I'm a mess

Magnolia-mom · February 2018

I could use some support. I am 41 and homeschooling 3 young children, 3, 8 & 10.

Bi-rads 5-- I believe my outlook is poor-- 2 epicentric invasive tumors of possible different origins, one very large DCIS, swollen lymph node, 3 needle biopsies were taken yesterday

I am trying to research and process this information and am so scared. I am not sleeping or eating. My kids know I likely have cancer and are hurting too. It was to hard to shield them when homeschooling. They are so attuned to me and I am compusively worrying about this. Guilt is here too.

I have been pouring through these boards and see so many hopeful stories. If anyone has words of advice on getting through these waiting stages I would appreciate it. I tried Ambien last night and it only gave me 4 hours of sleep.

dtad · February 2018

Hi there. So sorry you have to be here but welcome. I know you will find this community both comforting and full of knowledge. My first words of wisdom are stay off Google! Stay here for information. Also the beginning is the worst. Once you have all the details and a treatment plan in place you will feel better. I promise. Some people get Xanax to help them with tis difficult part of the journey. IMO being treated at a major university teaching hospital is very important. We are all here for you. Good luck and keep us posted...

Shellsatthebeach · February 2018

Magnolia-mom, waiting by far is the worst part but you will feel so much better once you find a plan and start action. There are so many options for us today. Breathe and know things will get better.

Magnolia-mom · February 2018

I talked to the dr-- all three biopsises were positive, including node. Going to see oncologist tomorrow.

Thank you dtad and shells.

I am feeling numb right now. It is what I expected, but still hard to process. I hurt thinking of my children growing up without a mother.

Silbar · February 2018

Magnolia~~My heart goes out to you. I have never been in your position and cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. I hope your oncologist will be able to provide you with some positive words and a great plan of care. Being a mom and home schooler of 3 kids means you definately have an underlying strength that will get you through all of this. Attack it like a "Momma Bear" and kick it's butt! Prayers and hugs to you.

ElaineTherese · February 2018

Magnolia,

I'm sorry the Ambien didn't help you sleep; there is an extended release version that provides for longer-lasting sleep. Anti-anxiety meds can be helpful; I've had small stashes of Ativan and Xanax every now and then, and they were helpful. By the way, you don't know for sure that your outlook is poor from some positive biopsies.I had a very aggressive cancer (triple positive) that was locally-advanced (over 5 cm. with one compromised node). Nevertheless, my prognosis is quite good now, over three years later. Remember that breast cancer is very treatable! ((Hugs))

anotherNYCGirl · February 2018

Magnolia, - You can and will get through this!! You will feel better when your tests and reports are in, and you have a plan in place.

As you see, there's lots of info and support here. Check out the boards and I am sure you will find others with a similar pathology report and treatment plan. Lots of wonderful people here!

Your children pick up your feelings. Be strong and they will be, too. It is ok for them to know that some days you may not feel the best, but they also need to know that you are still "Mom"! Children are resilient. They will want to help you feel better, and you can/should assign tasks that are age appropriate.

I am a retired teacher and unfortunately, had a number of students with parents dealing with serious health issues. I found those children to be very understanding and empathetic.

Sending hugs and best wishes.

Legomaster225 · February 2018

Magnolia-mom, I’m so sorry. Your feelings and reactions are so normal. It is a scary, shitty feeling when you are first diagnosed and like most moms your fears focus on your kids. You are at the worse part of the diagnosis. You know you have cancer but you don’t have enough information to form a solid treatment plan and path forward. The next few weeks will be a whirlwind of tests and appointments while you get your team together and a treatment plan. Once you are armed with that you will feel like you have some control over this mess. Like you I could not sleep or eat. It makes things worse but let’s be honest people telling you to eat and sleep is useless. We know we need to eat it is just hard. If your doctor can prescribe something for your anxiety it helps. Even if you only take small doses occasionally. I was able to at least drink so I forced myself to drink Boost or Ensure to get some nutrition in me. I listened to mindful meditation on YouTube too. I’m usually not well focused with that type of relaxation but it did help a little. It’s worth a try. It will get better, you will learn more than you ever wanted to learn and you have a whole community here to help you through. Hug your babies, get some rest and take care of yourself. You are not alone, you can handle more than you think, and we will help you get through this.

Fembot · February 2018

magnoliamom,

I recommend filling out your profile so that you receive articles just for you when you sign in. You can customise the type of info to receive up-to-date news to and how to cope emotionally. Plus it makes it easier for others vwith a similar dx to find you

OCDAmy · February 2018

So sorry you find yourself here. As the others have said this is truly the hardest part. I promise it gets better. I too had three positive biopsies including a positive node. But we came up with a plan and I made it through! It's not going to be easy but you can do it. We are all here for you. Do ask for something for anxiety if you need it. It was a great help to me. Hugs.

Magnolia-mom · February 2018

Thank you everyone so much for your support. I really appreciate it. It feels like a warm hug. I'll look closer at your recommendations when I can get through this crying. I didn't check here first before starting a new post with more of my misery in just diagnosed. I need to get these feelings out, so will leave it up.

dtad · February 2018

magnoliamom...Again I'm so sorry. May I ask you to make your stats public. It really helps us answer your questions more accurately. Hang in there. I promise it will get better. We are all here for you. Good luck and keep us posted.

momto3sons · February 2018

Hugs to you, magnoliamom - I can only imagine everything swirling through your head right now. Do you have a follow-up scheduled with your doctor yet?

Jojobird · February 2018

Magnoliamom,

I can only offer my true empathy. Immediately after my own diagnosis, I went into shock. I could not sleep, and had to stop working because of my inability to function. Major anxiety and depression. At the time my kiddo was 11 and she saw me weeping often. This, truly, is the hardest part. I called cancer hotlines, immediately joined a support group, and enlisted the help of friends. It took me about a month for normal sleep patterns to resume, but there were many nights I slept only 1-2 hours per night, sometimes not at all, due to the shock and fear. You are not alone.

This is the time to take radical good care of yourself and ask for help. Ask. I know how hard it is but ask for an ear, a friend to come sit with you and the kids, a walk, a hotline call, whatever it takes. Your mind and body are in shock. And the truth is that most people want to help.

One step at a time, and avoid Googling your diagnosis. It is not your friend. Want to know what I did during treatment? I binge-watched Mad Men and watched Harold and Kumar to make me laugh. I treated myself to ice cream and trashy magazines.

Know that there is a wide ocean of diagnosed sisters and brothers here and all around.

Hugs to you.

Magnolia-mom · February 2018

Thank you for your support. Netflix at night sounds like a great idea if I can't sleep.

I saw the oncologist today. My cat scan is on Monday. We're still waiting on more information on the cancer. His plan at this point is to start with chemo. He prescribed anti anxiety meds. Lexapro seemed to knock out the tears.

AmyQ · February 2018

I am so sorry to hear this news. I can't imagine what you're going through, especially with small children. I find comfort in my faith and so say a lot of prayers. I'm not sure how you feel about that but in either case, just want you to know you have a lot of support on these boards. My best wishes to you and your family.

Amy

windingshores · February 2018

It might help to know more about your cancer. Are all the tests back? It matters whether your tumor is hormone-sensitive or not, or HER2 positive or negative. What is the grade and size? There is a test called the Oncotype Dx given to those with hormone-positive, HER2 negative tumors and some with one positive node, who have low scores, don't have chemo.

There must be a reason the oncologist wants chemo now. Do you know what it is? Do you think a second opinion is possible quickly if helpful? Are you using a cancer center?

Ativan and Netflix are helpful. I don't think any of us could homeschool while this is going on. Not sure how I would handle that, having homeschooled a bit myself. Do you have help with the kids?

The Mayo Clinic published a good book that gives an overview of breast cancer without being overwhelming. I used that and this site and avoided googling until I knew exactly what I was dealing with.

You may do very well. There is no certainty in this situation but there really is a lot of hope once you get through this initial stage and start your treatment.

Magnolia-mom · February 2018

Windingshore- they are still working on testing for receptors. I have 3 tumors that showed up and the largest was 3cm? This plus lymph node brings me to 2b minimum is what I understood. He said shrink the tumors and try to get anything that could be floating around, then surgery, then radiation. I had a large area of suspicion where there could be more tumors. I think the lymph node involvement led to chemo first?

It is a cancer center and I like the doctor. I want to get treatment started yesterday, so I do not think I will be getting a second opinion at this point. Is chemo first not standard with lymph node involvement? Ah, just looked it up. He did mention adding the receptor drugs into the mix if applicable.

My husband was thinking about working from home. My parents are an hour away. I was hoping they could help bring the kids places, but I have to wait to talk to them when they get home to see how much help they can be. There is also a school that meets a few days a week that resembles our homeschool style. I would like to try them there, instead of a regular public school if we go that route. I think public school would be pretty difficult for them as they have always homeschooled and I have been letting them develop their skills at their own rates. Private school will depend on if we can get help from family on paying for it though. I appreciate hearing your thoughts on this because I am concerned homeschooling will be too much for me too.

ElaineTherese · February 2018

Hi!

Chemo first is common with triple negative cancer as well as with large tumors like mine (5 cm+). I didn't think nodal status played that much of a role. By the way, chemo got rid of all the active cancer in my breast and compromised lymph node. It was encouraging to feel the lump shrink.

I'm a mess

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