Abuse Survivor Struggling With Testing

You are not alone. Mine was in 2006. I didn't pass out, though. That must have been awful! I didn't know I had early childhood abuse (including neonatal) until months later, when I got into therapy. During the wire insertion (immediately before breast excision), I did have a pain score of 9/10 (not 10/10 because I'm sure it would be worse if they were tearing off my arm). My previous biopsies were NOT as bad because the (different) radiologist was much more caring. I realize you didn't have any pain issues.

I will have to have another wire insertion in the next few weeks/months.

Good for you to tell your providers so they can be prepared. Know that no matter what, you have the option of walking out of there. At least that gives you some sort of sense of control. I was told before the wire insertion that I have to 'promise not to move a muscle'. Of course, I didn't know what was coming. If I would have told them my distress I would have cried, and if I cried I would have moved. At the time I couldn't verbalize anything.

A friend of a friend (who I don't know, hence I don't know if she had a history of abuse) called the wire insertion 'barbaric', and I will use that descriptor if I do have to walk out. I don't know if they have better pain control now. Since it was immediately pre-surgical, and they didn't have an RN who could monitor, I couldn't have any oral or IV pain relievers.

Since I got to a pretty non-verbal state of withdrawal, next time I will bring a bell or shaker along, and if they hear that, they should know I'm in distress. I will also lather up my breast with a bunch of topical lidocaine. (I know you didn't have any pain issues.)

If you are still in therapy, you may also consider asking your therapist how best to handle.

It doesn't matter what anyone else's experience is, if you are 1 out of 1 thousand or 1 million people who has this severe of a reaction. (That's the way I felt.) It only matters that your experience is valid! I'm not talking about pain AFTER the procedure (which was handled quite well with ice packs); I'm not talking about addiction. I'm talking about pain/distress DURING the procedure.

so sorry you’re having to work through all this again. Is it possible to do the biopsy mri guided vs mammo guided? MRI (at least for me) had far less compression and at least you’re already laying down if you do pass out. Or can they just do an excisional biopsy so you’ll be out cold and won’t be any the wiser to what’s happening? Or maybe do the biopsy using conscious or semi-conscioussedation of some sort (that usually wipes out memory of the whole thing). Just a couple thoughts...

maybe they could give you a little Ativan IV just prior to doing the biopsy...you’d likelyneed someone to drive you home though.

the radiologist and nurse just kept me talking during the stereotactic biopsy. Yes hold still and “belly breathe” like you do when you’re sleeping. Your chest doesn’t swell out, your tummy does. Ativan and Xanax are quite different. Xanax is calming and mellow. I can see how if you’re calmed and mellow vs on guard how those internal defenses you’ve built up can weaken or come down enough that it all comes rushing back like you had happen. Ativan is more sedating to the point you just don’t care what’s going on and memory of what’s going on is often not there or you can just isolate a little piece of memory here and there. Example: I just had Ativan a couple weeks ago to put an IV line in my jugular vein while i was an inpatient at the hospital. I remember the nurse pushing it into the existing line I had in my wrist, asking what they would prep the area with (alcohol/betadine/etc), and I remember my mom coming in the room in the middle of it all and freaking out a little (she’s a nurse and she was out when they decided that this was what they needed to do so she had no idea til she walked in and the bed was way elevated and in the same position they use when they are performing CPR/using the paddles to shock your heart and she thought I’d gone into cardiac arrest-nearly gave her a heart attack!) that’s all i remember of the procedure and i don’t recall much of anything that occurred the rest of that night. At least that’s my experience with both drugs.

Dagny, I am also a therapist, and I would make a serious effort to see any one of my clients who needed to be seen urgently after 15 years. You now best, but if you work with someone "known" then you'd skip past the 'get to know you' phase and get right down to business. In fact, when I was diagnosed, I reconnected with a therapist that I hadn't seen in years. But you know yourself best. If you feel starting with someone new would be more helpful, then do it. I wish you nothing but good things, including an uneventful biopsy and b9 results!!

I am so sorry Dagny, that makes sense that it's hard to find someone who retired. In my state, you can locate someone through the state licensing agency, but not sure about how that works in other states.

can the new dr write you the prescriptions you need? If not, I’d ask if she could help get you in to someone else who will. With her helping get you in with someone she will likely talk with them directly and couch for your intent. It’s a crap shoot at the ER especially with so many pain pill seeking individuals that flock in. In the meantime, I’d find a new OB/GYN-that reasoning she gave on not prescribing you something different than xanax because of your reaction to it is BS. If someone has a reaction to thebirth control pills/estrogen cream/antibiotic she prescribed would she tell them sorry you’re out of luck? No. She would write a new prescription for a different kind.

Dagny, BRAVO for the plan that you have set up for yourself. I think it sounds like you've problem solved very well how to minimize the impact and have a trained support system around you.

Having worked closely with psychiatrists for years, I do understand how difficult it is to get in and see a new one urgently. So here is another work-around option that I'll toss out there (to add to the options above), at the clinic where I worked, we frequently got calls from docs (non-psychiatrists of all types) who had patients that they wanted to be seen urgently for meds. What we did much of the time was consult. For example, the lovely and compassionate new doctor might be able to call a psychiatrist that she is acquainted with and present your case and get guidance as to what meds (Ativan etc) would be helpful for your new doc to prescribe. It would be a good idea (if she was going to do this) for her to have a list of meds you've taken both with success and ones that you had poor or no response to (as well as your previous working diagnoses etc). Please pm me if I can be of assistance in putting together helpful info to further that consult.

Don't forget to keep breathing, nice and steady. You can do this!

Dagny, one last thought. Your GP (or whatever doctor you have that you know the best) might be able to do the "call a psychiatrist for a consult" thing. Anyone who knows your medical history is even better.

For different ones of us - different Drs do the biopsies. For me, it was the Radiologist who wanted US right after the new mammo who did the biopsies immediately. For some it is a Surgeon (or other MDs) who do them. With my BCC and SCC (Basal Cell Carcinoma and Squamous Cell Carcinoma) which are skin cancer totally unrelated to any BC, it was my Derm. PA who did them.

Your new Dr who is doing your biopsies should be able to call in a 'script for you to pick up for EMLA (or generic form). There is an OTC form of it that was written about 'here' within the last year but I know nothing about it. If you do get EMLA (or generitic cream), remember it needs to be put on the area at least 20 mins before for it to numb the area. Also to cover it with a bit of 'saran wrap' to keep it in place and not on shirt.

Did you ask your new Dr if the Facility she's at has a Staff Psyc Dr? The Can er Center I went to did for those needing.