unemployed and breast cancer question

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I got divorced two years ago and this summer I was laid off from my job. I am very qualified but am having trouble landing a job because of what happened at my last job. I had a young girl (early twenties) who reported to me and a boss who was an alcoholic and he was inappropriately pressuring her for social time and I reported it to HR. I felt she was in my care because she was working for me but HR botched it and let him know that I reported it. Shortly after I was laid off. My therapist thinks that this has made me scared of returning to work. I think she is right and I do feel afraid to return to the corporate world. On top of all this now my doctor has said that my breast lump is cancer (waiting for biopsy conformation). I'm wondering what to do? I am paying out of pocket for COBRA and its expensive and I dont have disability benefits as Im not working but worried that starting a new job might be too much while I am in treatment. I should just not work but worried financially. Another complication is that I am doing some work for a startup. They cant pay be properly but its good for my resume and the work is fun. Wondering if I should tell startup boss I have breast cancer? He likes me and my work and would probably be supportive of me continuing to work there in a relaxed manner until treatment is done and then I can find something else or should I keep it a secret and continue to interview for financial reasons and insurance? Worried that I would mess up a new job if I started while in treatment. I am not applying to jobs because I feel so confused but people are finding me via LinkedIn anyways. Despite this I can't get an offer from any of these interviews because my state of mind is so anxious and I am not coming across confident in the interviews. I also have two kids and responsibilities. Any advice about what I should do. Wait and stay in financial insecurity and start a new job after treatment or interview and find one ASAP?

Comments

  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited November 2017

    see, in my opinion, working is a win-win situation. First and for most, it will get your mind off of everything. Secondly, you will have that financial security with the (hopefully) added bonus of health insurance. Thus, you won't be constantly worrying about finances and how every bill will be paid.

    But, as I said, that's strictly my opinion and totally understand how some would dispute my reasoning.

    I do, however, think you should be upfront with your bosses. That way, when you DO have to take off for treatment, they will be more understanding.

    I hope you can find your balance. Have you been clinically diagnosed yet?

  • waytooanxiousmommy
    waytooanxiousmommy Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2017

    Not clinically diagnosed but the Dr said its cancer from ultrasound. I am so anxious because I don't know any details yet and worried that it has spread. I have a palpable medium sized lump and no swollen lymph nodes on US but nothing else known

  • PauletteK
    PauletteK Member Posts: 2,205
    edited November 2017

    If it is cancer you need to take care of it right away. Does your insurance from the new job would have waiting period? Many health insurance has one to three months waiting period. This would be a question you should ask on your interview.


  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited November 2017

    If I were you, I'd wait until I had all of the particulars about the diagnosis before committing to a new full-time position. If you do have cancer and it's a small tumor of the most common type (ER+/PR+/HER2-), you have a good chance of avoiding chemo (will depend on whether there is nodal involvement and/or the results of the Oncotype test). If you are triple negative (ER-/PR-/HER2-) or have HER2+ cancer, it is more likely that your doctors will recommend chemo. I worked through chemo, but many women don't.

    If you do have cancer, please talk to the nurse navigator at your breast cancer center about programs that may provide you with financial assistance so you can complete your treatment without being too worried about your financial situation. Good luck!

  • waytooanxiousmommy
    waytooanxiousmommy Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2017

    Thanks. I do have insurance and can pay for it. Its about $800/month COBRA coverage. I can last for a bit like this but worried about long term finances along with what treatment will mean and how I will take care of my kids and responsibilities. This is hard

  • Lita19901
    Lita19901 Member Posts: 211
    edited November 2017

    If you have Cobra, I'm assuming you are in the US. Have you considered applying for ACA/Obamacare? If you are unemployed your costs might be lower than Cobra. I applied after I quit my job and had to provide them with a letter from my previous employer stating that I was no longer employed there.

    It was inexpensive and gave me full choice of doctors. The coverage was as good as what I had through my employer.


  • waytooanxiousmommy
    waytooanxiousmommy Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2017

    ACA plans didnt have my doctor in network. Once I have a treatment plan and know who is on my team I could switch to an ACA plan

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited November 2017

    I agree with Elaine. Wait until you know all the facts before you commit to the FT job. Once you do know I would be upfront about it. Plus you will be at least more confident about a game plan once you know what you are dealing with and maybe more confident in your interviews.

    As for working everyone is different. I was working night time hours at a FedEx location many miles from my house. Early on in the DX it started to take its toll. I was tired and couldn’t concentrate thus resulting in multiple mistakes. To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I finally decided to take medical leave when I was scheduled for 33 radiation treatments. It was a distraction at least temporarily.

    Obviously there are financial considerations. My DH and I shuffled money around so we were able to avoid financial fallout. I was blessed we could do that. Plus we have really good health insurance and a pretty healthy flex plan.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

    Diane


  • Lita19901
    Lita19901 Member Posts: 211
    edited November 2017

    If you are currently on Cobra it is my understanding that, outside of the open enrollment period which is great on now, you have to wait until it runs out. Can you wait that long

  • Kicks
    Kicks Member Posts: 4,131
    edited November 2017

    My first tbought was that I'd be looking for an attorney to deal with issues because of HR botching your report to them regarding a young woman (who reported to you) of the Boss who was "inappropriately pressuring her for social time". Now your Therapist says this has scared you of returning to work. You also said you are getting offers through Linkedin but can't get past the interview because of " my state of mind is so anxious and I am not coming across confident in the interviews".

    Document - document - Document everything. But a talk with an attorney is something to look at.

  • waytooanxiousmommy
    waytooanxiousmommy Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2017

    My therapist suggested I sue too but my severance which was a significant amount of money was contingent on my not suing them for any reason and I decided that it would be too anxiety provoking for me to have to go through the legal process. The girl involved didn't know what I had done for her but she wrote me the sweetest not after about how much I had meant to her as a manager and I suppose I feel that its worth it. I might have made a significant difference in her life and somehow she knew it.

    Looking at breast cancer now I am wondering about death. I have been kicked in the teeth by life hard many times and certainly not much good luck has come my way but I am proud and happy about how I have responded to these situations. My life has had meaning and I am not afraid to die. I just want very much not to be gone till both my sons are settled into adulthood.

  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited November 2017

    waytooanxious, I also find that working is good for my peace of mind. I worked through ACT back in the day. I had to take 3 days off every two weeks and when I did radiation I only worked 6 hours a day rather than the 8 since I got tired. Since I didn't reconstruct after my mastectomy I was only out a week. [That was plenty -- I was going stir-crazy!] However, I have a VERY supportive work environment. I recognize how lucky I am.

    Since you are doing "some work" for the start-up, here's what I would do:

    Wait to find out what the clinical diagnosis is and when treatments you will need. That's first. Without it you can't talk to any employer or potential employer.

    Then go to the boss of the start-up and explain. Tell him that you want to work (assuming you do want to work), but you're not entirely sure how much work you can put in. Can they be flexible on that? That would get you out of the house and keep your mind off things. It doesn't solve the money/insurance problem.

    Finding a full-time corporate job might be possible whilst having treatment but it's going to require a lot of faith on the employer's part. And you need to have your head in a "can do this" frame of mind. It will take you some time to get there. Right now your head is spinning, as it should be. Once you know exactly what you're dealing with, you'll feel a little better. One day at a time. Don't make any major decisions right now.

    BTW, I promise you, absolutely promise you, that you are not going to die any time soon.

  • waytooanxiousmommy
    waytooanxiousmommy Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2017

    I love your words about not dying! You ladies on here are such an inspiration. Yes I can figure out my work situation once I know more. Its driving me nuts to have to wait to figure out exactly what I am facing. Its so hard because my whole life feels like its on hold

  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited November 2017

    I know the feeling. We've all been there. I realize this sounds like a platitude, but one day at a time.

    I absolutely hate it when people say that to me but it's true. Try to find something to do each day to take your mind off things for a while. If that doesn't work, apply wine and chocolate.

  • waytooanxiousmommy
    waytooanxiousmommy Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2017

    Thanks so much for the kind words. My best to you

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