Major depression

Just go ahead and cry! You had a good long run without recurring. Love your ruby slipper, love the symbolism. Doesn't help that its the holidays, either, and that the world is a steaming mess. At least you have us, here. a big hug for you, rubyred

rubyredslippers...so sorry you are suffering but I completely understand. I just say though why is a psychologist telling you that it will come back. He/she is not even a MD let alone a BC specialist. I'm worried about you. Are you taking an anti depressant? What is the psychologist saying about suicidal thoughts? Please reach out to a mental health professional ASAP. You should not have to live like this. We are all here for you. Hope you feel better soon. Good luck ad keep us posted.

I want to say I know how you ladies feel.I am a hot mess . One sad person. My brother died Dec.19th 1999 from a failed suicide attempt/ complications from surgery to repair damage. It always kind of feels like it was last year during Christmas. He left our presents under the tree. We unwrapped them after his funeral. I was in therapy and start again Jan.11th with the same therapist I had during my first two years of Breast Cancer Treatment. My lymphnode turns out to be non cancerous but there was a scare after my MRI last month. No Pagets disease either as the MRI suggested might exist. Then a man I have been involved with on and off for 7 years called me Dec.18th at 130 am and when I went to answer it I hung up by accident. He has a ranch two hundred miles away and can be working on it clear up to the next states boarder. Its just that I fear he got a DUI or in an accident or he has broken up with me. I have not heard from him since that hang up call. But what it did was Trigger heavily my grief over my brothers death. It triggered panic and fear and rejection feelings. It triggered huge grief around this cancer that I have been burying. I agree with you ladies. As shallow as it sounds Breast Cancer wrecked my sense of self; beauty and sexuality. It has wrecked my finances. It has more importantly wrecked that carefree hope of a better year necx year that I had years to get my life in order and happy the way I wanted it. Now it is I am just glad I am here this last three years and if I can make it a few more I will be grateful. Four of my BC friends from support group died from recurrence so it has wrecked my sense of medical statistical safety. Especially since I am a high risk patient according to my charts. IDC. DCIS. Invasive Lobular is the worst fearsome one I had. Major Depression. The big depression. I tried at one point to share with my therapist and my Cancer writers group friends the level of my grief but it scared people away so I started utilizing poor self destructive habits to escape. BC by far has been a bad bad fearsome experience. Death and the fear of is the biggest thing an adult human can face.