Husband of 30 yo diagnosed this week

Pmopmo
Pmopmo Member Posts: 3
edited April 2018 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi All,

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer this week. Her Dr said that it looks to be Stage 2 - no sign in breast but a 3.7 cm enlarged lymph node. We meet with her treatment team here in the next week. Not knowing for sure what we are facing is soooo difficult!

We have 2 kids, both have bdays in the next month where they will be turning 1 and 3.

I’m still in shock of the news. I don’t really know how to synthesize such unexpected news. My wife is strong and so are my kids (they are half her 😃). I’m a worrier and have anxiety so I’m probably handling it the worst. I’m trying to change my outlook and am taking up the mantra “Choose Happiness” but it’s counter to my natural instincts.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to accomplish by posting this but needed to vent a little. It all seems like a terrible bad dream. I just hope to wake up soon

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Comments

  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited March 2018

    Pmopmo, welcome to Breastcancer.org. We're so sorry for your wife's diagnosis and all you're going through. We know that the first days and weeks following diagnosis are overwhelming and scary, but please know that the women and men here are amazing so come anytime you need to vent. Sometimes it is a bit slow during the weekend but we're sure you'll get replies from other members here soon.

    We also wanted to point you in the direction of The Husbands Corner(for family, friends, boyfriends, ect.) thread, where you can connect with other husbands going through similar circumstances than yours.

    We hope this helps! Please know that we're all here to support you!

    The Mods

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  • moth
    moth Member Posts: 4,800
    edited March 2018

    HI & welcome. That's sucky news. I hope you find lots of info & support on here. The not knowing what comes next part is super hard. Once you have a plan and a strategy, it somehow all seems more tolerable. I like your mantra. I think it will serve you well.

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited March 2018

    Venting here is good to express fears and anxiety. Keeping a journal is as well, and don't hesitate to talk with a professional. DO accept all offers of help that come in for your family. When people offer to bring meals, have someone set up a meal train (website where people can sign up to bring meals), have people help with cleaning, watch the kids, etc. Accept every offer of help. You'll be on the other side of this and able to help others later, but for now, accepting help allows others to not feel helpless when they WANT to help, it allows you to focus your attention on your wife and kids, and it allows your wife time to rest. She can do this. You can do this.

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  • Pmopmo
    Pmopmo Member Posts: 3
    edited March 2018

    Thanks everyone for the words of support. It has really helped to hear/read about how others are handling this terrible illness. I’m feeling better about us overcoming this.

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  • BCwife
    BCwife Member Posts: 8
    edited April 2018

    Hi there. I'm in a similar boat - my wife was diagnosed last week and she's 35. Looking like Stage 2 for now, but not positive. I love what others said about asking for help, that's been helpful for us so far. Someone else told us the first few weeks of info-gathering are pure hell. Hang in there.

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  • Traveltext
    Traveltext Member Posts: 2,089
    edited April 2018

    The best advice I can give for all partners of BC patients is to become their medical advocates. Attend all appointments, take notes, ask questions and get copies of all your reports. Rinse and repeat with all the specialists.

    This way, your partner has a medical "expert" in the family. As you go on you'll find that the knowledge gained empowers you and provides a logical basis for decisions.

    And post your questions on this forum remembering that there's no such thing as a dumb question. Good luck to both of you and your partners.


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