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  • TarheelMichelle
    TarheelMichelle Member Posts: 871
    edited January 2018

    hello everyone, I just want to send gentle hugs to all of you. I know we all miss Kandy. I’m going to her visitation today. It’s about a 45 minute drive, which is a lot for me, and I’m going by myself. This causes me a little anxiety. But when I think that I’m representing all of you, all of us with breast cancer who knew her in this community, it makes me feel stronger. I know it would comfort Kandy and I hope it comforts her family to know that we grieve, but we also continue to comfort and support each other

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  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,687
    edited January 2018

    Thank you for everything. Your car will be very crowded with all of us!

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  • Mominator
    Mominator Member Posts: 1,575
    edited January 2018

    TarheelMichelle / Ronda

    Thank you for going to Kandie's visitation. You will be surrounded by our love and support even as you give our love and support to the family. I will be holding you and Kandie especially close in my thoughts and prayers this evening. 

    Mominator / Madelyn 


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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited January 2018

    Yes, Tarheel, wishing you safe travels. In some ways it will help your heart to make the trip to pay your last respects and also to be a presence for those of us on the forum. ((((Big hugs to you.))))

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  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited January 2018

    Thank you for being strong for us, Tarheel. My thoughts are with you. My condolences to Kandy's family. 

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  • Lynnwood1960
    Lynnwood1960 Member Posts: 1,284
    edited January 2018

    Tarheel, thank you for representing us. Please give our condolences to Kandys family. Let them know how very loved she was here. Safe journey my friend.

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited January 2018

    You'll be in my thoughts, Tarheel. I know how difficult this has been for you and no doubt will be today as well, and I know Kandy's family will appreciate your presence and effort to get there.

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  • AnimalCrackers
    AnimalCrackers Member Posts: 701
    edited January 2018

    Thank you Tarheel.  I remember when a picture was posted of you and Kandy in a pool.  I think one of you had a big hat on.  It made me feel so alive.  We are not just avatars.  We have real faces and real connections.

    Everyone has been so eloquent in their support here.  I'm still struggling to come up with the words.  We all miss Kandy. 

    We are in your pocket.  Safe travels. Love to you!

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  • TarheelMichelle
    TarheelMichelle Member Posts: 871
    edited January 2018

    Thank you, everyone, for helping me cope. I appreciate your kind words.

    Thanks to the Lord and Google maps, I found the rural church where Kandy's visitation was held. (I'm a city gal, and feel uncomfortable on roads with fewer than 6 lanes. ;-)

    I wrote in the guest book that I was representing all of Kandy’s online friends. I restrained myself from drawing hearts and XOXO.

    Her daughter Krista (her special needs daughter with Down syndrome) immediately recognized me andsmiled. I spent perhaps 10 minutes, tops, with her whenever I visited Kandie in the summer. Grief makes me numb; I can hardly remember my own name, so I was in awe that in the midst of her own grief, Krista remembered me. It was gratifying for me to meet all of Kandy’s family, and deliver condolences from all of us online who cared about her. We don't always get this validation when an online friend dies, but the family wanted all of us to know, that we were as valuable to her, as she was to us.

    There was no casket or viewing, and I'm sure that was her preference. There was a slide show with family photos. The friends and family I met last night all remarked on how private a person Kandy was. I do not want to be disrespectful to her memory by oversharing, but I do want everyone here to know that the validation and acceptance she received online gave her strength.

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  • BabyRuth
    BabyRuth Member Posts: 264
    edited January 2018

    TarheelMichelle - Thank you so much for sharing your experience and signing the guestbook for us. We were all there with you in spirit. It is so sweet that Krista remembered you. You must have made a big impression on her. Thank you again for representing us so well.

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  • Tina2
    Tina2 Member Posts: 2,943
    edited January 2018

    TarheelMichelle/Ronda,

    Lovely, lovely, lovely. You are the kind of friend everyone wants to have by their side during good times and bad.

    Thank you for being our emissary and carrying our condolences to Kandy's family.

    Tina

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited January 2018

    Thank you so much, Rhonda. Now I'm fighting back tears again...

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  • MJHJAN1014
    MJHJAN1014 Member Posts: 708
    edited January 2018

    Tarheel, Thank you for being our emissary. Your car was filled with the loving spirit of so many MBC sisters. Thank you,again. MJH

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited January 2018

    Tarheel, I'm glad things went okay for you on your trip to the funeral home. It seems like more people these days chose not to have a casket or showing. Thanks so much for representing us. You've conveyed nicely how things went while still respecting Kandy's privacy. What a heartwarming story about her daughter, Krista. Like Tina said, you're the kind of friend everyone wants by their side, thru good and bad.

    Interesting about your preferring big city traffic. They can be hectic for me, I'm most comfortable on a two lane country road.


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  • Ronnie3001
    Ronnie3001 Member Posts: 169
    edited January 2018

    TarheelMichelle ,

    Thank you for representing all of us who Kandy touched with your loving quotes and inspiration.

    God Bless,

    Ronnie

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  • Iwrite
    Iwrite Member Posts: 870
    edited January 2018

    Tarheel, Thank you for going and letting Kandy's family know how much she will be missed by her virtual, but very real, friends

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  • Kjones13
    Kjones13 Member Posts: 1,520
    edited January 2018

    thank you tarheel.

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  • Mominator
    Mominator Member Posts: 1,575
    edited January 2018

    Thank you, Ronda, for representing our online community to Kandy's family. I understand how hard it was, and thank you even more. 

    I don't think you are being disrespectful to her memory by sharing details from the visitation. The visitation is a public event. What people share with you is part of the grieving process, yours and theirs. I am glad to hear our online community gave her strength, since she had given so much strength to all of us.

    Many folks are opting for closed caskets. We had a closed casket for our beloved Nana's funeral. We did have a private open viewing for just family.  

    Thank you, Ronda 

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited January 2018

    TarheelMichelle~ I am sure you being there was supposed to happen. She loved you. She is special In Every way a lot of people I know cannot. Unselfish,just like your beautiful friendship You two had. You’re a wonderful woman and someone I am sure she loved calling friend. I have signed the online guestbook as well with a respectful tone and love from all of us. She is living on in her beautiful daughter, maybe that’s why she recognized you for sure after ten mins tops of visits. That’s pretty darn special. That was Kandy touching your heart. Like you did hers. Get some rest sweet woman, I am sure Hal appreciated everything YOU were and are to Kandy. You’re special. Never forget it. ~M~

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  • Valstim52
    Valstim52 Member Posts: 1,324
    edited January 2018

    Tarheel, thanks so much for your generous soul to take the time to represent all of us. I lurked on Kandy's thread and early on she reached out to me, when I was beside myself after dx. I'll forever remember her kindness and pay it forward to others.

    I live in NC as well and I believe that's what made her reach out to me.

    VaL


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  • Wendiwithani
    Wendiwithani Member Posts: 108
    edited February 2018

    I have kept up with this thread in silence for months. I am so incredibly sad to hear about her passing. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and all of those who loved Kandy.

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  • PHOTOGIRL-62
    PHOTOGIRL-62 Member Posts: 285
    edited February 2018

    I'm shocked and heartbroken from this news. I missed this while being away. TarheelMichelle, thank you for letting us know. I must have been do hard to write this sad message. God bless her family and may they find strength in dealing with this. So sad......

    Anita

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  • PattyPeppermint
    PattyPeppermint Member Posts: 11,162
    edited February 2018

    oh my. Just reading this. So sorry for kandys family. She was much loved for sure. Rest In Peace dear sweet Kandy.

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  • babs6287
    babs6287 Member Posts: 2,021
    edited March 2018

    Just saw this and I am so sad. Such a loss!

    May she Rest In Peace now

    Bab

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  • letmywifelive
    letmywifelive Member Posts: 360
    edited March 2018

    My wife’s mets have moved to her brain now with lepto involvement. Some doctors are saying she has now a few weeks to max a couple of months to live. I do not know what to do and asking for any advice about treatment options with lepto and multiple organ involvements. Not in the right frame of mind to write a lot of stuff.

    I guess god did not wish to let my wife live

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  • RonnieKay
    RonnieKay Member Posts: 2,067
    edited April 2018

    I’m just reading this...and my heart breaks again...and again...and again. I send my thanks to you, sweet TarHeel. I’m grateful for your taking the love of all of us to Kandy’s family. I remember the darling picture of the two of you when you first met. RIP precious, strong, courageous Kandy.

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  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 1,562
    edited April 2018

    Missing Kandy. I so looked forward to her posts. Such a Superwoman...showed those docs she would walk again. Beautiful grand baby came. Never forget our friend

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