How Much to Share with People in Your Life

Hi 32B. First of all, sorry you are here but I'm glad that you are feeling good about your surgery choice and your prognosis. Depending on the size of your office and how much you want to share going forward, I can think of a few options:

• Answer questions with "Unfortunately the cancer was in a larger area than I thought at first. I'm still dealing with it myself." Then follow any other lines of questioning with "I'm still grappling with this so have nothing else to share...but I think the client needs will be taken care of [or some other strictly work-related topic]."
• Appoint a spokesman. That's what two women I work with did. Have that person tell everyone that you are dealing with a lot, and she will take questions, offers to help, etc on your behalf.
• Send an email. Make it short and to the point, with a business purpose upfront. Tell them only pertinent items like when you'll be out for surgery, and ask them straight up not to ask you to talk about your health in the office.

Best of luck to you.

Hi 32B - I've had the same experience. Very early on (which is not that long ago) I decided I would not make my diagnosis general-public, including work, until I had a pathology report in hand. That will be this Friday. If I need radiation every day for three weeks, for example, I'll have something concrete to say. So until then, I've been selective about who I tell, always offering that it is Stage 0, that it is the best bad news one can get where breast cancer is concerned, and I'll be sure to update them when I have something to say. What I will add, though, is that it is important to distance yourself from people who think this is the end of the world. I was very careful who I shared this with, knowing I'd need moral support. A couple of friends were morbidly upset and I felt like I had to spend too much time assuring THEM that everything was going to be ok. This is not helpful or supportive or where I want to spend my energy.The people in my circle know this is not a secret, but until I have more info I will not share it - and they should behave accordingly. Of course the husband of one of them just randomly wished me a good pathology report on FACEBOOK, causing a flurry of WTFs. Anyway, mostly I want to encourage you to become your own best advocate and not worry about how other people feel about your cancer right now.

And, I fully agree with Georgia1, upstream.

Best of luck.

I've told everyone and gotten great support at the office and in my community. Being open about it has been great--I'm really lucky for that. That said, I can totally get wanting to keep it private--it's private! I appointed one close friend/co-worker who has done all the big communication for me to everyone, and that's been amazing. Everyone should have an Amy (my work friend) in their lives! Good luck with surgery!

I tell people the short version of what my surgeon told me: I had a very early form of breast cancer. But it was in several places, so they had to remove my entire breast. No, I didn't have reconstruction; my left breast is fake now. That's usually enough for BC civilians. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.