Need Advice About My Elderly 89 Year Old Mother

Options
AppleGirl
AppleGirl Member Posts: 5
edited December 2017 in Waiting for Test Results

My mom has a 6.5 cm tumor. She has had an ultrasound and that is how we know the size. The ultrasound also said it had a "moderate" risk of being cancer. We already had a consultation with the surgeon, and after examining her, he thought the tumor was cancerous. Regardless of whether it is cancerous or not, it needs to be surgically removed because it is causing internal problems and she is on Warfarin. He wants to do a simple Mastectomy. Due to her age, he asked my mom if she would ever want chemo. She said no. He said based on this reply, he thought no further testing should be done, and just the mastectomy was needed. Due to her age, he also said he did not want to do a radical to remove lymph nodes. The ultrasound mentioned one moderately suspicious axillary lymph node. He seemed to imply that breast cancer was slow growing and that my mom would most likely die of something else. He really made my Mom feel so much better and we came out of the appointment feeling good. I don't want to put my Mom through needless tests, treatments and procedures at her age. I read on line that 90% of breast cancer patients live at least 5 years, so maybe that is why the surgeon said she would most likely die of something else. Because of the size of the tumor, he said my Mom would be at least a stage 2. I was wondering if other people had similar stories and what they did. I tend to look up everything on Google and want to know every little fact. So it bothers me that I wouldn't have all the information about her stage. But I want to do the best thing for my Mom and want her to have quality of life.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • marie5890
    marie5890 Member Posts: 3,594
    edited December 2017

    HI Apple Girl.

    To be honest, I don't think you really need to know the stage if the treatment place is just removal. You will get more information about the tumor itself (i.e. grade, type etc) from the biopsy which will happen from the surgery. That information is ultimately more important than stage.

    I think your mother has made a wise choice. If you go to the main page of BCO, you can get more information as to things like grade, type of cancer etc.

    You say you want to do the best thing for your mother? Does that mean she really isn't capable of making her own health decisions anymore (i.e. you are her PoA?).

    If she is capable of making her own decisions still, then it sounds like she is making the best thing for herself, which is a good.

    God's blessings!! And enjoy your time with your mother!!! My own passed last year at the age of 78 from a blood clot to the heart. She passed on just the way she hoped to. In her sleep.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AppleGirl
    AppleGirl Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2017

    Hi Marie. Thanks for replying. My Mom is a healthy 89 year old. She lives in a house by herself and is fully active both physically and mentally, so I only try to give her advise. I am so sorry about your Mom. My Dad passed away a couple of years ago of a massive heart attack. He died pretty much on the spot. It also was what he wanted…to go fast. He was almost 93 years old.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Blinkie
    Blinkie Member Posts: 169
    edited December 2017

    AppleGirl -

    My mother was around your mother's age when her doctor found a lump in her breast. I think they did a needle biopsy but I don't remember any details about what they learned. (This was before I was diagnosed and I didn't pay attention like I would now.) They did not treat the cancer at all. My mom was fine with this. The doctors felt that any treatment for her would be worse than the cancer. The oncologist told her that she would probably not die of cancer, but of something else, probably heart failure. She is still alive, well into her 90's. The cancer is now considered Stage 4 due to it's size and the rapid growth that happened this year. She says she has no pain.

    One thing to remember is that surgeons always always always want to do surgery. They make it sound safe and easy. It might be the best option but it might not. Ask many questions. I always ask what the doctor would recommend if it was his or her mother in the situation. You might consider getting a second opinion.

    My mother was still living in her own house when she was diagnosed; it was probably five years before she moved to assisted living. She is on hospice now, mainly because of the rapid growth of the tumors and because her primary care physician didn't want her to have to come to the clinic so much. Now, any medical needs she has are taken care of by the hospice who come to her apartment. She is mainly very tired and might really die of heart failure, not cancer.

    I'm so sorry this is happening to your mom. I can really identify with your story, and so can also say, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Being in charge of my parents has been like becoming a parent. Full of challenges.

    I'm glad you posted.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lula73
    Lula73 Member Posts: 1,824
    edited December 2017

    could they do lumpectomy vs mastectomy? The reason I ask has to do with balance on a 24/7 basis. Especially in the older population, When you start adding or removing weight from 1 side of the body compared to the other (ie a cast on the arm/leg, mastectomy, etc) balance while standing and walking is affected and may lead to dangerous falls. (It would be different if she was younger and had many years to get used to the differential before hitting her 80s-90s.) A prosthesis would help but she would need to wear it 24/7/365 to help avoid a fall caused by the differential (like in the middle of the night on a bathroom trip when many women would have removed it). We learned this the hard way with my mother in law and I’d hate for anyone else to experience it. Sending you warm thoughts and well wishes.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AppleGirl
    AppleGirl Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2017

    Hi Lula

    My Mom had a mastectomy on her other breast 45 years ago. Can't believe we are going through this again. She had no troubles or recurrences during that 45 years. Now it has shown up on the other side...so I guess this will even her out. Will be glad when the surgery is over. We are all very anxious.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • vmk
    vmk Member Posts: 17
    edited December 2017

    My mom is 98 and diagnosed by biopsy with IDC Grade 2/3, ER & PR positive. Her tumor is 3.2 cm.  Her surgeon has scheduled her for a mastectomy for Jan. 4, 2018.. My mother weighs 100 lbs. and has no body fat. Her breast tissue is very dense unlike other older women and the surgeon believes her cancer is larger than it appears on ultrasounds or mamograms.  Also the tumor is in the left outer quadrant and her nipple is retracted which the surgeon thinks shows the cancer has spread there making her not a candidate for lumpectomy.  Mom is in good health except for arthritis and difficulty hearing and sharp as a tack mentally. She doesn't like the idea of surgery but thinks it is the best and probably the only treatment choice for her.  She does not want (nor do I think she would be offered) chemotherapy or radiation and because of her osteoporosis she isn't a candidate for anti-estrogen pill treatment.

    I am 71 and I had a mastectomy 5 1/2 years ago and it was a tough recovery period for me.  I would like some advice on how to help care for my mom after her surgery. I have forgotten a lot of what was helpful for me. Should I buy a recliner for her?  Does anyone have tips for me for helping my mom recover?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AppleGirl
    AppleGirl Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2017

    VMK

    My mom ended up having a simple mastectomy. No lymph nodes taken out. Surgeon thought a radical would be too much for her, even though my mom is a very healthy 89 year old. The mastectomy was an outpatient procedure. We went out to dinner the same day as the surgery! She had no pain from the surgery. Healing going great.

    We have since gone to our follow up. The tumor ended up smaller at 4.8 cm. Lymph vascular invasion was negative, so surgeon believes the 1 suspicious lymph node is probably ok. But he will keep following it. If it grows he will remove it. Cancer turned out to be grade 3 aggressive, but surgeon got clear margins.

    I was obsessing about some things on the pathology report (negative estrogen and progesterone but surgeon said several times that breast cancer will not end up killing my mom. He said I need to look at the big picture for my mom. She was ecstatic. Surgeon told her to just live her life. We are glad we are through the worst 3 weeks. We are going to enjoy our Christmas. Hope things work out with your mom.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited December 2017

    My mom was 80 at diagnosis. She was able to have a Lumpectomy because her tumor was 1.4 cm.

    She had no further treatment. Our MO wanted her to try Aromatase Inhibitor drugs, which she did for 2 years,

    but then she had balance issues and had to stop. She is 3.5 years out and doing well.

    Your mom has a large tumor (I had the same size and had a mastectomy 6 years ago). I doubt they would agree

    to a lumpectomy.

    VNK - A recliner is a life saver

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • KleeKai
    KleeKai Member Posts: 29
    edited December 2017

    My mother was 71 when diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had a mastectomy, and no other treatment other than tamoxifen. for 5 years.  At age 77, she developed breast cancer in the opposite breast and wanted the same treatment - mastectomy. She was grateful she didn't need to have any further treatment, including no medications.  She was fine until the age of 87, when she developed AML.  She did chemotherapy and did achieve remission for about 2-weeks before relapsing.  She lasted nearly 9 months and then passed away.  

    Mom's been gone for 7 years now - and I still miss her.

    Do what you feel is best for your mom.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • HollyDollyD
    HollyDollyD Member Posts: 77
    edited December 2017

    I'm so sorry AppleGirl. Cancer really sucks.

    As for facts, I used the following statistics calculator. http://www.lifemath.net/cancer/breastcancer/therap...

    Some people find them helpful, others don't. I try to remember that all statistics are aggregated, and that I'm an individual. I find great comfort in statistics & research.

    I also find great comfort in prayer and my "gut" feeling. As Kleekai mentioned above - do what you both feel most comfortable with.

    Hugs,

    Holly

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AppleGirl
    AppleGirl Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2017

    Thank you everyone for all your kind words and advice about my Mom. It is hard to watch our Mom's go through this.

    Thank you so much for the link to the lifemath calculator. It really put what the doctor told us into perspective and I believe I now understand why he said the things he did. After putting in my Mom's age and tumor size, most of the other parameters changed my Mom's mortality rate only slightly for the first 5 or 6 years and therapy hardly changed the results. It really told me why I shouldn't obsess about the pathology report details….which is what the surgeon was trying to tell me. My Mom was very happy with what the surgeon told her, and that is the main thing. Now I just need to stop worrying so much!!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories