Not sure I have it in me to do radiation

Syxx, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this and your mom's passing last year. Have you talked with your doctors to see how they feel about the radiation? I felt I really had little choice since my case was a little complicated. I do drive about an hour a day to get to the center and then about an hour to work. I wanted last appt. but got first. It was very upsetting to me. The good news is I tried to use the time to my advantage. I would grab a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and a treat on the way in. I would listen to my favorite songs and chill. It ended up not being as bad as I imagined. I only have one treatment left.

My advice would be to talk with your doctors and seek a second opinion if need be. Ultimately, the decision is yours. Wishing you find relief.

Syxx, I too am so sorry to hear about your mom. Her absence must make this so much more difficult. I also echo what others have said about covering all of these issues with your team. They're important concerns. In regard to your concern about your heart - ask the RO if you heart will actually be in the treatment field. Even with a left-sided cancer it's not a given that the heart will be affected. I was surprised to learn that. Ask about a protocol called "Deep Inspiration Breath Hold" (DIBH) which moves the heart out of the beam if necessary. Finally, there's treatment in the prone position, which can diminish the amount of radiation hitting the heart. It's not appropriate for all women, however.

I know you said your nine-hour days are reduced hours; is there any way you could work half-days or just 3 days a week for the duration? Is there an option for telecommuting?

IF your team is firmly convinced that you'll benefit from radiation, I hope you'll find a way to make it work.

SYXX:

May I ask how old you are? We do not know.

We know you love your job. I do not know what your odds are of recurrence without radiation given all your factors -- what have your doctors said? Have you had second or third opinions?

If the odds are convincing that radiation will significantly prolong your life, calculate how many additional years of job enjoyment you could get that you otherwise might not have, if you could be more sure cancer will not come back, balanced against the risk of hurting your borderline heart and not being able to work because of that ( I do not know what that risk is for you either). Docs can give you best estimates, and you have to have a number you are comfortable with knowing they can be wrong and that there is still uncertainty.

If the issue is only about five weeks of more misery on top of all you have been through, rather than major worry heart damage will do you in, consider if you could muster resources for a room rental, or airBNB in your radiation town for five werks, where there is also a support group, less the loss of income during that time, so you could have many more years of job enjoyment. Doesn't Canada offer temporary disability or financial assistance for such an expense? Are there no charities that could help? A GoFundMe for funds for staying in town so you would not have to drive? A personal loan?

The heart damage risk is less certain and seems a greater risk than just getting through some money problems.

I love my job too, I hate being off work, and I am terrified of having radiation for various reasons and probably will not, but my surgery two weeks ago showed low grade tumor and clear nodes, a better story than yours. I would probably do it if I had nodal involvement, with the hope I would then have many more years of life and work.

Also, if you have not already, talk to a psychiatrist. You lost your mom, you went through hell, you look at her urn ( maybe put it away?), you are still grieving. Depression may be impairing judgment. Maybe a break for antidepressant management, coordinated with oncology, would be an option, so you could think more clearly. Would a couple months delay on radiation to think this through more, with better mental health management in the meantime make a difference on cancer recurrence? I am not saying your judgment is wrong, just want to be sure you have maximized all options.

I understand your dilemma, and without a good family or friend or church support system it is hard to muster strength to go through more misery. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best, and people are here online to listen.

Syxx,

I know how you feel. I went through an agonizing process to decide whether or not to do it. In the end I did not. I had the unusual situation of a very large tumor, but no nodes positive. That said my radiation oncologist insisted I should do it. I went for a second and third opinion. Get another opinion if you can. The more information you have, the better.

I'm completely withMeow, too.

Good luck with your decisions.

I appreciate you are in a difficult situation living far from the treatment centre and needing to maintain your income. Do you qualify for any benefits such as sick leave or disability insurance that might provide income while you are away from work?

Ask if you would qualify for any of the newer, shorter radiation treatment protocols. I agree to tell your doctor of your concerns. There may be other options you don't know about.

Good luck with your decision.

Mammocite is radiation 2x a day for a week. My SIL did that but she was Stage 0. I was Stage 1b and had a micromet in my SN so I didn’t qualify. Might be worth checking out.

Diane