81 y/o with dc, what would you do?

Hi Ladies:

I just wanted to send

both of you prayers

for your Dear Moms

imagine at this age having

to fight

I would mention that my Aunt 78 yrs old

had a masectomy a few years back

Holding you all in prayer

and special healing

Hugs, Sierra

My mom is 85 years old and she had a masectomy a month back.

Now she will have some radiation and then they will put her on arimidex.

Too risky for the chemo they said.

I think that we should use all the available arms to fight the beast.

No matter how old our moms are...

I have been right beside her in every step.

It seems as if I were the one with BC and she does her best to help me.

We walk and chat under the old chesnut trees hand in hand like 2 lovers.

With jokes and laughters we watch sunsets over the sea.

I can't think of a world without my mom...

Please stand by your moms.

God bless...

I'm so sorry that you are both having to cope with this decision. You say that your mother has health issues and it really depends on their severity. Without wishing to appear insensitive, as we get older more and more of us are going to die with breast cancer than because of breast cancer. This makes it very much a quality of life and very personal decision. 

Depending on your mother's perspective it may pay to have a frank discussion with her medical advisors about whether she is more likely to die with rather than because of the cancer that has been found and then make a decision for treatment (which may not involve surgery) that she can accept and is comfortable with. Then all you can do is support her with her decision however very hard that might be. Thinking of you both.

I understand your frustration and your questions.  Sounds like your Mom is capable of telling you what she would like to do and how much she's willing to fight!

I send you hugs and wisdom to take the right decision!

Paris

My 81 year old mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in her right breast ( invasive Ductal carcinoma) . She had surgery three weeks ago and well she is weak, hurts where they went up to check her lymph nodes with were free from cancer. That is giving her... her biggest problem. I was with her for two weeks while she had the tube running out of her. I had to measure it and keep a record everyday for two weeks for the surgeon. She says she is having a burning sensation in her chest around where they removed the breast. I read where this is normal but not sure why she is still hurting under her armpit so much. I will monitor her a little longer before I go get it checked. Anyway her lymph nodes are clear just not sure why they want to do chemo if her lymph nodes are clear. Can anyone share some light? Other than that she's okay just very weak, not eating as much.

Mother is 81 and has invasive Ductal carcinoma and no cancer in her lymph nodes. She is not in the best of shape. Should she get the chemo? Her friend almost died and ended up in the hospital twice. Once for 7 days and second for 5 days. How long could she live without chemo? She's just not sure, nor am I? Any suggestions out there????? She had surgery to remove her right breast and is doing Okay.

My mother is 85 and has dementia. She was recently diagnosed with stage 4 something--in lungs, nodes, bones. We don't know the origin point, though the oncologist's best guess was lung. My mother refuses to take the diagnosis further or to get treatment. Two years past my own chemo/radiation for bc, I can't imagine how she could tolerate chemo or radiation. We have a specialist in geriatrics who is also well-versed in palliative care. We are going to try to keep my mother comfortable and pain-free, and as independent as possible, which is what she wants.

One book that was rather extraordinary in clarifying my family's thinking about this was Being Mortal by Atul Guwande. The author is a physician and a gifted writer, and some of the book documented his father's decline and death. He asks you to envision what is the best day possible for you right now, taking into account any physical limitations you might have. So if you can't walk anymore, but you can eat ice cream, is that an acceptable life? And how do we make sure you can eat that ice cream and make it an enjoyable experience? And if there is a point where you can no longer enjoy small pleasures, how do you articulate what you want in the way of medical interventions?

My sister and I read this book, and I was able to talk about it with my mother's geriatric specialist. And we simplified some of the ideas in it and discussed it with my mother. It was really, really helpful. A painful book to read in places, but also hinted at how to maximize joy in the here and now, no matter what your limitations are.

I hope this helps.

Your mom is lucky to have you on her side.  With both my surgeries including lymph nodes, it was the pain in the armpit that was the most discouraging. I had to walk/move with my elbow away from my torso.  There are just so many nerves under there, and they get confused and angry for a while.  For each time, for me, it took about 6 weeks for the nerves to get their act together.  I hope your mom has had that relief by now. 

One thing that seemed to help a little was Bengay products that create the stimulating feeling.  I don't know if that sensation was just a distraction for those nerves, or if it actually helped with the healing .  Massage seemed to help, too, and it can help prevent the lymphedema, too. 

best of luck to your mom.

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum and hoped that I could get some support/advice.  I'm sorry to hear that your mother is going through this.  My mother, who is 72 years old and suffers with paranoid schizophrenia (on medication) and lives with me, my husband, 5 year old and 8 year old, was diagnosed in Dec 2017 with stage 2 breast cancer, 3.7cm, hormone receptive.  Her mental health condition, I believe, has made this very difficult for her to accept.  We managed to get funding for the chemo injection tamoxifen, and she took the first dose with me persuading her for days beforehand.  Now she says that there has been a mistake and that she doesn't in fact have breast cancer and that there has been a mix up.  Her mental health team are coming to review her to see if she has mental capacity on Monday.  

I do have power of attorney for her health and am quite frightened as to the prospect of having to make a decision for her.  I feel that it is more stressful for her to constantly be persuaded that she has cancer and to force treatment on her.  She is already being forced to have treatment for her mental health condition.  I am not sure that she is strong enough to take the aftermath of a mastectomy and so I feel very stuck and lost.  Do I let her continue living with me and support her delusional decision of not having cancer and therefore not requiring treatment or do I send her back to hospital (she is under a section 41), and allow the doctors to force treatment on her, which will probably worsen her mental state and require a higher dose of anti-psychotic drugs to keep her calm and able to cope?  I want her to have a good quality of life for the last few years she still has.  I find that it is crueller to send her to hospital and allow the doctors to force medication on her.....even if her thoughts are delusional about not having cancer.  But then if I accept that she doesn't have treatment, I then have to be prepared for her to deteriorate over time and watch her suffer.   But then again,  she is post menopausal and the cancer she has is hormone receptive, so it may grow at a very slow rate and she may have a good 5 -10 years without any pain or suffering.  What do I do?  I also have a full time job and 2 young children which I have to take into account......but my mother has already spent 10 years of her life in an institution, which is why I asked her to move in with us, and I find it so tragic that she would have to leave her only family and grand children to spend the rest of her days in hospital.  What I do need to stress is that when we have broached the subject of her having cancer, she becomes very defensive and is adamant that she does not have it.  Her behaviour becomes erratic and I become concerned bearing in mind my two children.  

I do want to stress that I want her to have the best quality of life she can and I feel she has suffered so much with her condition as it is.  The one saving grace of her mental health condition is that she is not worried or concerned about the cancer as she truly believes she doesn't have it.  

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.