Suicidal Thoughts on Tamoxifen

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Bcky
Bcky Member Posts: 167
edited October 2018 in Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After

I am continuing this topic from an older thread. I am really depressed as the lymphodema has creeped from my arm and now into my chest. I am having to go to physical therapy for it. I also had the MRI show a swollen lymphnode in my left internal mammary area and concern about my right breast having Pagets disease (cancer). I see the Oncologist on the 19th to confer about the MRI results. In the interim I find it scarey that I don't care if I die. The ongoing stress of breast cancer treatment is just so awful. I am exhautsed from it all, I was thinking to myself that if I have a reccurence it is better that I die because I don't want to fight anymore. That scared me. I think it is because I started to feel a wee bit normal and then the lymphodema flare up and then the MRI. I had to wear a compression sleeve the Physical therapist made for me today. Then I had to take it off for work. I was at Cancer Writers group today and I was thinking to myself. I hate this. I am wondering if the Tamoxifen is adding to my psychological suffering? I am on Effexor. I do notice I am very angry. Just hateful lately.

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited December 2017

    While on AI drugs I was taking paxil. I think it helps. I know how you feel about fighting cancer with our treatment options. I am so tired of worrying about recurrence or progression. I just want to live my life without scans and doctors. I hate taking medication with the side effects.

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  • Peregrinelady
    Peregrinelady Member Posts: 1,019
    edited December 2017
    I was suicidal when first starting Tamoxifen, right after my first mastectomy. I actually pictured myself putting a gun in my mouth. Unbelievable when I think about it now. I started taking magnesium (Effexor made me extremely nauseous) and counseling. I also take vitamin D and now I am not depressed at all. However, I had to switch to Arimidex since I had a DVT/PE. Hopefully this is a temporary reaction for you, as well. I have also heard of women upping their dose of Effexor.
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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited December 2017

    Thanks I am going to try and up my Effexor dose.

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited December 2017

    Bcky....I'm so sorry you are suffering. Having suicidal thoughts should be taken very seriously. Of course you are every reason to be depressed at this point but I would want to know if the Tamoxifen is causing it or making it worse. Please reach out to a mental health professional to address your depression. We are all here for you. Good luck and keep us posted.

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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited December 2017

    I start therapy Jan. 11th. I was in therapy a while and then stopped. Thanks for caring.

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited December 2017

    Good luck and keep us posted...

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  • radgal
    radgal Member Posts: 100
    edited December 2017

    Is this the earlier thread you were referring to? This person was also taking effexor and tamoxifen. Perhaps this thread will help you know you're not alone. I don't have any personal experience to share; for me, I was too afraid to take tamoxifen or AIs. The side effects were too scary.

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topics...

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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited January 2018

    yes it is thanks

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  • OC_Jane
    OC_Jane Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2018

    I wrote in another thread that I had 2 starts w/Tamoxifen. The first start (before & during radiation) resulted in anxiety that would awake me in the middle of the night unable to return to sleep. The radiation oncologist instructed me to stop Tamox during RT and resume a week after RT ended (to isolate whether the SE was fr the HT or RT). So two weeks into the second start, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling suicidal...wanting to jump off a tall building. I stopped Tamox the next day...the feeling was so horrific that I would rather deal with cancer again than deal with the overwhelming feeling of wanting to die.

    I am not sure if previous issues with anxiety, PTSD & depression (> 10 yrs ago) have played a role, but Tamoxifen did not work for me. I was & have been in a good head space the last 10 yrs, so was not on antidepressants. For me, and at this time, I chose my mental health over my physical health.

    I met w my oncologist yesterday to discuss a new tx plan. (Original plan was to be on Tamoxifen for 10 yrs.) One was to receive a monthly injection with similar SE to tamoxifen; I declined (bc if the suicidal ideations returned, I'd have to live thru them until the meds wore out and I wouldn't be able to just stop taking a pill). The other option was chemo. And again, I choose feeling well over living a longer life with side effects. At 50, I'm okay with where I am....

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited October 2018

    I felt that way the first time I tried Tamoxifen. I quit after two weeks. I was an emotional wreck for a chunk of the next year with what I now know was PTSD. Besides counseling, my PCP ordered me to stay on klonopin for a year. I did. When I was done I tried Tamoxifen again, this time with the garden variety side effects. I stayed on it and Femara for four more years. Tamoxifen was a picnic for me compared to an AI. For me taking the stupid pill was better than knowing there was more I could do to prevent a recurrence. I also took Effexor to help with the depression and the hot flashes. I really liked it. I weaned off slowly and had no issues.
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  • OC_Jane
    OC_Jane Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2018

    Thank you farmerlucy...I'm glad that "taking the stupid pill was better than knowing there was more I could do to prevent a recurrence." I'm glad that these therapies work for most. I was referred to a psychiatrist who is working my onco and my PCP. For me, "feeling suicidal" isn't just a feeling. It's a doing. If I've committed suicide bc of the SE, then taking Tamoxifen shortens my life and keeps cancer at bay...permanently. And the memory and vision of standing on the edge of the building was so extremely horrific that I would rather live thru cancer than go thru that SE again. Maybe when the memory wanes, I'll be willing to try it again.

    But for me, right now, quality of life > quantity of life. My life is in a really good place at the moment...I want to enjoy for as long or little as God sees fit.

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  • Jinx27
    Jinx27 Member Posts: 238
    edited October 2018

    Hey ladies,

    I had suicidal thoughts on generic Anastrozole and Tamoxifen. But they seemed to fade when I switched to the name brand. I hope you all find solutions.

    Please leave no stone unturned and make sure you try all avenues to help yourself like therapy, exercise, journaling and maybe antidepressants.

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited October 2018

    Gentle hugs to you OC Jane. My Stephen Minister who served as a counselor to me in those early days (in real life she was a social worker), used to always tell me, “You know how long it'll take for you to feel better?" (Me - thinking - A month? Two months? By August 1st?) Her reply, “As long as it takes." I still shudder at the options I was contemplating in the dark days. One thing she did say to me, that really hit home, was that in her opinion suicide was a very selfish act that leaves a legacy for one's loved ones. I took that to heart. I didn't want to do that to my husband and kids. So then I just prayed fervently every night when I went to bed for God to take me in the night.

    He didn't.

    I can't see ever getting back that low again, but one never knows. Hang in there. I understand. You are not alone.


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  • exercise_guru
    exercise_guru Member Posts: 716
    edited October 2018

    I don't want to discount your feelings so I hope this comes accros correct ly. I said to my husband a few months ago "I wonder how many lives are lost to suicide on tamoxifen?"

    In myself I can't be on it without effexor and even with it I am struggling.

    I have have never been a depressive person and this tamoxifen creates so many issues for me .

    I am considering going back on femara and trying paxil.


    You are not alone. I could describe aimiliar feelings as well as the anger and fatigue. I worry if my marriage can survive tamoxifen. I have nights I go in my room to settle down so I don't take what I can "tamoxifen rage" our on the people I love.



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  • Brandi999
    Brandi999 Member Posts: 143
    edited October 2018

    I actually did a Google search on this topic and this thread came up. I have a recurrence and my oncologist suggested the same ole, same ole. I won't do chemo again. My body is way too sensitive and couldn't handle it. Also, I was on Tamoxifen for maybe 6 weeks and fantasized about committing suicide daily. It was the strongest urge. My oncologist doesn't believe that this is a side effect of it but at the time I took it my life was going very well, aside from having frozen shoulder. It also gave me worse pain which just made me look like a big baby. I stopped taking it because I also feel like my quality of life is more important than quantity. I could definitely die of suicide or maybe die of cancer. I was also in therapy and taking Effexor and it didn't matter. This drug was birthed in the pits of hell.

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