What does a Son do?

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RobGary
RobGary Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
I see posts all around about kids and their moms but I don't see very many posts by sons of the moms. I have just found out my mother has BC. We are not sure of the level yet but a mastectomy is already being planned. The DR said chemo may not even be an option at this time so I am not very positive about any of this. I am trying hard to wrap my mind around it all right now and I realize this is just my initial reactions. My mother had 3 sons. We all live around her but none of us have a clue what we should do now. She is married to a great guy (Step dad) but he has many health issues of his own and works hard everyday even though he is ready for retirement. I am just so lost right now in sadness. My entire family history is cancer ridden and I suppose I am a bit fearful for mine and my childrens futures...

Anyway, if there are any sons out there with any suggestions, I am open to hearing from you. I am a Christian and believe in the power of prayer so all prayers are welcome as well.

~Rob
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited January 2007
    Rob, First of all you are in the right place!

    Second there is a Christian prayer thread under inspirations. As a daughter of a survivor, a neice of two survivors, and a survivor myself I understand your trying to get a handle on it. I am also a mom of three boys, so Bless you for trying to help her.

    There is much to learn but just understand this place will help you with any diagnosis and what to expect. Masectomy is not that bad, I had one and reconstruction. Just take it one step at a time, first get a copy of her path report and google it. That will tell you much info.

    Praying for you!
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  • RobGary
    RobGary Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2007

    Thanks cowgirl. I Have some local friends who are survivors as well and they are giving me some good advice as well. I plan on sticking around here and reading lots. Not sure what I need to learn yet but I will be ready.

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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited January 2007
    Rob,

    Has your mom being going to the onc on her own? Does she want to share information about her illness with you? Sometimes it takes us time to grasp what we are dealing with, let alone allow our family into this to help us. You mentioned a masectomy but possibly no chemo. Tell me if I am reading correctly, this is your mom's first diagnosis with breast cancer. That means they are going to remove the breast and stage the cancer. Based on its size, type of cancer, receptor status and node status they will determine if chemo is even necessary. Not everyone that gets breast cancer automatically gets chemo now. They have come a long way in understanding this cancer and try to be the least toxic on the body as they have to. Now I could be way off base, but I am putting out that info.

    Does someone go with your mom to the onc? Maybe you can help her develop a list of questions that will be helpful to her. Maybe introduce her to this site. Finding others with this disease can really help alot! Knowledge is power, especially with cancer. You have to learn how to be your own advocate. Oncologists are good doctors but there is no way they can constantly stay updated on every trial in progress. Sometimes it takes you bringing up info you find to help yourself.

    I am sorry you have to go through this, but just be there for your mom. Unrequested help is sometimes the best gift you can give a person going through treatments. I hope all goes well and my post makes some sense and helps.

    LuAnn
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  • sjoc
    sjoc Member Posts: 133
    edited January 2007

    Hi Rob - I have two sons, and they were a great comfort to me these past 9 months. My oldest is 20 and moved away to college in the middle of my chemo tmts and he felt guilty not being here. That made me even sadder. He called often and just let me know how much he cared. I loved when one of my boys would sit and chat with me when I wasn't feeling all that great after one of my tmts. It was good to laugh and listen to stories about things other than BC. It was important to me to know that they were OK. When first diagnosed neither one would discuss it - that was hard. Be open with your mom, let her know how much you care. You don't have to always be strong, let her help you too. That's what we mothers do. I hope things go well for you both. - Sandy

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  • schenectady
    schenectady Member Posts: 7
    edited January 2007
    Rob-
    My mom was diagnosed with BC in January of 2006 and she lost her battle in January of 2007. What I did was spend every minute I could with my Mother. Be positive; try to help but don't be too pushy. Just let your MOM know that you love her and that you are there to help. Try to be the sunshine in her life; because I think with BC you never know what road is ahead. The worst thing about BC is that the people around the person that has this horrible disease feel helpless. So a quick answer to what does a Son do? LOVE HER....
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited January 2007
    I would also say to laugh with her. My fondest memories with my mom is while we were waiting for her to be taken to surgery. My brothers (50s) and I were sneaking candy, one was throwing it and the other would catch it fast. It was like she had three little kids again! She loved sharing it with us, all her friends stopped by to see her before her surgery, it was sweet.

    So remember laughter does promote healing, and sometimes a patient needs a break from all the pain and worry. My kids were absolute clowns a lot of the time, it reminded me of what is so good about living.
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  • Chrysalis
    Chrysalis Member Posts: 59
    edited January 2007
    RobGary,

    I am not a son and have none, but I just wanted to say that your mother is so lucky to have a caring, compassionate son as you (and I'm sure your brothers) are.

    You've gotten a lot of good advice here, so I'm not going to repeat any of it. I would say, however, that your involvement with your mom and her illness should mirror your normal relationship with her. How do you normally show your love to her? Does she respond to gifts? Kind words? Help in doing chores, etc.? Do whatever makes your mother feel loved. If that means accompanying her to treatments, doctor appts, etc. do that. If she wants to keep the details completely to herself, respect that. Take your cues from her.

    I certainly understand how this disease affects loved ones. And sometimes you do feel helpless, but as long as your mother continues to feel loved, you're doing the best you can.

    Good luck to you and your mom. I wish you all peace and am sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Renee
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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited January 2007
    I have two sons. One who was 19, the other 15 when I was dx.
    I didn't want them to worry about me!

    However, post surgery lifting wasn't that easy. I think help in that regard -groceries, laundry, moving stuff around- would be quite useful!
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  • gmr52
    gmr52 Member Posts: 74
    edited January 2007
    My son was 22 when I was diagnosed. He had just graduated from college and was in the process of finding a job. He accompanied me to my appointments to lend an ear and was available to run errands when I didn't feel up to it. He also decided to take up cooking and was able to make some tasty meals until I lost my desire for food.

    You sound like a wonderful and I'm sure you'll be there to do what it takes to provide some comfort to your mom during her treatment.
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  • Fllorik
    Fllorik Member Posts: 1,351
    edited January 2007

    I have been going to MD Anderson- Orlando and have been very, very pleased. Please let your mom know about it

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