Fears, frustrations, and waiting

I have had mammograms for 15 years, starting at age 30, due to family history (older sister diagnosed at 35, mother at 60). Regular screening mammograms never found my palpable lump. My doctor found the lump, which was painful, as I was near my period, and honestly felt no different to me than usual.

I have had two mammograms within the past year, 9 months apart, neither showed any abnormality. Only a manual exam and doctor-prescribed ultrasound found my lump. My insurance does not cover US as a preventative procedure, only mammography, and only one a year, at that.

The lump is 2cm, near the nipple, BI-RADS 4. I am currently waiting for core biopsy results.

My breasts are heterogeneously dense and fibrocystic. They're like a sack of marbles most of the time. Mammograms look like a picture of clouds in the sky, where any monster or creature of fantasy can be projected.

Regardless of what the biopsy finds, regular screening mammograms did not help me.

As for navigating the system, I've already put in hours of phone calls between primary care doc, hospital, insurance, and medical group, to fix insurance authorization mistakesand other errors made by pencil-pushers, billing clerks and schedulers who know nothing of medicine, yet whose ineptitude negatively impacts my access to care.

I can understand clearly why my mother refused all care and died of cancer. It's hard to trust a system that feels like a lumbering, careless juggernaut that runsover you, then bills you for the service.

My sister was not given a timely diagnosis even after her biopsy, because her old-school patriarchal moron of a primary care doctor didn't want to worry the poor lady.

Fear and ignorance directly impacted their care.

Another sister, a histologist, has been blacklisted by her local hospitals for whistleblower activity uncovering ineptitude in their oncology departments such as hiding clear false-positives & negatives, and terrible interpreting skills by unskilled pathologists. She now only works with a team of histologists and pathologists who travel to train new departments in other towns and cities far from the rural area where she lives.

I'm hoping since I live in a city where I have access to a recognized NCI-Designated Cancer Center, my care will be better. And I'm hoping that sharing my fears and frustrations will help me get a handle of my worry and anger. And I'm trying to understand that we're all human, patients and medical professionals alike.

I've communicated my frustrations to official complaint departments in the hopes that my feedback will help patients receive better care. But already I've encountered evidence of CYA mode & passing the buck. Again, nobody's perfect, but stupid and lazy should not be tolerated.

I won't give up on fighting to receive my care. I won't give in to negativity and fear, but I won't be fooled, either. Educate yourself, you're your own best advocate