My wife was just diagnosed

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited March 2018 in Just Diagnosed
My wife was just diagnosed
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  • Daniel86
    Daniel86 Member Posts: 271
    edited March 2018

    Hey everyone

    I am sorry for the intrusion but today the rug was pulled from underneath me and I need to vent somehow.

    After 12 years of being cancer free (lymphoma), my wife was just diagnosed with breast cancer. My world is crumbling at the thought of what could or will happen. It is spread to her armpit, neck and shoulder lymph nodes and God knows where else as she has been feeling random pains for weeks now. I am scared and the process to get diagnosed seems so painfully long I fear it is going to be too late before treatments even start. Our 6 yo is oblivious to the whole thing and I can't imagine life without her.

    I am trying to keep it together for everyone but it is getting harder by the minute.

    Daniel



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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited March 2018

    Daniel,

    I am so sorry your wife has to deal with cancer twice. That just sucks. A few things....

    1. Glad you came here to vent. This is a great place to do it to express fears and frustrations, which gives you a place to do it, yet shields your 6 year old from it.

    2. I think there are some threads for caregivers. I encourage you to join them and get support from others. I think people underestimate the stress on the caregivers.

    3. Once your wife has her treatment plan, encourage her to jump in here and join the chemo board, if that is what her plan entails. It was a sanity saver for me.

    4. I have a good friend locally that had 29 positive nodes...axilla, supraclavicular, and neck. She had a complete response to chemo and is doing well; she just hit her 4 year mark.

    5. Every person who says "what can I do?" ....... give them something to do...a date to bring a meal, a day to come vaccuum, a day to watch your 6 year old for a few hours. People WANT to help, and you'll give them a way to do so, which helps them process this. At the same time, it gives you and your wife relief from doing those things, so she can heal and rest, and you can focus your attention on her and your child.

    6. The first few weeks after diagnosis are the hardest mentally because you feel like you are spinning your wheels in place. Once a treatment plan is in place, you feel like you can forge onwards.

    7. The days I felt I could not hold it together, I went for long walks on deserted bike trails where I could cry all I wanted nad get my emotions out. It helped.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited March 2018

    Hi Daniel, and welcome to Breastcancer.org,

    We're so sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis, and what you're all going through, but we're really glad you found us. As you can already see, our Community is an incredible place full of members always willing to lend support, advice, and answers. We're all here for you and your wife!

    As Kbee mentioned, there's a great forum For Caregivers, Family, Friends, and Supporters where other loved ones of diagnosed people discuss unique obstacles they face. Particularly, The Husbands Corner thread would be an excellent resource for you. We hope you'll join in there and introduce yourself.

    We look forward to hearing more from you soon and supporting you and your wife throughout her diagnosis, treatment, and recovery!

    --The Mods

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  • duffyzmom
    duffyzmom Member Posts: 261
    edited March 2018

    Daniel,

    So sorry to hear about this. I'd love to get in contact. I was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer and am a 7.5 year survivor of DLBC Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I had 6 rounds of R-CHOP in 2010. I've been unable to find many resources online about secondary cancers like Breast Cancer following treatment for NHL.

    My heart breaks for you. My husband is enduring much that you are. Plus, having to tell my children for a second time in their lives that their mom has cancer is just excruciating.

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  • Daniel86
    Daniel86 Member Posts: 271
    edited March 2018

    Thank you all for taking the time to reach back! Your words mean a lot to me.

    duffyzmom, I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I know what you and your family must be going through. Just when you think you are out of the woods. Feel free to reach out via private message if you feel like it.

    They called today from the hospital to schedule her PET scan next week and finalize the staging. One more week of limbo. Good note in this whole situation, we moved to Europe, so at least we don't have to deal with insurance BS on top of everything else that's going on.

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