First Thanksgiving with breast cancer..
that tradition going. I just had my ooph and tubes removed four days ago so physically I'm a little off my game but my family is awesome and my
Mom and sister are helping a great deal. I am just having a really hard time finding any joy getting ready for Thanksgiving. I'm feeling angry that I gave up sugar and alcohol since my BMX and I can't have mimosas or the desserts that I used to love to bake. My husband says have them as one day will not hurt you but I feel like I will be tempting the gods if I have a freaking chocolate chip cookie or a glass of champagne punch. I say to myself what's the point of living if I'm not 'living' or enjoying some simple things like a day of good food but I don't know if it will make me happy or make me feel worse as I think I will be reawakening the beast. I've been weepy all day and I hate having cancer and hate that the joy of the holidays are just something else it has taken away from me. I don't mean to be a downer but just am wondering how others have dealt. Thank You!
Comments
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LeesaD, I feel the same way. This is my first Thanksgiving since my diagnosis. Everything feels different this year and I have been stressing about my first mammogram since surgery which is scheduled for next week. Interesting to notice your Onco score. My score was also a 3. You are the only other person that I have heard of that had a score that low. See that you also had nodes with micromets. I had 1 node that had 2 deposits of .7mm and .3mm. My team thought that those were possibly from the 2 types of biopsies that I had 2 weeks prior to my surgery. I had both sterotactic and needle sampling. I guess it is possible but probably wishful thinking.
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Everything in life is different after a cancer diagnosis. I think the main thing that changes is how we look at life. I'm heading on six years out now. That is hard to believe. I remember the first family gathering post diagnosis. I was a wreck. In fact I was a wreck for a good 6 - 8 months out. My PCP practically ordered me to stay on anti-anxiety meds for a year. Even now if I have to deal with an intense social event I will take 1/2 of a klonopin. (Still using the same batch of pills from five years ago.)
You are not the same. Expectations about what you can get done should be thrown out the window. Just be. Do what makes you happy. Do what you want to do. That is living. Enjoy your family. Hell yes, enjoy a mimosa or a cookie or six. Your family wants you to be happy. That's it.
I've become really good at changing my thoughts. I think I learned to change the thoughts and pictures in my head from a post here. I literally blink my eyes as if to change the slide. Then I go to my happy “slide". Worrying changes nothing so I try not to do it.
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This is my first Thanksgiving with diagnoses BC as well since I was diagnosed last year early December. Feeling much more positive this holiday. Last Christmas was definitely my low point. Looking forward to spending time with family that we have not seen in a year and for all the support I've received over the past year.
Oh, and I would eat the cookie and drink the mimosa. We have had a lot taken away this year, if a dessert or adrink will make a difference in your day then enjoy it without guilt!
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This is my first thanksgiving with BC, because of some of the family members kid had surgery, our gathering got split into two groups and two different days. I just finished my chemo and waiting for my radiation to start. So I have a window of no treatment for weeks, thanks God for this! I might not eat much because my appetite still hasn’t back to normal, but I’m truly happy to see the family I haven’t seen for months.
I don’t know what the future will be, but I thanks God every morning when I wake up and breathing. I can’t control the future but I will appreciate each day. I might not able to do the things I used to, but I will try my best to enjoy each moments I have. Yes that call Living.
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just had all my baby making parts removed a couple weeks ago so I know what you're going through there. We had a mini-thanksgiving this past Sunday because it was when my brother & his wife could come into town (they both have to work Thanksgiving and the weekend.) it was a little different but in a good way-everyone seemed to really pay attention during conversations, everyone seemed more thankful, more respectful - a deeper meaning. Lots of help from everyone involved-had to rein my sister in when she tried to doctor up the gravy with a bunch of different herbs but didn't get to her before the wine went in it. On the sugar and alcohol, it sounds like you're not at peace with that decision yet-you're feeling deprived. Guessing it's added sugar and/or processed sugars you're avoiding? All food is converted to sugar by our bodies with the exception of meats and other 100% protein food choices. I'm in healthcare dealing with disease states where changes in eating habits are at least 1/2 the battle in controlling the disease and having dealt with having to go gluten free for 3 years personally i understand 110%. Until you accept the changes as a choice for a healthier you that you're happy with, this will be an issue. A cookie and a mimosa now and again will not hurt anything-giving in on occasion may actually benefit you in the long run as we will naturally overeat all kinds of other things trying to satiate that desire for the “forbidden". We all follow a different path, but I agree about what's the point of living if i can't enjoy simple things that bring me pleasure like a cookie or a mimosa. I choose to eat whatever i want in reasonable quantities and in moderation. Nothing is forbidden. Life’s just too short. But that’s Just me. On how to be happy for the holidays with all this BC stuff going on? An Anti-depressant May be a good idea since you are dealing with wildly fluctuating hormones (i was already on one). And focus on the positives. One step at a time, one day at a time. There is light at the end of this tunnel. 🙂
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i hear ya!!! I am in the middle of chemo so my family is coming to me so I don't have to travel. We are going on for dinner though bc I didn't know if I'd be up to hosting in my apartment. Also feeling very down about it. Have other important family milestones this week as well (including my birthday) which makes it harder. if ONE MORE PERSON at the hospital notes that my birthday is coming up and wishes me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY in that chipper voice, I am going to scream. I always respond by saying, in a quiet, not so happy voice "yaaaaaaaay". because i don't want to be rude but seriously you need to know your audience. you work at a cancer center.
On the other hand, I am acutely aware of all the things i have to be grateful for. i just am not done feeling sorry for myself right now.
ok rant over. hope everyone has a peaceful holiday.
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I’m really looking forward to this Thanksgiving. I’ve vowed to stop focusing on the negatives and really try to enjoy every day. So cliche, but I was letting my mind go to dark places and it was affecting my day to day life. My parents are coming to our house, so them my hubby and our 2 boys. Friday we drive to the poconos to cut down our Christmas tree - a tradition since I was little. I’m not drinking alcohol, but I am eating pie!
I hope all of you enjoy the holiday!
Hugs. Vanessa
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leesad - your recent surgery has to be playing into your inability to summon joy - surgery takes a lot out of you. My first Thanksgiving came about 3 weeks after BMX, and came with the bad news of surprise positive nodes and more surgery. I was scared and also having skin necrosis issues that ultimately precipitated removal of my left expander just before chemo started. I decided that I wanted to preserve as much tradition and normalcy going into the coming year as possible because it was what made me feel like I could get through it. While sugar and alcohol are things that should be controlled, I do that as well, there are plenty of healthy eating abstaining people on this site that ended up with breast cancer anyway - I don't think the occasional treat spells doom. If your fear in partaking in special allowances on holidays is making you sad and angry, you are not in charge, your breast cancer is. Don't give it that power.You have taken hard and proactive steps to insure you are here and present in your life, and negative thoughts add nothing to the internal conversation, and take away from the effort you have put forth to survive and thrive. I know this is easy to say and hard to do, but you will get there - perspective comes with time. Your husband is right, have a mimosa and a dessert, get back on the horse the next day. Tomorrow look at those loving faces at your table who are so happy to be with you, and raise your glass girl!
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Thank You ALL so much for these lovely, kind and such thoughtful responses❤️. I have read every single word multiple times and I so appreciate the time and effort you all have taken to respond to me. I am going to hold on to and take the advice of so much words of wisdom. You women are truly a special bunch and I am thankful for you. Love and hugs to you all. Xoxo
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Hey LeesaD -
You commented on my post about my keeping or removing my ovaries - and we are both healing from the surgery! I am sitting here timing hot flashes...
This is my first holiday season since my cancer diagnosis...in addition to the hysterectomy 3 wks ago and I had my tissue expanders replaced to my final implants 5 days ago....so 2 surgeries in less than 4 wks ....people keep saying "oh that is great now you can have a great time for Thanksgiving" or "just in time for all the holiday fun" and yeah I guess it is....and I do feel some "joy." It is all different though, and my close friends and family want all of this to be over and to "get back to normal," because it has been cancer since May 6th. Leesa that is just not the case for me..cancer walked in MY door and literally changed EVERYTHING.... my new normal is starting to appear, but I will continue to figure it out.
As for the sugar - if you would like some unsolicited advice --> if you are feeling anger about this....then first of all give yourself permission to enjoy the day....and literally give yourself no rules with the exception of listening to your body and responding accordingly. If you have been "off simple sugars" since your diagnosis, then attempting to return to your previous dietary habits will literally feel different....seriously you will probably notice if you used to have 2 glasses champagne punch, then one might literally be all you WANT....and you may feel the effects of the simple glucose/sugar differently...I am a registered dietitian and diabetes educator ( I run 2 Nutrition Clinics and counseled breast cancer patients before I became one (oh the irony) - I still do just off work currently to heal from these surgeries ) ...if you literally want help with metabolism questions or grams/kcals, etc then PM me and I will help...Happy Thanksgiving Leesa - hoping you find "joy" tomorrow and it appears however you want/need it to.
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(((Hugs)))
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This is my second Thanksgiving since diagnosis. The first one was right after I found out and I think I was a little in shock. This is the first time that I haven't spent the holiday with my mother.
I think that having BC can make you more thankful for many things and less tolerant of others. My mother is a complicated case and I have spent my life tip-toeing around her. A month ago she sent me a crazy, over the top text about something with my kids. It's only gotten worse.
I'm sad about not being with family. I have my husband and kids and it's been a nice holiday. It's just that life is too short for so much nonsense. I feel bad that I can't just let it go, but she doesn't get how the things she says affect everyone. She won't apologize.
Anyway - I hope all of you had a good day today. I'm thinking of you and hoping good things.
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Lisa D. I was diagnosed with my recurrence on Christmas freaking eve two years ago. I was shopping for croutons and when I hung up the phone after the doctor called to confirm what I suspected was a recurrence in my axillary nodes. I thought well, I still have to find the croutons. It was a special kind a hell for Christmas. But sometimes if you fake it and get through it you realize that it wasn't that bad and that we are very fortunate we weren't taken out in a car accident, we weren't taken as prisoners of war and that what we have is doable. Not without the help of anxiety meds at times LOL. I just wolfed down a chocolate chip cookie in the grocery store parking lot and read your post . I too gave up alcohol except twice a year I allow myself a glass of wine . Have cut back on sugar with the exception of what I just munched now. Plan something nice maybe a vacation even a getaway weekend. And let me be the first to tell you congratulations on entering menopause. Getting a hysterectomy was the best damn thing that I did even though it's not without side effects. I pushed for it the first time around and was so mad that when I did meet with a GYN she said my ovaries were still working and pumping out estrogen. I'm hoping now enough is enough and I'm done. Hang in there and feel free to private message me. I wish you the best of luck. Watch your favorite Christmas movie and maybe do a little shopping when you're rested and ready. Try not to let it get you too down. That's part of letting this bastard disease beating us. I ain't dead yet and neither are you!
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LeesaD, HOPE is what gets us through the holidays, birthdays, post-op recoveries, chemo-fog, fatigue, baldness, everything. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
I was newly diagnosed Stage III and feeling numb with grief and fear on Thanksgiving, 2011.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2017. I have three grandbabies I wasn't sure I'd ever see, who spend the night every Friday. I'm still working full-time, riding my bicycle and living my life. Yes, I have lots of scars. But like 7 of 9 said, I ain't dead yet and neither are you. (7 of 9 you absolutely crack me up. "The doctor just called, I have breast cancer, where are the croutons?")
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Not Very Brave, I sympathize with you. I had a complicated relationship with my mom, too. This is my third Thanksgiving since breast cancer.
In 2015 I was in the midst of chemo during Thanksgiving week. My daughter-the-chef offered to help me with the dinner, then promptly bailed on me without warning. Seems her boyfriend's family were playing board games and they needed her...
In 2016 my mother was scheduled to fly to Atlanta to join us for dinner. The night before her flight she took sick and ended up in the hospital. Once again, my daughter offered to come help cook and then bailed on me. Not only that, but she and her brother showed up one hour and two hours late, respectively, then got upset because we had already eaten. I was furiously packing my bag and left soon after she arrived to drive 8 hours to the Gulf Coast to take care of my sick mother.
This year, DH and I decided to skip the cooking altogether and go to a restaurant. We invited the kids to join us--both ended up blowing us off with stupid excuses. Thankfully, my sister and her family joined us and we ended up spending 3 days together at a resort and had a FABULOUS time. And the best part was not having to spend two days in the kitchen cooking up a turkey day smorgasbord for ungrateful adult children!
In the past three years, I have had breast cancer, my DH had prostate cancer, my mother developed end-stage kidney failure AND stage 4 kidney cancer. DHs mother died in 2016 and my mother died this past June. Indeed, life is too short to put up with nonsense.
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Poodles - I'm glad you got to have a pleasant Thanksgiving after the last few you've had. Relationships can be so complicated. I think we just form these unhealthy ways of interacting with each other and it's hard to change that.
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Just have gone through all the additional responses since my last post. Thank You all for sharing your stories and for offering your words of encouragement and wisdom ❌⭕️😘❤️. I am so grateful that you all took the time to respond and offer help. I took a lot of the advice offered and have tucked some of it away for future reference. As some of you told me I 'allowed' myself to drink and have desserts on Thanksgiving and once I did I felt like a weight was lifted. I had one drink and didn't want anymore than that and had one chocolate chip cookie, a piece of my mom's homemade apple pie with lots of whipped cream and a piece of coconut cake that by the time I got to I had one bite and I was done. I enjoyed them greatly and appreciated them moreso than any other year where I just ate them mindlessly in higher quantities. I overdid it a little bit physically as I started bleeding. I am assuming I pulled something internally from my ooph. It stopped once I stopped and my husband took over like a boss. I know time as so many of you have said will be what is needed to get through the holidays. You've all made me LOL at some
Of your experiences and cry at the same time that you've all been so generous in sharing your experiences. No one else gets it but you. Iam thankful
for you all😘❤️
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Leesa D - you summed it up. No one else gets it but this club members who never even wanted to join/be here. Look what we can and are willing to do for each other while in the trenches together. Only people who can relate have to be soldiers who were on the front lines. Hope you are healing up and enjoying the holidays. We had 2 neighbor kids over for a mid week playdate and they made those kit gingerbread houses with my son tonight. The good stuff!
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