Privacy about my breast cancer

I went to a support meeting for breast cancer patients that have recently had surgery at the hospital last week. I only went because it is part of a program that offered PT. I would consider myself a private person whose shields are up except in front of my husband and children. One by one, each patient took their turn to tell their story about how they were diagnosed, where they were at with their cancer, etc. A few broke down and I thought to myself, that's not going to happen to me when it's my turn. Of course, I bawled my eyes out when it was my turn lol. When I told my story, the part that upset me the most was that I felt I have to hide the fact that I have breast cancer at work. I'm the boss of my family owned business, construction field (skilled trade), all male employees, around 16 employees in total. I told three of my employees before my surgery because I didn't know how out of it I would be, and I needed them to monitor my email and be prepared to take over some of my duties just in case.

The reason why I feel I need to keep my cancer under wraps at work is not because I have male employees, although that does color the situation. One of the reasons is I don't want them to feel they can take advantage while I take hours/days off to go through treatment and deal with my diagnosis. Another is I don't want them to feel the small business is in danger of closing, and spread rumors to our customers and have them overreact. We work in a small industry, many people may be uninformed about the topic. Word had got out that I had surgery, but other than the three employees I told, nobody knew what sort of surgery. I was back at work within three business days because already one or two employees were acting up and I felt they were doing it because I was busy having surgery. I felt I needed to be present physically and show everyone that I was up and about. Within those few days, rumors were already circulating and one of the nosy salespeople from one of my suppliers came by and said that he had heard that I was ill. It was about a week after my surgery, and I was running around the office like a bee they way I always do, all the while hiding my drain underneath a poncho; I looked at him square in the eye, and said, "Well, I'm on right now, am I not?"

Next week, I'll have my appointment with the oncologist, and I've heard that I could be having chemo as early as the week after. I've bought a wig at the first store I went to but I doubt it's going to fool anyone. I have thin graying hair and there is no way I'm going to find a wig that will look like it could be my natural hair. So, I think the gig will be up. Just not sure how I'm going to deal with it when the time comes. I'm not ashamed, and I think if people knew they would be floored that I've been going through this the entire time.

In my personal life, I don't like sharing my diagnosis with some of my extended family members. The jist is they are glad it's not them, and some of them think they give me medical advice because they know like three people with cancer. One family member "consulted" with her friend who had breast cancer and came back with a long text about her take on my pathology. Of course, the friend compared it to her own cancer and her take on my tumor was that it was large. I didn't ask for this and the family member is a close relative to my husband. I don't appreciate having my breast cancer to be a subject of conversation among strangers. My husband says that she was just trying to help which I get but still was upset by it. Another estranged male member of his family heard that I had a mastectomy from another family member. It got back to me that he said he would be upset if one of his testicles were removed and that he wanted to talk to my husband again, and was using the fact that I have breast cancer has an excuse. I love my husband dearly and his my rock. I understand that he is going through this just like me and needs to talk to his close family members about what we're going through

Sorry for the long rant. I guess the theme of this post is what we're going through on the inside vs. what we show people on the outside.