on Wednesday, I’m on Tamoxifen and previously had chemo so I’ve definitely been pushed in to menopause. I’ve gained 10 pounds, at least, have the most terrible joint pains and whenever I excercise get the most horrendous hot flashes. The good thing is that I’ve ticked the menopause box where all of my friends have that joy to look forward to. The cancer is not causing me any trouble to date....it was an incidental finding when they X Ray’d my shoulder, I sometimes wish that I still lived in blissful ignorance

@ Candy.. I so get that. Before my second diagnosis, I was worried that I haven't saved enough for retirement. Now, I think “meh, I likely won't live that long anyway". Morbid, I know, but it's reality. I'd love to think I'd liveto 67-70 but, honestly, it's not likely

I was diagnosed with de novo stage 4 MBC at the age of 40. My kids were only 4 and 6 by that time. It is very hard for me that I might not be there to guide them through their life until they are able to walk alone. I really hope that I will survive until they get their high school diploma, because I believe that this is a major milestone in life.

I find it rather challenging to be de novo stage 4 at this young age, because here in Germany there are not so many comparable cases. Therefore, I have to fight out many topics with my MO, e.g. testing for estradiol level to see if chemical ablation plus Letrozole are doing their job.

And I find myself stuck between disease, treatment, kids, household and job, wondering what to prioritize at what point of time. I tend to overdo and end up completely exhausted or with pain, but there is no way to not take care about kids and household (I have someone to clean once a week, but 4 persons make a lot of mess inbetween as well). And we just built a new house 2 years ago, which we still need to pay off (brick houses in Germany are quite expensive), so money is an issue as well.

I am only going to post here once, because I was middle age, in my early 50s when diagnosed, so not young. I know how different my life was when I was 40 compared to early 50s, and I've always felt this disease was most unfair to you younger women.

I wanted to offer insight in case it would help any of you, and if not, please ignore! Having been at this 7+ years, a few things I learned:

When it comes to prioritizing, I go for what is meaningful to me. Your work is meaningful if it makes you feel good that you can help suport your family. I do less stuff with aquaintances and I pick and choose the family events I want to host or attend. Sometimes something as simple as a kind conversation with a sales clerk or a person waiting at the elevators at the hospital with you offers a meaningful interaction.

Simplify as much as you can. When my son was growing up, I liked straightening up the house in the evening around his bedtime. It was nice waking up to a tidy house and it was okay when it got messy thru the day, I would spend 15 minutes at night tossing stuff back to where it belonged. Kids can help, too, (And husband!) and then the kids get that signal that the day is done and time for bed.

Simplify meals, birthday parties and other areas as you go along. It's a process. Look around and figure out what is draining your energy and find a way to remove the energy drain. I had huge piles of photos on a desk that I wanted to sort and put into albums but the thought made me weary. One day I went out and bought several pretty photo boxes, put all photos in, stacked them in the cupboard and no more having them staring me in the face dragging me down. I don't care about putting them in albums anymore.

Try getting out in nature. Take the kids for a walk around the block, a park, a walking trail, a drive on a country road. I find it helps clear my head.

Try to live just today. Live its fullness. Stay focused on today. Then do the same thing tomorrow. Yes,your friends have big future plans but they may be missing the here and now. Then they'll wonder in that future where all their time went. Many of them are caught up in quite a bit of completely unnecessary stuff that adds nothing to their quality of life. I also notice a lot of people with good health putting things off like taking that vacation or visiting that family member several hours away or starting that creative project.. I don't put off stuff like that these days.

Move out of your comfort zone a bit and splurge a little, but don't go all whole hog out on the money. You really don't have to spend big to have wonderful moments. Dh and I got a local pool pass last summer for $50, went all the time and it was one of the best things we ever did.

Seek out fun stuff to do. You are allowed. Watch funny shows or movies, go shopping, try a new food. Really ask yourself every day what might lift your spirits and try to work that into your life. Then work more of it into your life.

I keep a monthly calendar on my dresser. I will write one thing that happened during the day, maybe not all days, but on and off thru the month. Things like, got new kitten! Ds graduates college! Tacos for dinner....Went to movies.....Mary had surgery..... Things we do and accomplish really add up over time.

Don't be obsessed, but do take pictures of yourself with your loved ones, blowing bubbles in the back yard, at a restaurant, enjoying a campfire, at a school function. Take a few photos, then put the camera down and be present with your loved ones. Post those pictures somewhere and you will see, again, over time, how present you are and how many things you have time to do.

I read that we have a view of what our future looks like, career, love life, family, travel, etc. Then something like mbc comes along and derails that vision in an instant. It takes time to rebuild a new vision for our lives. I had to reach deep down into the depths of my being to see if I had what it takes to deal with this diagnosis, and if I couldn’t find it within me, I had to create it.

Best wishes to all of you.

I was 42 at diagnosis 1 month after I adopted my 2 year old grand daughter. That poor child has no idea what a female should look like. Lol. I metastisized at 47. Now I have a hyper obsessive child who wants me to spend every free moment paying attention to her. What Divine said is right. As you go thru this process some things that use to be important really doesnt matter. Its a balancing game. We are soldiers fighting this disease but are also caregivers to family. Prayers for all. This website is my support because non cancer friends cant comprehend. Im thankful for all of you. Healing hug

I was origanlly diagnosed at 42. Matastisized at 45..now 47, found out last week I have a few brain Mets, going through whole rain radiation, I am mom to 3, a 21year old. 19,year old and 15year old youngest 2are special needs, I need to fight with all I can because dh needs me.

Great advice Mrs M. I have found that walking has been my salvation, I have walked miles and miles, keeps me sane. I am now back in core strength classes as well and I love the fact that I’m anonymous and even though my hair is short I don’t look like a cancer sufferer. I tend not to mention BC to anyone other than my closest family and friends. Lots of people have no idea that I’m stage 4 and this suits me fine. I didn’t tell my youngest two children, I was judged quite harshly at the time but I am comfortable with my choice and happy in the knowledge that they have had two blissful years of ignorance without worrying about me.

Who knows what’s ahead for any of us, in the 10 years since my diagnosis I have lost dear friends and family through illnesses other than cancer as well as far more aggressive cancers than I haveand I’m still plodding on. I value the friends that I have here on BCO and when I was first diagnosed with stage 4 the welcome and the support that I had was priceless. As the months have passed I post less and less and now I pop in and out every now again, to me this means that I’m better and for that I'm grateful.

leftrightrepeat, there are many treatments for brain mets. It’s scary but please try not to be too discouraged. Like your username says

Hi all, I'm 37 and was just diagnosed stage IV de novo a few weeks ago. I'm married, but no kids. I'm still in shock, but these boards have been invaluable in helping me start this journey.

Tinyturtle, my heart aches for you and your loved ones. I have a coworker who was diagnosed with MS in his 30's back in the late nineties. While he has been slowly deteriorating physically, he is still able to walk unassisted and work a full time job twenty years later. There's no guarantee that your friend will, but there is a lot of hope.

As far as social security, have you looked into their "Trial Work" period? This would allow you to go back to work for 9 months out of every 5 year period without losing your social security benefits. The nine months do not have to be consecutive, and months in which you make less than a certain amount do not count.

Becs, hugs. You've been picked by nature's unfair lottery to carry a much heavier burden than most, and I'm hoping that treatments will make it easier to carry and allow you to continue for a long way. I know what you mean about wanting to outlive your parents. There are days where I feel almost relief that my parents are both gone and I don't have to tell them that I, too, will probably go before my time.

Netta and JFL, I feel similarly about being caught between family, career and personal wishes. I made a big career switch a year ago, at the age of 41. Even though it entailed longer hours and a smaller paycheck, it opened the doors to exciting opportunities down the road. A week before I found the lump that was going to turn into a stage IV diagnosis I had an admissions interview with a top 5 law school. I had already been accepted to a few smaller schools, including a part time program, but this was my dream come true school. I was on top of the world.

Now I don't know. I feel like Tom Brady when he got sacked by the Eagles - arm still tense, throwing hard the ball of air that was left in his hand after someone had knocked the real ball away. I think that if I got admitted to that school a big part of me would still want to go. I don't think I'm ready to fully admit that the me who "could do it all" is no longer there, even though I look and act largely the same. I want so much to hold onto the part of me that's not a cancer patient and make decisions as if I will still be around ten years down the road. But on the other hand, is this personal dream worth the hard work and time not spent with my family and the vacations not taken if I can't count on what comes after? Is it fair to my husband and little girl? Could I even do it, with the fatigue and the appointments and the constant threat that I might be dead or very, very ill before I get to take the bar? Wouldn't it be nice to just rest instead? Would that feel like I'm just waiting to die?

I know you ladies can't answer this question for me. And it frustrates the heck out of me that I can't, either. At least not yet.

Piggy99: After having stayed at home for 6 months following my de novo stage 4 dx, I have recently decided a apply for a rehab to improve my physical and mental fitness. Afterwards, I will go back into my job as it feels arkward not to be working any more. However, I will not go back full-time, because I do not have the strength to do so and need some rest after lunch. And - most importantly - I want to spend more time with my kids. I want to create as many memories for them on how mummy was as I can to give them something to cling to later on. But since they are in school during the morning anyways, I may as well use this time doing something useful, which in my case is working (I work in a pharma company and ensure that new medication is transferred to large-scale production lines before applying for approval, so it is actually a job that other people truely benefit from, which is one of my purpose-of-life puzzle pieces). I really hope that you will find your right path as to how to re-arrange your life as well. And I certainly hope for all of us that our treatment will be long lasting to make us live our decisions for quite some time.