So worried

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WorriedMe77
WorriedMe77 Member Posts: 145
edited January 2018 in Sex & Relationship Matters

My husband is 13 years younger than me, I’m 40 and he’s 27. We have an amazing amazing marriage despite the age difference. He’s been my rock since finding out about my diagnosis. I have a 15-year-old son and he has no children, I was 14 weeks pregnant at the time I was diagnosed and we found out the baby didn’t have a heartbeat through ultrasound on the same day. So we lost our baby and found out I had cancer on the same day. And now my MO it’s telling me that he wants to have my ovaries removed which would mean no possibility ever to have a child with him. I’m so confused I’m so hurt and you leave me wondering am I selfish because I love him so much to allow him to stay with me and take this journey with him being so young and want to baby so bad that’s gonna be the one thing that I probably won’t be able to give him . We have a very very good and active sex life and I know that’s going to change when I start my chemo treatments in a couple weeks and I worry about that two years young and has needs that I probably won’t feel like fufling

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  • Cpeachymom
    Cpeachymom Member Posts: 518
    edited January 2018

    I’m so sorry you have to go through this, And my heart breaks for your loss. I know for me, the hardest part of my cancer diagnosis was realizing I would not likely have anymore children. We were about to start trying again. Thankfully, we had a one year old already, so it’s not exactly the same, but I remember the pain of that hope going away. Cancer sucks, it takes so much from us. I can’t speak to chemo, but I was so worried the Tamoxifen was going to ruin our sex life from all the horror stories I’d read; That has not happened yet. Give your husband a chance, let him be strong for you, don’t push him away because you feel like you’re selfish. In sickness and in health.

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  • Joleen_joyce_mineo1868
    Joleen_joyce_mineo1868 Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2018

    I'm worried too..I recently found 3 lumps in my left breast. One pea sized one above my nipple, then a bigger long one on the upper left side and now one under my breast on the right side i aslo have a bad rash and it's hot to the touch, and my breast hurts but not where the lumps are just on the side and under the left a little bit. It's throbbing and so tender.....So I went to the ER last night and they said I have cellulitis and gave me antibiotics he marked it with a marker and said if it continues or lump gets bigger come back right away and my fever go s past 100.0, my cousin ask d cud it be breast cancer...I'm not lying his exact words were

    " Could it be breast cancer, well yes that's a big probability but we can treat it here" i have the appt with the surgeon/cancer Dr Tuesday he said oh well u should go and walked out!!then nurse came in and I asked her "if it is cancer will I be ok until Tuesday? " She said yes you'll be fine but we dont do biopsies here or anything to treat it...gave me antibiotics and left me to sit there more scared then when I walked in!! Anyone please help me out with this....

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited January 2018

    So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for you and your husband. He is very young to be dealing with a cancer DX but so are you. Not as young but young just the same.

    I don’t think you are being selfish it sounds perfectly natural to want him with you esp now. It will be a big challenge for both of you.

    I have a friend whose daughter is with a younger guy. Not as young as yours - late 30s and she is mid-40s and they aren’t married. Neither one has kids. He is still with her and was so supportive through the chemo, etc. At one time pre-DX she wanted a child. Not sure if she still does or can. They live in another state.

    Whatever you do keep the lines of communication open. Talk to him about this. My youngest son is 28. He has twin sons with an X GFF. Long story. Unplanned. Changed his whole life for sure but for the better.

    Children are blessings to be sure and a lot of responsibility. Definitely a game changer.

    This will test your relationship. Hopefully it makes it stronger.

    Good luck.

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  • Pamela23
    Pamela23 Member Posts: 510
    edited January 2018

    WorriedMe--This is such a major decision and I don't know what the situation is, but is there anyway to do Lupron shots to shut down your ovaries before chemo? I'm almost 1 year past my last chemo. I'm 48. Some girls who started with me (there are new chemo forums each month, I recommend you join one the month you start because they are amazing!!) who wanted to get pregnant after this cancer stuff settled down and they were given Lupron shots to shut down their ovaries to give them a better chance of keeping their fertility after chemo. Talk to your GYN and MO about it. Do research!

    Joleen--I was diagnosed in Sept 2016, had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. All my oncologists explained that breastcancer can take 3-5 years to get big enough to show up on the mammogram. I pray the lumps are related to your cellulitis. But even if they are lumps, you'll be OK. Women have to wait weeks in between biopsies and surgeries. It won't spread in those few days. I know it's hard to get your mind off of it but the doctor on Tuesday will take care of you! Just take care of yourself in the meantime. You will be OK!! Please report back!

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  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited January 2018

    Is it a possibility, I'm sure financially it's a big price, but to harvest some eggs from you that if you both decide you'd still like a child after you have come through this you could use a surrogate?

    Keeping communication open is very important. He may want a child with you and you with him, but I'm betting he wants you in his life and will do anything to keep it that way. Talk to him.

    I did not have chemo but before I knew that I would not need it, I looked at the boards in regards to chemo and sex. Many women still expressed they still had desire for it and still continued to do so after the followed the waiting time after a treatment. I worried of the affect Tamoxifen would have on me in that respect, and it has not changed it a bit in that department while some women lose the desire almost right away. Everyone is different is my point.

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