I never thought I would be childless

Castigame
Castigame Member Posts: 752
edited December 2017 in Stage III Breast Cancer

This is just a small self pity. I am doing quite OK.

Since my teenage yrs, I loved babies. I had no issue changing my nephews' poopy diapers. My sister told me the other sister's baby automatically came to me first bc he knew I would change in a heart beat. I ache for every baby w bad parents. I am a sucker for any children's fundraiser. I thought I would have a child someday.

Tried fertility treatments. Both my ongyn of 10 plus yrs and fertility doc had tunnel vision. I went to same mammo place for 10 plus yrs since my early 30s. I stopped going to both obgyn and the mammo place. I had certified menorrghia all this time. Yes it is my fault in a way holding onto the hope immaculate conception until bad period exploded w bilateral stage 3a and 1a. And highly hormone positive. Every doc told me uterus and everything related got to go since the bomb exploded.

I still did not want to remove it. I finally had to let it go late Oct. Blessed w close to no side effects from total hyst other than vagynal atrophy.

I used to love looking at baby stuff. I used to lavitate toward sound of baby. Cannot do that anymore. Guess I would mourn the loss of my baby I never had for the rest of my life.


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  • Cpeachymom
    Cpeachymom Member Posts: 518
    edited December 2017

    Mimi,

    Sending hugs. Cancer sucks, and it robs us of so much.

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited December 2017

    Mimi, there are just no words, except "I'm sorry." What a grievous loss. My heart breaks for you, my sister.

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  • Lolis197138
    Lolis197138 Member Posts: 512
    edited December 2017

    Mimi, I am very sorry. I feel your pain.

    I was the same as you in wanting to have babies, I even wanted to adopted after having my first biological baby but that will never happen now. Fortunately I got to be pregnant for a bit but that ended in a miscarriage. I was devastated but hopefully that I would be pregnant again. However, three months after my miscarriage I was diagnosed with bc stage 3a highly hormonal with many nodes involved. I went through the ivf process before I knew if it were hormone positive. I ended up with 6 embryos and I was hopeful that I would carry one of them. then the MO said that I shouldn' get pregnant and my husband was on board with her. from this moment on i started struggling with that idea but I had a ray of hope as my sister offered to carry one of the embryos. I was hopeful again until last when we decided to proceed and her husband got cold feet as he was worried that my sister would he bc since mine showed up after my miscarriage. She has twins and I didn't want to jeopardize her family and their marriage so I didn't push for it. I was devastated. my motto has been that everything happens for a reason but I couldn't find a reason in case.

    Like you I thought that it was unfair that people that are not fit have children and others like us are denied this opportunity. I had really bad year emotionally since last SEPTEMBER 2016. I still couldn't make peace with it. I celebrated every year on my due date and I even planted a Juniper tree in my backyard in memory of the baby on the date that was supposed to be his (I thought I was having a boy) birthday. i mourned every year on the miscarriage date.

    We even tried the adoption avenue but some of the agencies said that I had to be cancer free for a certain amount of time.

    Now I have a recurrence and I may be "promoted" to stage iv. I dound my peace now as i have the answe as to why trying to have a baby seemed so impossible when i loved babies so much. I still have my embryos that i couldnt decide what to do with them and i don't still know what I am going to do.

    I just wanted to share my story and say that you are not alone.

    Is adoption a possibility for you?

    Hugs

    Lola

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited December 2017

    Castigame...I'm so sorry. Breast cancer sucks! Its just not fair to get it so young. I'm actually very grateful that I was diagnosed at 62 when my kids were grown. I have so much empathy for you regarding your desire to have a child. Do not give up hope! There are so many children that need a good home. Good luck and keep us posted.

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  • Mucki1991
    Mucki1991 Member Posts: 294
    edited December 2017

    I don't think I can totally understand what your both feeling but I will share my story. At 23 i got my tubes tied. At 26 I was forced by a medical condition to have my uterus and one ovary removed. I was pissed if it's my choice ok but how dare a disease take away my choice permanently. I'm so sorry you are both going through this. I don't think there are any words of comfort but again this sucks and I'm sorry it's happened to you.

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