should I be treating my oncologist?!

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Lucia42
Lucia42 Member Posts: 63
edited January 2018 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

Hi, I just saw my oncologist for a check up and again I left his office feeling. He ABHORS me asking questions - I asked him something about my next treatment when it comes to that, and he says it's his job to worry about that and I should stop my googling. When I show him studies he says I don't have to inform HIM. He has ZERO soft skills.I get the idea he thinks I'm questioning whether he's doing his job properly. He won't give me the actual printout of my genetic test (he's involved in the study). Never have I seen an actual scan, he just relays the results. So today I went to the records department asked for copies of all my records, and saw that the initial scan way back said I have not one, not two, but 30 lesions in my liver. The progress reports do not mention if any of these lesions are still present, just says that the two biggest lesions have shrunk some. So when I mentioned to him (the amount), he said he wasn't aware of that, and he has "4 patients to see" and there's no time for me to go through the pile of docs to look for this particular report. He had a student with him, so that didn't help the matter.

Am I missing something in terms of the protocol when speaking to a MO? He is in research, and I feel/felt lucky that I've landed with him, but is this normal? Here you can't shop around really for doctors, and he seems to be one of the most accomplished in his field here. I try to anticipate his reaction to questions and try to phrase my questions in such a way that he won't take offence but no luck. Thanks for letting me vent.

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  • Lynnwood1960
    Lynnwood1960 Member Posts: 1,284
    edited January 2018

    Lucia, forgive my bluntness but RUN to another doctor!!! This is totally unacceptable!!! Maybe he should stay in research and avoid interacting with patients. I would not tolerate this treatment for another minute!! Always remember that the doctor works for you.

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  • bigbhome
    bigbhome Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2018

    Lucia, RUN! Don't walk! Lynnwood is right on. My first MO, told me that I did not want a researcher, that I needed a MO that is down in the trenches with his patients everyday! She was so right! My MO likes it when I ask questions. He is always two steps ahead of me. He always wants to know what I think about this or that treatment. He listens to me and then tells me why he thinks it might or not work for me. This is what you need.

    Hugs and prayers,

    Claudia

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  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited January 2018

    What they said. This is a long-term relationship. If he's not telling you what's going on, or won't give you the actual scan results, or won't answer your questions, you can't trust him.

    It feels like he's a paternalistic doctor. In other words, he'll worry, you won't. Now if you want that kind of doctor that's fine. But the fact that you're asking these questions means you don't.

    You can get into trials with a different doctor. One you can trust who will make you a partner in the decision-making. Because as Lynnwood says, he works for you. It's not the other way around.

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  • 208sandy
    208sandy Member Posts: 2,610
    edited January 2018

    RUN! No way this person should be your doctor - probably shouldn't be interacting with people at all. Yes, you can look for another MO - check with your PCP and get a recommendation. I am in Canada and I know you can get another MO. Good luck!

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  • Lucia42
    Lucia42 Member Posts: 63
    edited January 2018

    Thanks ladies, appreciate your insight, am taking it to heart

    x


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  • Ashlyn
    Ashlyn Member Posts: 141
    edited January 2018

    Lucia - are you at the West 10th BCCA?

    I had genetic testing through POG and they won't give over the results on paper to me either. I am going to get to see them for the first time in a few weeks but I'm not allowed a copy. (For a few reasons.)

    I get copies of all of my reports with my MO at BCCA. And I occasionally will request images so I can see first hand. Usually no issue. My MO is female. I wonder if you could request someone new or talk to patient care?

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  • Lucia42
    Lucia42 Member Posts: 63
    edited January 2018

    Ash - yes I'm at BCCA. I am seeing my MO again in March after a scan and will re-evaluate. Please let me know how the POG results were relayed to you and who the "them" is you'll be seeing. My MO told me of one mutation and its significance and that was that. My husband and I both pressed him for more info with no luck.

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  • keetmom
    keetmom Member Posts: 432
    edited January 2018

    I agree RUN to another oncologist, my last oncologist wouldn't answer questions, acted similar. My new one is more then willing to discuss things with me, it makes life SO much better.

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  • Ashlyn
    Ashlyn Member Posts: 141
    edited January 2018

    Lucia, I sent you a message

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  • zarovka
    zarovka Member Posts: 3,607
    edited January 2018

    RUN.

    >Z<

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