My mom has a lump and will have a biopsy tomorrow

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Yuno
Yuno Member Posts: 21
edited May 2018 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

Hello all, I just made an account minutes ago to post my concern.

My mother is 54 years old and around the 2nd week of January, she told me she found a lump in her breast and said it was quite painful. She had a mammogram some time this week I think, and we'll be going to the hospital tomorrow for her biopsy. I was told this afternoon that she should undergo surgery to have the lump removed some time in the future... That's all I know at the moment. My mom and I are very close but it seems mutually apparent that neither of us want to bring up the topic, so I just get "proper" updates from my dad.

I'm very scared about the whole situation and this has bothered me so much that it affects my performance at work. I cry every other night because of the fear of her having breast cancer. I love her so much and can't imagine her gone because of BC.

Please tell me how to properly deal with this. I'm a young female adult, 23 years old. I know I should be better than this but I can't help but feel like a helpless dependent child because I can't seem to compose myself. :(

If it matters, my mother's side doesn't have a history of breast cancer, I think. And she's asian.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Have a great day/night ahead.

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited February 2018

    Dear yuno, first of all, there are many benign lumps in the breast. It could be that is a benign condition, especially since it was painful. Cancer can hurt ocasionally, but most often it doesn't. Secondly, even if it is breast cancer she will be treated and will be all right. Finally, perhaps the reason she doesn't want to discuss it with you is because she knows you and does not want to see you upset. Perhaps you could gather some strength and discuss the subject frankly with her, telling her that she could fully count on you in the eventuality something is wrong. If she will end up having cancer, what she needs the most is to see that her beloved daughter is a strong and determined adult able to succeed in life in any circumstances. Best wishes!

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  • Georgia1
    Georgia1 Member Posts: 1,321
    edited February 2018

    I'm so sorry Yuno. As DATNY notes, a decision about surgery is usually not made until all of the lab results from the biopsy are back. That report should have information to guide your mom's treatment options, including the size of the suspicious area. But no matter what, breast cancer is very treatable so I hope you will find a way to be optimistic. If her first step is a lumpectomy then she will be feeling better just a day or two after surgery.

    If you're afraid you will cry or get upset talking to your mom (and I don't blame you) can you email with her, or send her cards to brighten her day? I think it is important for her to know that you love her and that you are standing by to be supportive in ways your dad may not be capable of. Be strong!

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    Hi DATNY and Georgia,

    I appreciate the input so very much! Your posts helped relieve me and gave me a bit of a positive outlook on this. Before sleeping my mom said to me "To be honest, I'm already very nervous." then I just told her who wouldn't, and said everything should be fine when the lump gets removed. I know it's a silly thing to say especially when I'm not knowledgeable about BC but I was just trying to assure her that she's not in trouble. :/ In the event that there may be BC it should be very treatable right? Especially at early detection? :(

    It's already morning and it seems my parents left me and went straight to the doctors. I'm really hoping it's just a benign lump and nothing life-threatening. Will the results show immediately after the biopsy? It's kind of difficult for me still to reach out to my parents and ask. I don't think I can do my best yet to gather up the courage when approaching the topic.

    Again, thank you both very much for your replies.

    Take care!

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  • moth
    moth Member Posts: 4,800
    edited February 2018

    Hi yuno, just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and don't worry about what you don't know yet.

    I would encourage you to go see a counsellor and 'unload' there; I think you might find you can be calmer with your mom when you can have a place to let out your fears and anxiety. She doesn't want to worry you, you don't want to worry her - so they way to be strong for each other is to have the weak moments with someone else.

    You can also ask your mom or your dad to email you info rather than doing it in person or by phone. Email is easier to handle emotionally. They should be getting copies of reports that they can scan and send you. They should also be taking notes during visits with doctors because we all forget what is being said when things are stressful.

    Hang in there.

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited February 2018

    Dear yuno, wish you to get the good news soon! And you were right to tell your mom that everything it will be all right.

    It takes about a day (in my place) to find the biopsy results. But in other places it can be two weeks. And, please, be assured that even in the worst case scenario this is a disease which can be treated like any other. There are good treatments for both early and advanced stages. The treatment can be a bit hard on the person going through it, but there are hundreds of thousands of women having it every year, and then moving on with their life. Meanwhile, please, keep in mind that most lumps are benign, and hopefully this is the case here.

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  • TheSnowQueen
    TheSnowQueen Member Posts: 13
    edited February 2018

    Hi Yuno,

    I was diagnosed two weeks ago (41 yr old), went through all the testing and biopsy without telling our kids (15, 15, 10 yrs old). We didn’t want to worry or stress them. Even after I received the results, it took us another week to tell them. First and only thing I could think of the entire time was my children and how they need me to be around and I did not want to lose it in front of them so they don’t get scared. I think just as you are worried and scared for her, she is thinling of you too. I would tell you to be strong and stay positive. When we did tell our kids, we assured them we would not keep anything from them, and would answer any questions they have truthfully so they don’t worry or get scared. i hope everything comes back benign, hang in there. ♥️

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    Moth, thank you for the suggestions on how to cope. You're right, worrying about what I don't know yet certainly does not help. I try to be more optimistic about it and refrain from imagining the worst; bad scenarios occassionally slip but I'm countering it with more positive thoughts on recovery. And the email suggestion is a good idea too! Thanks so much!

    DATNY, I appreciate the info on the biopsy results and the words of encouragement! I was actually mistaken on the biopsy, it's scheduled tomorrow, Wednesday instead of last Monday. We're not sure yet when the results will be released. I'm really, really, really hoping it will get better soon!

    TheSnowQueen, first off, I'm sorry to hear about your condition! But I genuinely admire your and your family's courage and positivity on this! The optimism and strength to carry on of you and your loved ones can definitely go a long way on this battle. I can now see the importance of optimism and positivity for this matter. I wish you and your family well as you go through this.

    I know it may not seem much but I sincerely appreciate all your posts here, you have no idea how much you've helped me the past few days. I was an emotional wreck this weekend and considered taking days off from work but your advices really did help a lot! Again, many thanks to all of you, we can do this. ♥

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited February 2018

    You are welcome, and I really hope it will end up being benign, which is most likely to be. And if this does not happen to be the case, be assured that everything will be all right in the end. Just think about the millions of women who were treated for breast cancer and doing just fine.

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    I'm so happy for your kind words, DATNY. Results show up tomorrow and I'm really hoping for all the best!

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    Okay, I'm feeling extremely anxious now. :(

    I called out for work yesterday so I wouldn't stress myself out for the results. Currently I'm just at home lying in bed, my parents are out and went to the hospital to get the results. It's around 12:20pm right now and from what I heard last night they should have left sometime in the morning awhile ago to go to the doctors. I'm not receiving any calls or texts from them... Should I call them? I'm so scared at what they might tell me.

    I have no appetite to eat nor do any other thing but but lie here and ponder about what might happen. :'(

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited February 2018

    Dear Yuno, just keep in mind that it will be all right, one way or another. Even if it turns out to be cancer, it will still be all right, never doubt this.

    Perhaps you could call and ask them to keep you informed. Be ready to offer your support if needed. But hopefully there is nothing unusual, just the typical waiting in the medical offices.

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    DATNY, I can't thank you enough for keeping me positive the whole time.

    They came home a few hours ago and confirmed that my mom has cancer. I didn't break down or anything, I did my best to be calm about it. To my surprise they were unusually still fine with the news; the doctor told them that the lump has been found early and said it should be very treatable, so it's kind of like a "good news" amidst a terrible one.

    For the treatment, my mom said that one of the options the doctor gave is to have her whole left breast removed (masectomy?), and she can choose to have a radio-something afterwards... sorry I forgot the term. She said the doctor described the procedure as having a device that shines a light over your breast to do something about the cells(?). She also mentioned about lymph nodes found in her left breast.

    My mom and her sister agreed that she should have a masectomy done just to be sure, some of my other relatives haven't given their opinions yet. I guess I also agree for her to get her whole left breast removed? I'm obviously not knowledgeable at this.

    My dad just randomly cried from relief and fear, I actually think he's the one having a harder time accepting the situation than me or my mom. I was also told that my brother (who's abroad in the atm) is panicking and kept asking the remaining years my mother has left, he's so worried and blowing things out of proportion.. It's so weird to feel how I was weak and afraid for my mom yet now it seems I'm the one who has to give my other family members strength and comfort to go through this.

    But despite the cancer news, I'm still overall happy that this got noticed early before it's spread to her body. I'm hoping all goes well for her, and for others going through this as well.

    I'm so happy to have found this place. There are so many helpful people who share their experiences, give information on their condition, give advices-- both for treatment and handling it emotionally, and most especially all the support given. While reading other topics, it still breaks my heart to see how many women are going through this, especially to you moms out there. A day doesn't pass where I cannot help but think about how the others here feel and deal with their BC. You strong women have all my love and support.

    Oops I didn't notice how long my post was becoming, sorry about that! Thanks again to all of you, I'm truly grateful for all the help you've given. Hugs to you and your families. ❤

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited February 2018

    Dear Yuno, I am really sorry for your news. But, a cancer caught early and responding well to treatment has its positives as well: people in this situation live a long and healthy life to a very old age. I've read some studies about this effect some time back; researchers attribute it to the patient implementing healthy life style changes after cancer diagnosis. But, after talking to a couple of people in this situation, who told me they didn't change their life style a bit after cancer diagnosis, I tend to believe that is just the fact that the immune system gets a good training during cancer treatment, and becomes more alert after that.

    One of the big surprises after my diagnosis was to find out how many people I knew had cancer. These were people I interacted with for many years, yet I could never guessed they had cancer! Funny thing, some of these people, now in their old age, with a big family of many grandkids, I admire a lot, and I often wished to have a life just like theirs. Sure enough I've got my wish!

    After your mom finds out the type of cancer she has (hormone and her2 status), the stage, the lymph node status, you should come back here and disclose it and discuss about treatment with other women having the same type of cancer and going through similar treatment. Treatment can be hard, but here you will find a lot of support. So far, it sounds like your mom is having mastectomy and radiation, which suggests she has a less aggressive cancer caught in very early stage. Here, in US, most doctors prescribe a bone scan and a CT scan before any treatment begins to make sure there isn't any distant metastasis, and also to have something for comparison in the future. Best wishes to your mom and your family and stay strong for her!

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  • djmammo
    djmammo Member Posts: 2,939
    edited February 2018

    Yuno

    With that positive biopsy she will likely have an MRI next if she hasn't already. This will give her docs more information to work with. Pre-op MRI together with other imaging tests after her surgery will give everyone a better idea of what's ahead.

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    I'm glad to hear about those facts, DATNY! I'd say mom is pretty healthy right now when it comes to eating, she's starting to do work on simple exercises/yoga again and get more sleep. I'm at least certain she'll have an easier time adapting to a more healthy lifestyle soon while getting treatment.

    And that bit about knowing other people's cancer diagnosis is almost exactly the same as how my mom felt! She also just knew that some of her friends also had BC, one had chemo and another had a mastectomy as well. It's really sad how a lot have had to experience cancer, but amidst that it's also a relief to know that it's not always an instant death sentence, and people can carry on their normal lives while receiving treatment. It's good to know about how you and those people you know keep your heads up for longetivity. :)

    I'll definitely post again after we get the results. Thank you very much for all the helpful information! I'll be sure to keep an eye on the cancer type, stage, and the lymph nodes and discuss them in the appropriate forums. Also thanks a lot for that bit about the CT scan and bone scan, we're not in the US and I think it's worth bringing up to my mom to check for any distant metastatis.

    All your kindess and wonderful words have helped me tremendously, thank you so very much. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! :)

    DJmammo, thank you for informing me about that! I'll also relay it to my parents so they can ask the doctors which procedures will be recommended. It's so helpful knowing the different steps done for each situation!

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited February 2018

    Dear Yuno, you are welcome! Once again, best wishes for your mom, you and your family! Wish her to get well soon, put this behind her and have a happy healthy life until very old age!

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    DATNY, many thanks for keeping up!

    My mom just received her histopath record yesterday and I was only told by now that she might be on stage 2. I'm really very worried again. :(

    I made a new topic on the Stage 2 forums. Oh here goes my anxiety again... :(

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/145/topic...

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  • TheSnowQueen
    TheSnowQueen Member Posts: 13
    edited February 2018

    Yuno,

    I am so sorry to hear your moms results, I had been thinking of you and her. Stage 2 is early stage. I was staged at 2a after my lumpectomy, I’m told it’s still “very treatable”. Hang in there, take it one day at a time. Hugs to you, mom and dad

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  • Sjacobs146
    Sjacobs146 Member Posts: 770
    edited February 2018

    I am Stage 2 and coming up on my 3rd anniversary of finishing treatment. Breast cancer is very treatable, and the 5 year survival rate is quite high, something like 97 or 98 percent. Try not to worry so much. This is scary, but it is highly likely that your mom will be around for a good many years. I know it is difficult, but try to be strong for your mom. Speaking as a mother, we worry more about our kids than we do ourselves

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited February 2018

    TheSnowQueen, first of all I'm glad you're holding up well! I've been thinking about you too. What scares me is the possibility of the stage going higher after mastectomy, I think I heard my mom's Stage 2b. I'm tring my best to be strong about this, it's just difficult sometimes to digest some facts. And the other people are right, it's more scary when there's no plan for treatment yet! Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

    Sjacobs146, I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this as well. It definitely must be harded for you moms emotionally and physically. I guess it scares me too to know the all the pain and adjustments my mom would endure while having treatment.

    As for the survival rate, I'm so relieved to see that statistic. My mother also had a friend who had stage 3 BC before and is now cancer free after 5 about years of treatment that had chemotheraphy. My friend's aunt also had Stage 2 before and lived for 40+ more years.

    I'm wishing you all the best for your journey. I'll be thinking about you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care!

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  • Nate1232
    Nate1232 Member Posts: 2
    edited May 2018

    Hi Yuno,

    I am in a very similar situation to yourself. My mom(also 54) found a lump in her breast a couple weeks ago, when she told me..well...I didn't really know what to do. I never had a father growing up(he left as soon as my mom became pregnant) so it was me and my mom for a long time, so I am extremely close to her...I guess what im trying to say is, I know I am only one person in some random place in the world, and my comment probably wont mean much..but, you tell your mom that some 29 yr old canadian dude, is sending allll his love across the ocean to you guys! I will check back here regularly for updates..I know what I am about to ask is BEYOND difficult...but..try to stay positive ok. Nate

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited May 2018

    Nate1232, that is a very nice message. We are hoping that you too are hanging in there. We sincerely hope your mom is doing okay. and you too!

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  • Nate1232
    Nate1232 Member Posts: 2
    edited May 2018

    Moderators,

    Taking things day by day really. and thank you very much.

    Nate

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  • Yuno
    Yuno Member Posts: 21
    edited May 2018

    Hello Nate1232,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's situation! It really is very hard to go through this. :'(

    Apologies for replying months late, but please don't think of your message as just nothing. I truly appreciate it! Keeping you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers too. Stay strong!

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