Depression is a Phantom Limb

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Jojobird
Jojobird Member Posts: 203
edited November 2017 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

It's been nearly a year since I finished treatment.

I wake up, go to work, make my coffee -- the routines haven't changed much. But I'm struggling with re-engaging with my life. The old normal feels like a charade. My gestures, routines, errands, tasks and interactions feel like I'm acting, playing a role for a person who isn't really there.

It's not severe -- I mean, I function well enough. I enjoy my family and friends. But there's a lingering sense of loss. I don't trust the world as I did. And this loss of trust carries grief. It is a new and phantom limb. I think it has taken the place of my missing breast and has decided to pocket itself near my heart.

Dear sisters and brothers, anyone else? I sit here with my morning coffee and wish you all strength to get through this day. It is an unknown chart for sure.


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  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited November 2017

    my oh my. It's like you took the words right out of my mouth.

    The feeling is debilitaing, isn't it? So much so that I have another appointment with a different therapist tomorrow morning. Anxious to see what he has to say. I so wish there was a miracle drug.

    Blessings to you and the rest of us going through this.

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  • vlnrph
    vlnrph Member Posts: 1,632
    edited November 2017

    You have such an eloquent way of putting things! I may be a little better several years out (also sitting here with my coffee) but I do agree with the “fake it til you make it” feeling.

    Comparisons are not terribly useful however you have certainly been through the wringer confronting a nasty diagnosis and undergoing major treatment regimens. So, I would say you deserve to take it easy...

    Nice to see that you read the Thin Slices of Joy thread. Every tiny bit helps. Also liked the couple blog posts from last summer, especially the banana pudding description. I could almost taste it. Keep writing

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  • Jojobird
    Jojobird Member Posts: 203
    edited November 2017

    Rrobin, thank you. It can definitely be debilitating. I wish you luck with the new therapist, and strength too.

    vlnrph, thank you for the kind words about my writing. It is an outlet for sure.

    I wish you both, and anyone else reading this, better days ahead.


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