Daughter, 55, biopsy results cancer-architectural distortion

I am so sorry to confuse everyone. I just got the bad news yesterday and I was not clear-minded at all! My daughter DID have a biopsy. She had gone to the 21st Century Oncology Comprehensive Breast Center. That's where we go for our yearly mammograms. It's a small place, just the breast surgeon and one other doctor who does special tests, and the assistants to do the mammograms. We went for our yearly mammograms, and she also had a ultrasound because she has dense breasts. They called her afterward and told her they had seen an architectural distortion and she needed to come in for a biopsy, which she had done last Wednesday. They called her at work yesterday, and told her the biopsy found cancer. She is a kindergarten teacher, and the call was in the middle of the day with all the kids around. The only thing she knows at this point is that she will need surgery, and the recovery period would be from one week to two. She needs to go for an MRI tomorrow morning (Thursday) and to the office to see the breast surgeon on Friday morning. It may seem strange that I am writing instead of her, but she is just not the type to open up like this. We are very close, and I am making sure I keep calm and positive around her. It's a good thing I can act, because I really want to scream. I took care of my mother for ten years in my home, then my other daughter has OCD and she was bad for 5 years till we found a wonderful psychiatrist that gave her the right medication and she was fully functional and met someone and is now happily married. My husband, who was with me fully helping for those 15 years got Parkinsons and only was able to get around the house. A few months later, he fell in the bathroom and got a brain bleed (like Natasha Richardson skiing). But he didn't die. After 4 months in the hospital, I brought him home and took care of him for 5 1/2 years. He was in a hospital bed in my living room with a feeding tube, oxygen, and a trach. He couldn't turn, diapers, mind going, and the whole thing. I stayed in my house for 5 1/2 years, could not leave him to get the mail or go in the backyard. He would choke, and I would have to suction him. It was a very slow gradual deterioration. The last year I wouldn't even sleep on the couch, I stayed up all night, and slept a couple of hours when one daughter came from work, and then in the evening when THE daughter came. She never missed one night in those 5 1/2 years. She made me dinner, and took care of her father, and stayed till 11:00 or midnight before she went home, even though she had to get up before 6:00 am. It is not a year yet from my husband, the love of my life, and then I found out my dog has aggressive advanced cancer. It's been two months and I've been taking care of him. He gets 7 pills a day and I have to cook for him. I again can't leave the house because he has bleeding attacks from his nose, and between shaking his head and sneezing, it gets over everything unless I am home to give him epinephrine, confine him, and keep him calm till it stops. Now I get this news about my daughter which is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And I live alone, and haven't adjusted to that yet. My dear women, I am so sorry. I have put my history out here for you when you all have your own heartaches. My grandmother used to say that if everyone threw their troubles into a pile, one would choose back their own. Please forgive me. I am the opposite of my daughter, and seem to need to tell everyone my story. But now, unless she ends up being okay, I regret that I am still alive. It's just a lot happening at one time. And I just found our yesterday. Again, I ask all of you for your forgiveness for my loose tongue, but I have no one else to talk to. I promise I will keep further posts strictly on topic. I am just very vulnerable right now. I know that things could always be much worse. Thank you all for answering and needing further clarification. And please, please forgive me.

Dear Beach2Beach,

Yes, you remind me a lot of my daughter. She told her husband and she told me, but we are very close and I depend on her in certain ways, and she depends on me. Her kids she won't tell until a few days before she is scheduled for surgery. She is a kindergarten teacher and this is the first week of school here, so since she will be off, she had to tell her team (other kindergarten teachers) because there is interaction between them.But even though a school is like a small town, she also didn't want anyone else to know. I don't think you are strange at all, I understand perfectly. I will definitely be going with her. Her husband unfortunately will not be able to go just on that day. But I already have some information I will post separately. Thanks for caring and for your story.

Beach2Beach

Your postings have been so kind and helpful to me. I just lost it yesterday. I think it was the 5 1/2 years with my husband in my living room, and me being strong, never breaking down, not even when he died nor since them. everything (including my dying dog with advanced aggressive cancer) and then the absolute horror of my daughter's survival just got to me. I could not accept what was happening and the encouragement and kindness of you and others actually precipitated the only breakdown I've had in 20 years. I was home alone, and I started crying hysterically, and then I heard myself screaming. That has never happened to me before. I couldn't control it, just one scream after another. It finally stopped after maybe ten minutes, and some more crying. As strange and horrible and painful as it was, I think it was worth it. Later that night, I was finally able to eat, and accept the fact that my daughter had cancer, and that it wasn't a absolute outcome that she would die. Before, I could not. You are going through your own hell now, and yet you've used your time to try and help me. What you told me about your sister made such a difference. Yes, I'm still afraid of what the surgery might show. I'm still worried about her bone scan and Pet scan, but at least I can face it now knowing that it is real. I couldn't face it, I couldn't think about it, they must have made a mistake!! It's impossible for that to be true. Now I'm sick at heart, I'm terribly concerned, but I feel I'm reacting normally, not like a totally bonkers crazy lady. I wish there was something I could do for you. I'm good on the computer, writing name-poems, baking. Let me know. I'll keep you posted on my daughter's tests.