I miss having feeling in my boobs!!!!

 3girls4me:     I feel EXACTLY the same as you, to a tee.   "we are made strong by difficulties we face and not evade"
Diagnosis: 11/17/2008, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER-/PR-

I am currently brow beating two surgeons (BS and PS team, who are giving me different answers) about the sensation thing.  I wish I understood breast/nipple/areola nerve anatomy. 

Hello ladies,

 I haven't written here for years. This sight was my lifeboat for many months. I owe you all so much.

My first mastectomy was late 2008. Second cancer was found in remaining breast 2009. In other words both breasts are gone. I hope I don't discourage you by saying these things almost 9 years later. I was 51 at first mastectomy. First surgery put me right into menopause.  My breasts were a big part of our sex life. You are in a different place when you are trying to get through two diagnosis of breast cancer in one year. I have to say it has changed our lives immensely. And yet, I feel like I am being ungrateful when I complain of this when many die from this disease.

Things have never been the same. My breast sensation was a big part of our sex life for both of us. No one tells you implants  will feel cold. Age changes things for both men and women. I'm trying to figure out how much of this would be happening anyway because of our age. Things get more difficult for men (didn't want to use the word "harder!")   I remember those nights of just rolling over in bed and  touching each other....love making was so natural and easy and wonderful. You just take it for granted.

I didn't realize that the loss of estrogen with menopause also made your vagina tissue so thin. Estriol , a compounded cream that strengthens the vaginal tissue and doesn't effect the estrogen levels in the body does help. But between the issues men have with aging  and having to mess with this cream, it just takes away the wonderful ease and spontaneity of how things used to be. It's work now.

I so miss how things use to be. Most of our friends have children and grandchildren so that fills up much of their lives.  We don't have that. I'm still very sad...grateful...but sad. I was always healthy. I was never told I might die. I never felt sick until I had all the surgeries.Had seven total surgeries with two separate cancers. infections and reconstruction.

Probably no one will understand this. It's different dealing with cancer that  needs to be removed and changes your entire life than those who fight for their very survival. Once my biopsies came back, I knew I had a long road, but I wasn't told I might die.

As BC survivors some of the things we may have in common are, hearing the word cancer and mastectomy in the same sentence. Waiting for biopsy results after painful breast amputation to know what further treatments awaited you. Roads and treatments vary and diverge from there.  

How can I express that I am so grateful and yet feel like I have a right to be sad?  I hope someone understands what I am so poorly trying to express. God bless you all.