INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

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  • jaymeb
    jaymeb Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2018
    JunieB

    That's funny. That's happened to me before, and aggravating!!!! Hope you'll remember, I'd like to read your post.
  • jaymeb
    jaymeb Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2018
    Hmmm

    Guess everyone is sleeping. As usual, still up. Sighh. Has anyone ever tried melatonin? Does it help with sleep? Never tried it, not sure if it would work with me due to ambien. I wish there was some way to get off this addictive pill.



  • jaymeb
    jaymeb Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2018
    Sas

    Can tamoxifen cause forgetfulness? I swear, I've been on this pill almost a year, and I think it's affecting my memory. I'll be on hormone therapy for 10 years instead of 5. Apparently, from what I understand, 10 years is supposed to be more beneficial. But, then there's always something changing in the medical field. Can't keep up!!!
  • jaymeb
    jaymeb Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2018

    kathindc


    Exactly, that's why I never wanted the flu shot. Not guaranteed we're better off with it. Oh, well I'm supposed to take it every year for the rest of my Iife. Gotta love breast cancer🙄🙄. I think that's a good idea to stay away from crowds. However, if I lived in DC, that would be hard. I love that place. Just don't like the metro, so confusing. I guess if I lived there, it wouldn't be so hard

  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited February 2018

    Jaymeb memory and concentration issues are a very common and under-reported set of SE's of tamoxifen. You will find many on these boards who experienced it. It is the reason I switched from tamox to AI's. Didn't sort it out. (But did cure the massive muscle knots I was getting in back, neck and shoulders, also from tamox, so that was good). A couple of months ago DH bought me a supplement that I can actually take (as you know many of those midlife type ones are oestregen based and therefore not a remedy for us) I am now on my 3rd month taking it. It is called Clear Brain by a company called New Nordic. It is not dirt cheap here it works out roughly €1 a day, but looks like it is a little bit cheaper where you are. I do feel better on it. It is not a cure, but an improvement.

    This is it on amazon.com if you are curious https://www.amazon.com/New-Nordic-Clear-Brain-Tablets/product-reviews/B01LYSO8VS


  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited February 2018

    Jaymeb, Metro can still confuse me. The routes I’m ok with, BUT I invariably want to go to the exit furthest from my destination even after looking at the signage. I really have to think about which way to turn coming off the train. Being underground distorts my sense of direction. Don’t think I could ever be a mole person, LOL. I avoided rush hour at all costs if I could. Now qualify for senior fare, but if truth be told, I prefer driving. One too many derailments for me to want to chance it. DD2 uses it all the time. Worry when I hear any reports

  • TaRenee
    TaRenee Member Posts: 464
    edited February 2018

    I get a flu shot every year. Mostly because I teach school and my docs always told me to get one. I got mine late this year due to dx and surgery, but I still got it.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    Lover of Life - I am trying not to be in trouble w the law. That is why Hubby is still here. His latest moment in mal judgement is another blog post. I am outlining a short story book w the working title It Was the End of Days. Read into it what you will.

    Seriously though, the accident was the fault of the driver that came in our lane and wedged their little car under our truck before the vehicles went in other directions, and the one who t-bones us after for driving too fast too and having no time to react or brake. I have been waiting nearly 3 yrs for a settlement and now am forced to videotape my second deposition in case I cannot talk, am in no condition to testify or am in an urn the day of court. oh bother, right? Thursday I will be done w that and off to do other things that I hope are more enjoyable, like bahahahahaaaa planning my own funeral which indeed I have found a pleasant experience regardless the unpleasantness associated with these things.

    Danny Boy is better - no more needing out, he is his old self. No more dropsies. We are idiots. No brains no headache and all that jazz. His new dog food arrived and 4 bags of cookies. We call the UPS guy the COOKIE MAN. When he would be in the vehicle w us and see an UPS truck anywhere he would point, when we or they drove by his whole face just fell.

    Jaymed - can you wean off the ambien? Has the doctor told you how? I use melatonin, low dose. I need 8 hrs at least if I take it. But a naturopath at the center told me if I wake up groggy to sit in the sun or at a you know, those special bulbs that gives off light bulb sunshine and it would turn off the sleep hormone and on the wake hormone, that is my putting it into a nutshell, simply as I can.

    I feel like sharing a story for those who are awake at night. Not new.

    http://www.womens-fiction.com/humor/skunk-almost-k... This is in honour of our skunk, Sagie. He is deceased now. Title, the skunk that almost killed me.

    image

  • TaRenee
    TaRenee Member Posts: 464
    edited February 2018

    Bluebird, I love that you love skunks! We have a few in my neighborhood (WILD as heck) and I try to just stay out of their way. But I love to watch them. Last spring there was a whole family in my back yard. They were so cute. I think they left the area when we started having problems with coyote. (I hope they found a safe spot!) Thank You for sharing pictures and stories.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    TeRenee - our first was a wild kit, Pooh. We caught him in a field as he was an orphan and out scratching for food in the sand of the neighbor's front yard in the hot sun. He was the love of my life but don't tell Hubby.

    Pooh - otherwise called Sequoia. We got a permit to keep him because he got pneumonia and then imprinted on us humans and so would be a high risk release. Desaced and spoiled as they come.

    image

  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited February 2018

    Bluebird I had a dream at the weekend that I was looking after some baby pandas and I swear it was your cute skunkies that did it!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    Awwww feelingfine - here's another - this one of Jeronimo when he was little, we adopted him at 6 mo old. Have you ever seen the short video of the panda mom w her baby and it sneezed ?

    image

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    I have been so sad that I lost my singing voice - love love love to sing, blues, R & B, folk.

    Good thing is I have just tried to hold my throat on the side the vocal chords don't close right (nerve damage from cancer lymph nodes) and there is an interesting sound.

    Just had Danny Boy sitting in front of me and we were dancing - he was drooling and dancing because I make his ears fly in time to the music. He had great fun ! So did I !

    Music is one of my stress releasers. Writing. Gardening. Painting. Playing w the dog. Milk chocolate. Strawberry ice cream. Designing publications.

    Pandora radio link to a favourite.

    https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3878578630964...

    on another note I think the title is Unity about women.....

    https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3878582380470...

    My son-in-law in the UK where DD is now, he is a musician and caregiver. He writes, plays several instruments, his voice is dynamic. He likes to do accompanying videos for originals and covers. He wrote a song for my daughter that I cried over, hot white tears. I cannot wait until he is ready to release it on youtube. I will see what I can find to share for these midnight hours if you are stopping in. Of course, it is barely dusk here now. But I plan to be in bed tonight and not have a nightmare and sleep through.

  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited February 2018
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    image


    on his white blankies


    image

    getting a kiss from Hubby. Jeronimo says, "You can have half my bean."

    image

    He was a very very long skunkie and just massive but not really fat. Here he is all scrunched up into almost a ball. Jeronimo and DD Naomi. About 20 yrs ago.

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited February 2018

    OMD owlies yakitty yak. Scanned, but way behind

    First thought Blue, you could write two children books. One about the skunks, and one about Danny Boy. Huge money(or at least what we think is huge money). in children's books. If you don't have an illustrator, contact Magdeline(Mags). She is an incredible visual artist.

    Der new DIL went through shutterbug(??) to create a book. You don't even need a publisher. Not like the old days.

    Jay kinda on a break..........I'm doing it more and more............very good. But to your question about nursing. I started as a young one at 18 as a nurses aide with the intent to see if nursing was what I wanted to do. My joke was always " Watching it from the bottom up" (double entendre). The primary thing I learned as an aide was to be flexible. I floated with joy versus complaint. Gave me exposure to different patient populations. Served me well the rest of my life. That concept allowed me to learn many things. MY joke at the end of my career was I could take someone from home(homecare), ambulance(nurse paramedic), ER, Special procedures/diagnostics, OR(scrub, circle, teach), Recovery, med surg floor. Then home again. My no go areas were hemodialsysis and NICU. Floated enough to ICU that they wouldn't cringe when they saw me coming. The best was running a Paramedic program and Disaster stuff. Those two changed the world. That's fun

  • TaRenee
    TaRenee Member Posts: 464
    edited February 2018

    I love the skunk pictures. I did wildlife rehab here for a few years. Mostly bunnies and squirrels. An occasional deer (which I had to transfer to a federal licensed rehabbed) which was amazing. And one night this little sweet girl showed up in a box on the porch so very sweet There ended up being 4 of them. We had to take them to Virginia because NC doesn’t allow us to rehab them. image

  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited February 2018

    Oh My! All those beautiful skunks! Gorgeousness overload!!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    TaRenee - our first was to be a rehab. We had some bunnies. Didn't get too involved with rehab at our own place once we got the skunks which were all adoptions after their families decided they did not want to deal w the oddities and wild habits like pooing in corners. Well, you just gotta put litter boxes in said corners and keep a rug in front for them to scoot their butts on bcz that is how they wipe. No licking, not skunks.

    Felingfeline - I wish I had more pics of them, I have a lot but never enough.

    This one has a caption. Pooh and Jeronimo HATED Sage when we got him. We could have the older two in yard and they stayed at house w us. Sage had to be in the pen-over. Caption is, "Let's dig him out and KILL him!"

    image

    Sas - I did publish as skunk book, all about Pooh and Jeronimo. Skunk Medicine : There's a A Skunk In the House! and Other Tail-raising Stories. Once we got Lacey and Blossom, the girl skunks later I thought I would publish that book too. And probably, given enough time, I will. I also wanted to write a book about Bear Medicine - which would be stories about the Newfoundland dogs. Right now I am outlining a book I am calling in working title End of Days. Tongue in cheek, this journey, the good and bad and ugly of it.

    The deposition videotaping went well yesterday. I am done w that hurdle. Was overprepped and that is how I did so well. Very few questions really. I was calm, intelligent, fragile, pathetic, funny, pleasant, endearing. And all taped. My attorney questioned me, I knew the role by heart and did perfect. Then Driver 2's attorney asked me 2 questions, I could tell he thought the whole mess I was in was bull, he really showed he felt for me. Later he told my attorney that he will push my ins co attorney to get this settled asap. So I know I read him right. Then my ins co attorney asked about 10 questions on pain and accident injuries, not much else. I think he feels bad but it is not in his control what corporate does w his work, he is in effect the middle man. And so they ar videotaping me. I started out by not letting my attorney get his objections in, he had objections and cases #s after each ? the other attorneys asked. I would start answering before he started objecting. Then I knew I had to just wait. So I started to make these grimace faces at the camera guy when I would interrupt or almost interrupt. I was not thinking of the jury seeing it later. Also I would listen to the ins co ? then turn and give the long Newfoundland face while waiting for my attorney to do his objections. Looked like this. I got giggles today realizing it.

    image

    Not even thinking this was on tape for a jury to see. And a few times the ins co attorney asked a ? and then my attorney objected and I would know my answer but by the time my attorney finished the objection list I didn't know the question anymore and had to turn back to the ins co attorney and politely asked him to repeat the question. I nearly giggled on tape doing that. Because he would, very nice, then my attorney would do the objection list again while I am sitting there thinking, no the answer is no, sir. no, sir.

    Our attorney signed us off on accepting the settlement from driver #1. So they are out of the case now unless called to trial. But I don't see a trial coming. I think this will be settled soon since our ins co only risks us being awarded a lot more from a jury than they will offer. And we do not want and cannot really wait for a trial.

    My attorney asked me 1st to explain why the videotaped deposition was being done. I said I was told over 2 mo ago to contact hospice. And now I am in palliative care with Dunes Hospice for stage 4 breast cancer. That was my first statement. Nothing else about the cancer was mentioned.

    So that is it. Hurdle over. Next I have the med exam by pain specialist that my ins co has requested. But they may just cancel that and settle. Especially if they realize I am going in there and telling their doc that it is ironic I am there with stage 4 bc and liver lesions very large and the accident pain from 3 yrs ago causes me more pain on any given day. Hand, fingers, wrist, feeling of hot water pouring up arm toward elbow, fingers getting stuck after typing for half an hour, all of that. So we will see.

    Fed tax return deposited in our acct today - we filed on 2nd of Feb. One week and done.

    Got to have dinner w my sis and bro last night, Hubby too. Long day.

    And before the deposition Hubby and I were two hours early to it because we had to cross time zone and have very little brains, even between us. We don't know why we cannot do this, but oh well. So we went to the funeral home to get me signed up for cremation and give them my info and partially filled out death certificate and obituary. I told the woman who will be my rep, Tammy, that Hubby would be in next and get arrangements made. And the story about Hubby not wanting cremated, the pull him into the meadow story, my sister figuring out how to do it and set the meadow ablaze. You dod know we ar kidding, right? Tammy laughed so hard. I said and now you too have the story. I forgot to tell her that my sister lovingly calls Hubby, "The Bastard" everytime he does something nice for me and I complain.

    And I found my urn! I am going to purchase this and recycle it, using scattering bags each time. Me, sister, Hubby all want cremated. Here it is. Ceramic. Viridian Sky Urn. Hubby offered that I could buy it early and have to look at. I said no, but now I think yes. Why shouldn't I enjoy this exquisite jewel on my coffee table? I may not use it for a few decades either, we just don't know these things.

    Have to get back to bed. Was in for 2 1/2 hrs and no sleep. Try try again.


    image

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited February 2018

    BLue, you want to be cremated. I get it, it's future problem, I have it too.

    My Greg is in a box in the bedroom. We never discussed how to end it . I did . He didn't. We discussed the funeral and Mass intensely.

    Cremation- intensely. I don't want some anthropologist digging my bones up several hundred years from now and making any suppositions about my life. Ashes to Ashes. Cremation is good with the Catholic church, not burying them not so much. It should be consecrated ground. But Dear Greg is still next to me. I know life is strange. I started in Michigan, then to Ohio, then to Florida..........Still living, no assumption on the end

    But I have told dear son Stephen he is responsible for the ashes. Which means he must carry the containers for his life time. I want us all to end up in the same place. He only once was to Downeyville (grands), I do not know the name where my parents are(it's beautiful). I want to be where Steve is.

    What we laughed about this, is this could take a long time, b/c if he feels the same way, and then his kids feel the same way etc. the carrying of ashes could be a long time

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited February 2018

    Blue, I've read your post three times now. Each reading I find more. Homey. It pretty much sucks, You have people taking care of you that are wonderful and those that are making life miserable. Does that about sum it up?

    Well just in case that life cuts us short on speaking, Thanks Blue for coming into our lives. You are seriously special......Love & Hugs & Prayers

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    Hi all - I was looking for a poem / prose I had posted on a thread I started some years ago. Wanted to copy/paste instead of retyping bcz it is for the ceremony page of photos and prose for guests at my funeral. Found it. While searching, I found this old story I told about when my DD rolled her vehicle. Had forgot. I wonder how I feel about this now. Because I get lost and angry and sad and depressed then I'm all better. Here it is.

    From "The spiritual journey into breast cancer" posted 2013 I think.

    "A few weeks ago, our daughter was driving home from work and rolled her car. I share her story in part because the reference to 'acceptance is the key to all life's problems today,' quoted from the Big Book for 12 step programs (OA, AA, NA, EA, Al-Anon, ACOA (adult children of alcoholics). It is in fact a theory for life, to accept, not an inherent 12-step program survival mechanism. We all need this acceptance. Figuring out how to accept and what, that is harder than acceptance, at least for me.

    My daughter was raised on slogans like this, this too shall pass... easy does it.... the world does not revolve around... let go and let God.... first things first.... you will intuitively know.....

    When she realized she had lost control of her car, she did not accept. When she realized it was going to go off the road, she let go of the wheel, went to her inner self and relaxed to flow with it. She said all these saying went through her mind, as so often they do for her. Let go... let go.... accept....

    Can you imagine accepting as you are going into a three-roll accident down an embankment?

    We have spoken of this at great length since that morning. Last conversation, we compared life issues. Me, breast cancer with lymph node involvement when I was trying to do something else with my life. Her and her dog in a car rolling off the road as the sun rose to a new day when she was heading home from work to sleep.

    We decided that IF we could know the outcome of rolling in the car, that all would be well afterwards, we would roll in the car. It did for her, as both daughter and dog came out without a scratch, her thighs bruised from coming out from under the steering wheel to bounce around and land on the ceiling of the car. She now has a new car, better car, lesser car expenses each month. She found out who her friends are and who loves her most. She realizes what is important in her life, moreso than before. She was always good at that though. She is a strong woman too, one I admire.

    How is breast cancer like rolling a car? If you have breast cancer, you know.

    I decided I would rather roll in the car, with a guarantee first, of course. I would ratehr roll than to face breast cancer every morning I open my eyes. Kind of like bungee jumping, parachuting. Only I am not the adventurous type. I simply go along with the flow. If someone (angel, Creator, spirit guide) whispered in my ear as the car started to roll that it was going to be all right, I would be grateful. But there are never guarantees that the roll would go as planned.

    So here we are.

    Easy does it. This too shall pass."

    Adding, somehow and one way or another it shall pass.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2018

    Sas - the carrying of ashes. Reminds me of the carrying of the sacred fire ashes and embers from one gathering to the next to the next. Spreading a bit to each place, connecting the land and people.

    Sas - I do want to be cremated and always have. Hubby does too. But he said he could hold my ashes until he dies then mix us and have them spread. I immediately thought of my mom's ashes and what my step dad did and I thought no, I want out of that box asap, within reason. But I suppose he could use a tablespoon to mix w his. Like the sacred fire ashes.

    Sas - the head on collision that robbed us of time to go and do when I felt my best - that is the hardest to accept. And then my ins co not settling and dragging this out for 3 years on the 14th. Other than that, no one making my life miserable just now, I have left those all behind and am surrounded by support and a lot of understanding people. It is nice leaving the stressors out of life when possible. And having Steam Room to lay it all out when it comes at me. Those too are support people.

    You think I am special?! I think you are super dooper special. Lady, I hope you have a really clear idea of all you gift to those in your life on BCO and around you.

    A BCO person posted this on the Spiritual journey into breast cancer thread. I love it.

    This is you - Sas. This is you. The lonely bubble that got it......

    "A myriad bubbles were floating on the surface of a stream.
    'What are you?' I cried to them as they drifted by.
    'I am a bubble, of course' nearly a myriad bubbles answered,
    and there was surprise and indignation in their voices as they passed.
    But, here and there, a lonely bubble answered,
    'We are this stream', and there was neither surprise nor indignation in their voices,
    but just a quiet certitude."

    Wei Wu Wei - from Ask the Awakened

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/38/topics...


  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited February 2018

    Blue, Dear Greg had a roll over too. Witnesses said 3-5. When he walked out of ER that night I gave him a hand clap. Shirt torn. Belt injuries. This was a man that I had to fight with about wearing a belt. To the point that I said " Stop the car, if you won't wear a belt, we won't be in the car".

    Your comment " I simply go along with the flow. If someone (angel, Creator, spirit guide) whispered in my ear as the car started to roll that it was going to be all right, I would be grateful. But there are never guarantees that the roll would go as planned." That's what we get in life. One day at a time. We survive on day at aa time with usual stuff. Nothing like cancer. Each day is so unusual versus the last.

    Then cancer, then a different focus. It totally sucks........... every day as it unwinds or winds so tight we loose or breath. Eye matey, what was... isn't, what may be.......... isn't known, what is .........................

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited February 2018

    Blue, no clue, my history would make a new doc think I was a total train wreck. NO clue why I'm not. Actually, feel guilt, Makes no sense to me if I listed everything wrong, why I'm okay at this point. So, I flip back to a purpose.

    As a teenager I tried suicide, when it wasn't accomplished my thought "either get it right or straighten up".

    Well, I straightened up, but that doesn't mean life was easy. OH Vey complicated ever since.

    Then both of us having cancer at once...........very bad.....very sad.

    Dealing with Greg dieing sucked.....dealing with me living sucked........but at the time there was no knowing that was the outcome ...I was dealing with both of us dieing............I just hoped it would be him beforeme ...because I could take care of him. He would have no clue about me or him. OMG I have never said that before-----gotta go

  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2018

    SAS, I worked with a Buddhist woman from Thailand. She said that every home has an altar with a statue of Buddha, flowers, water, and food. The altar has an urn of ashes of deceased family members. When a person dies, their ashes are divided among the households. When a person marries and leaves home, some of the family ashes go with them. I thought it sounded like a lovely tradition.

    I also read a funny story of a man who ended up with the family members fine china and keepsakes. He ended up putting ashes in some of the containers. A soup tureen for an aunt who loved to eat. An antique humidor for an uncle who smoked a pipe, etc.

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited February 2018

    Wren thank you,

  • CeliaC
    CeliaC Member Posts: 1,320
    edited February 2018

    Bluebird - Your urn is beautiful, blue and lustrous. I like to think it is a reflection of your soul. Love your anecdotes, stories and poems - carry on!

    sas - Grateful for your presence on this thread and others. Thank you!

  • Loveroflife
    Loveroflife Member Posts: 5,563
    edited February 2018
  • Loveroflife
    Loveroflife Member Posts: 5,563
    edited February 2018

    Blue, I love the Newfoundland face. Hah! Thanks for the giggles. I clicked on the first pandora link that you posted and was amazed that you like the same music. I was thinking wow what a coincidence, then I realized it was my own favorites. You tricked me. I did like the flute music you had on the second link. Helps me to connect with creations. Beautiful! Whenever I listen to music I am grateful for my hearing and the feelings the music brought out which words cannot completely explain. Beautiful urn. Let me guess....blue is your favorite color.

    Ms. Sas, you attempted suicide when you were a teenager? Same here. I was close, but was too chicken. Glad neither one of us succeeded.

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