BMX w/o adult assistance
I am going to have a BMX in a few weeks, and while I have friends to drive me, I am single and raising my sister's 2 kids on my own. They are a 16 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. They are great, but can't really help me to the bathroom, for example. I emailed my BS asking if I might need professional assistance but his nurse replied that it's not necessary.
What should I expect the first few days
Comments
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I could go to bathroom on my own but shower was a little tricky with drains but can be done. I made meals ahead and froze them for easy comfort food. Get button up shirts and pjs for first couple weeks. Best wishes for you.
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Are you having reconstruction?
I only needed help changing my dressings, and my daughter was able to help with that. Perhaps your niece my be able to assist with that? I was ok with using the bathroom and taking a shower when allowed. I did have my husband wash my hair.
I had a stool I kicked around to reach higher cabinets, a grabber, a back scratcher. I learned all the things I needed to do beforehand by joining the surgery group for the month I was having surgery here at BCO. It was invaluable.
I'd never had any other surgery before but in general the thought of surgery was worse than the actuality of it.
Best of luck to you!
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Thanks, Mucki. I am going to get an extended shower head that might make showering easier. Hope you are healing well
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Hi FarmerLucy, yes I’ll have tissue expanders. My lovely niece said she’d help with washing my hair. I was thinking the kitchen sink might be best for that.
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Hi,
While everyone is different for sure, for me I was ok with doing things for myself. Of course not lifting anything heavy but I could go to bathroom, clean drains etc. I wasn't offered a visiting nurse either. If pre-prepared meals can be done, that would be great. I found that to be the biggest help. Oh yes and a comfy pillow for support while lying on couch or bed with the remote nearby
I can't sit for long, I always feel the need to move so I guess that helped me also. Do you have any friends/family that you could call for back if need be? My daughter, who is 20 was still home from college when I had the BMX done. She helped me wash my hair the first day because I wasnt' allowed to shower. I have a removable shower head. Next time I washed it myself.
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Thanks, beach2beach, my friends have offered to help and they will bring meals. I have had a number of surgeries in the past including major abdominal surgery years ago, but I’ve always been able to use my arms. So I expect this experience to be quite different. I also always had an adult (mother, husband) to help.
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Hi Ceci-246,
Glad to hear that you have such a loving niece to help you after your BMX. When I had my mastectomy back in June of this year. I was able to use the bathroom alright during the day. However at night after I took my strong pain killers I did need a little help because the drugs made me a little uneasy on my feet. For my drains for the first 2 weeks I put a pee pad down on top of my sheets because one time the top drain opened up and got my sheet bloody that only happened two times. After that I got better at making sure the drain was closed up all the way.
I did have a home care nurse come to my house twice a week for the first month after my surgery and my nurse was my angle. Even though I had my mom around to take care of me she said she was unsure about helping me empty my drains. My mom's friend who is a nurse said that if you want a home care nurse to come you have to say to your BS that you are nervous about not being able to properly care for your loved one on your own. My mom sent an e-mail to my BS saying I'm nervous about taking care of the drains." My BS and the hospital I stayed at found a home care nurse agency and the nurse came the day after I got home.
The nurse I had was wonderful she could come 2x a week and empty my drain and she showed my mom how to do it, so it became easier for her and she was less stressed out. My nurse would check the incision area to make sure it was healing well and that there were no infections, and she would check my vital signs. What was also helpful was she helped me manage my pain medication as to how many and which ones I should take during the day. One of the greatest gifts my nurse gave me was she listened to me when I got emotional and she gave me peace of mind just knowing I had her to talk to about any questions I had about the physical/emotional aspects about the mastectomy in general. There was also a 24/7 nurse advice number I could call if I need help let at night. I called them twice and they helped me at midnight and 2am with muscle spasms and nerve pain.
My mom said that she was very grateful having the nurse come to check on me. She felt calmer and less scared knowing there was a professional there. I think sometimes we forget how stressful Breast Cancer can be for not for ourselves but for our family as well. I am glad the home care nurse was able to reduces my stress and my moms too.
Talk to your niece and see if she thinks a nurse coming over might help her and you get through this together.
Hugs,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen
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Thank you, Sara! That's such a good point about easing the fears of loved ones. My niece is amazing, but still a kid with school and activities and a job. It would be good to give her and her brother some peace of mind that we have professional back up. I will make that point to my BS.
All Best,
Ceci
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Hi Ceci,
Wishing you all the best with your BMX when are you having it, so I can send you good thoughts on that day! Hope you are able to get a good nurse to help you and your family. Are you going to wait to get reconstruction done? Do you have any other adults that can drop in and help support you periodically while you are recovering? I remember having a wonderful support system help me and I could not have gotten through it without them. However, for the first week after surgery I didn't want to see anyone all I wanted to do was sleep all day long!
Be kind to yourself and do nothing for about a month leave all the house cleaning and heavy lifting to your lovely and young niece and nephew.
Sending you positive healing thoughts and hope you have a smooth surgery and recovery time.
Hugs,
Sara
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Hi Sara,
Thank you so much for the well wishes. I am still working with the scheduler to get a surgery date that works for me. Not sure who can take me to the hospital but I think the kids want to go. Once home, I do have friends that can stop in and check on me and bring me food. There are some lovely people in this world who have been super gracious.
I plan to get tissue expanders for reconstruction.
Best, Ceci
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Hi Ceci,
So glad you have so many loving people in your life to help you through as you recover. No one can heal with out lots of care and love from everyone that cares about you! If you have any other questions please come back to BCO there are many ladies here that can help you!
Please keep in touch we will being thinking of you and hope nothing but the best for you.
Hugs,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen -
I agree with all the other posts on things that can make it easier after surgery. Unlike many in here, I did gave a difficult time wiping after surgery (although I did have immediate reconstruction). I bought a bidet seat for my commode from bidetsplus that included a water heater and a dryer. So glad I ordered it just in case I needed it as I did end up needing it. One of those extended grabber things like the guys picking up litter on the side of the road use is really helpful too especially when you accidentally flip the remote off the bedcovers onto the floor and you just got comfortable in the bed and are totally exhausted after that trip to the potty.😀
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My surgery date is November 21. I am trying to figure out a plan -
- I have a friend who can take me, but I worry about asking her to stay the whole day.
- the surgery is 5 hours long, so I wonder if she could go home and someone else would come see me when I wake up?
-The hospital is over an hour away and I have to be there by 5:30 am so I thought the kids could just go to school. Then my niece said she might not be able to concentrate as she would be too nervous. Poor dear.
- maybe if a second person showed up for when I wake up, the kids could come with her?
- I wonder if I’m making this more complicated than necessary?
Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice?
Thank you all so much.
Ceci -
Hi Ceci-246. You will need a responsible adult to transport you to and from the Hospital; to keep secure your Identification and other personal effects while you are in the Hospital; to get your pain medicine for you asap when you leave the Hospital, unless it has already been supplied; and, before you leave the Hospital, to learn (and practice) how your drains maintenance is to be done. [In the Post-Op Recovery, you may or may not observe the instruction as to your drains maintenance, and you may not recall much of it.]
Here is a thread you may find helpful__
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91/topics/857555?page=1
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Hi Ceci,
I will mark November 21 on my calendar and send you lots of positive thoughts and energy. This is a major surgery and it is normal to think about every factor from when it starts to the end. One important thing to do is to pick one person for your surgeon to call after the surgery is over to let them know that you are out and okay. I think your thought about having one of your friends drop you off at the hospital and another come to pick up the kids to come see you is a good one. 5 hours is a long time and I think having the kids go to school is best. When I had my mastectomy my mom stayed for the whole 4 hours, but she said that she cried and was a little worried and stressed out just waiting. I remember she told me that my BS told her to go home for 2 hours after I was out of surgery because that is how long I would be in the recovery room before I woke up from the anesthesia.
Were you able to talk to your BS about getting a home care nurse to come and help you recover at home?
Hugs,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen -
Thank you Icietla, I was hoping my friend and niece would learn and remember the drain maintenance. When I had a laparotomy that went from pubic bone to belly button, I recalled very little about post-op instructions and did rely heavily on my caregivers at that time.
Sara, my BS was out of the country and still not responded about the nurse. I think I have a number of women who could come by, so I might let it go. I just met a woman my age (52) at yoga class on Sunday who is a beautiful and vibrant ambassador for healthy healing after BMX, chemo and 2 reconstructions over the past 2years. She had a tattoo of a vine with cherry blossoms that covered a long scar on the side of her breast. I’m not normally a fan of tattoos but I’ll probably get 3D nipple tattoos at some point. Anyhow, she offered to check on me, and since she recently went through this she may provide some good counsel. The friends and acquaintances are not the same as a professional, but they can help me or my niece call the doctor with questions.
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Wow Ceci, that is wonderful that you found such an inspiring woman to help you on this journey who has been through what you are going to experience. She can provide more insight into what to expect. So glad you will having such loving people around you to give you plenty of TLC. All of these lovely women will help you heal in so many different ways.
So happy to know that your support system is getting larger and most of all that it is full of Love!
Hugs,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen -
Hi and hugs to you Ceci! I am single, no children. All of my family is OOT and I am having BMX in December w/ DIEP. I can't share what to expect but I'll share how I'm trying to navigate things. Here's what I did/am doing to aid in my recovery:
- I read my insurance benefits (I have Blue Cross Blue Shield) and learned they provided FREE Health Coaches. I called and got connected with a behavioral health specialist and a social worker. I wanted behavioral health check-ins now so that someone would be familiar with me and be in tune to emotional shifts. We talk as needed now and he'll call me weekly after my surgery. The social worker will help identify resources for me since I'll be recovering alone. Along the same line, consider a support group for you and one for the children. This impacts them too and they may feel better being able to share with others in a safe place.
- Call your insurance company and ask if a home nurse is provided with a prescription/referral. My friend (who's a nurse) says it's standard to for us to receive one but in case no one asks you about one, ask for it yourself. Your BS is out of the country so maybe the physician's assistant or nurse navigator can help you. Advocate for what you need! Tell them you're alone and need help. If you don't need the visits you can always cancel.
- I'm researching visiting nurses and home aids because my recovery will be 8 weeks (1-2 weeks of 24 hr support) and I can't expect friends to do all of that.
- Don't be afraid to ask for what you need and don't feel bad about it. I was having a similar moment and a friend said to me don't assume a person won't do something. My job is to ask and let them decide what they can or cannot do.
- Step out of your comfort zone. I live in a condo. I have a neighbor across the hall. I like my neighbor l but I would NEVER think of sharing my situation. But since I'll have a lot of new faces coming in and out for 2 months, as a courtesy I need to let them know. Plus I may need them to take the trash out for me one day, check on me, etc. If you don't want to share the BC part just tell them you're having major surgery.
- Own your power and don't stress over small things. You're hungry and don't want anymore of your frozen food. Order delivery. In fact that may be a way for friends to help you. If they ask what you need, maybe they can send restaurant gift cards.
- Watch youtube videos on how to care for the drains in advance. This may help you be more comfortable when the nurses come. Plus, it may make you feel more knowledgeable and confident that you can do it and guide your 2 children to assist if needed.
- There's another thread about planning in advance (what to do, buy, etc.) and I found it very helpful.
Hugs and best wishes to you! We're going to make it, Ceci! Have no fear, we are going to make it!
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There are cleansing wipes for "sponge" bathing. My MO gave me a couple of packages, and that's how I kept myself clean, even with my husband more than willing to help in the shower. Washing hair is another matter. You definitely need somebody to assist you with that.
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Thank you FaithWalker and pupmom! This forum is proving to be truly invaluable. And yes! We will make it!!
May I ask you, Faith, if your recovery will be 8 weeks because you are having DIEP at the same time as the mastectomy? -
Hi Ceci! Yes- that's why my recovery will be longer. I think I'll be fine with regular check-ins from friends/nurses after the first 2-3 weeks but my doctor is telling me to plan to be off from work for 6-8 weeks. When is your surgery date? Are you feeling okay? Also, if you need a tool to schedule visits, meals, etc. check out posthope.org, caringbridges.org, the app mealtrain, etc. I use posthope and it saves me from having to tell the same story over and over again. I also put my appts on there so my friends know what's going on.
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Hi Faith, my surgery is November 21 - right before Thanksgiving. I'm doing okay, but I am seeing that this situation is stressing out my niece. I wish she and her brother could go somewhere for Thanksgiving dinner (and bring me back a plate and some pie), but our extended family is out of town and their friends will also be going out of town. Maybe someone from our church might bring some food over. We can also prepare a turkey meal beforehand or order it to be delivered.
There's so much to do!
Glad to know you will have 24 hour care for the first couple of weeks.
Ceci
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Okay. I would say ask one of the parents of the kids friends parents if they can came spend Thanksgiving there. Ask a church member if they'd bring you all some food. I don't like asking for help but I've learned I have to.
I don't have the 2 weeks of 24 hr help covered yet...........I'm asking friends and hoping they'll agree to a shift. If they don't I'll have to hire a companion or health aid. I just have to accept that's part of being single.
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Hi Ceci! I saw this link on another page. It's a PDF regarding planning and what to expect during recovery. I thought I'd share. I found it helpful.
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Hi Ceci,
How are you doing? I wanted to check in with you and send you lots of love and positive energy a week before surgery day. I hope things have settled down some and a plan is in place that puts you at ease for before and after the big day.
Hugs and Love,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen -
Dear Sara,
Thank you for your supportive! It’s a bit unreal actually. There’s so much to do at work and at home before I leave. My cat was just diagnosed with diabetes and the kids and I had to learn how to give her insulin shots twice daily. Now I have to ask someone to take her for a follow up in a week. Then the tech lost my urine for my pre-op test, so I have to go back. We can do this. All of this.
Despite the speed bumps, you are right that I’m feeling better that plans are falling into place.
Ceci
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Dear Ceci,
Oh no I am so sorry that your cat has diabetes what timing right before your surgery. Glad you have found some to help take care of your cat's doctor appointments. Maybe you can both get your follow up appointments on the same day, so you can have one friend drive you one time. I know this is wishful thinking. How could that tech lose your urine sample glad that person is not preforming your surgery if they lose pee who knows what else they might lose in the OR. I hope these bumps in the road smooth out soon and nothing else happens between now and next week.
I'll be thinking of nothing but good thoughts for you and your cat. I have two cats myself.
Wishing smooth sails ahead.
Hugs,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen -
Dear Ceci!
Sending you lots of LOVE and HUGS for surgery day tomorrow. Wishing you all the best during and after. I hope your recovery goes as smoothly as it can.
When you are feeling well enough please let me know how you are doing.
I will be sending you lots of positive energy and thoughts tomorrow morning.
Take Care
Hugs and Love,
Sara
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Thank you, Sara! All the prayers and well wishes and virtual hugs WORKED!
am doing really well after surgery. Doc took a few lymph nodes but was able to save nipples and do a skin spring BMX
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That is so wonderful to hear Ceci! Glad that you are doing well. How is your pain and energy level? Awesome they were able to save your nipples so you will still be able to keep a part of you when it comes time for reconstruction.
Are the kids feeling better now that the first part of this journey is completed.
Take it easy and I hope everything else goes well. When is your follow-up appt? hope you can get the drains out in the next few weeks.
Wishing you all the best!
Hugs,
Sara
DX 5/30/2017 17cm Borderline Phyllodes Tumor
Surgery 6/27/2017 Mastectomy(right)
Hormonal Therapy 9/25/2017 Tamoxifen
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