Question about Cold hearted doctor

I am so sorry that he was like that to you, I do agree that would have a negative response on your physical and mental wellness. He is not God and has no idea how things will go for you. There are plenty of women that live years after they are diagnosed. All it takes is for you to have a positive response to a drug. I think if it was me, I would definitely find another Dr, even if I had to drive to another city, there is no way I would listen to that again. I wish you the best. Prayers and thoughts are with you.

If changing doctors doesn't seem possible for you, maybe you could talk to him about his negativity. Does he think you don't understand the seriousness of your diagnosis? Maybe he feels his whole job is as a problem solver focused on the negatives, and things he's leaving the positives of to you.

In any case, it might help to tell him that you find his negativity destructive of your well-being and ask whether he thinks he could acknowledge the positive, too. Maybe he was just having a bad day, or maybe he doesn't realize the effect he has.

Likesquirrels, I am sorry you were subjected to that doctor's insensitive, unnecessary, inappropriate words and attitude. Yes, hope does count in so many ways. Without hope, where would we be, with or without our disease? People plan their futures on hope. They base their dreams and goals on hope. Negativity has no place in our medical teams' words. We are all aware of the fact that there is currently no cure for mbc, but we are also well aware of the fact that there are many treatments available. Many of us will live for years, some for decades. There are more treatments coming. I think that it is unhealthy for you to continue to see a doctor who has such a serious impact on your well-being and mental health. Unless he is willing to change, and since the reviews indicate that this is his usual manner he probably won't change, it seems to be in your best interest to find someone else. How far would you have to travel to see another qualified oncologist? If you must stay with him, contact the nurse navigator or the office manager and tell them how you feel. Let them know what he said, how he said it, how it made you feel, and how it affected you for the days following the appointment. Bring up the reviews that you read. Ask them if they can suggest a solution to the issue. I really hope that you can move on to another doctor, but if not, then the toxic attitude of that onc needs to change, not just for your sake but for others who see him as well. Why in heaven's name did that man choose to be an oncologist if he has no heart or no idea of the impact of his words? In the meantime, look to this forum for support. The people here know the truth and the possibilities and are willing to give you all the support you need.

Hugs and prayers from, Lynne

He is not the only Dr able to prescribe ibrance. You need another onc imo. I know how you feel, I think, because I could be feeling great and on top of the world and then see the onc and the rest of the day is garbage. Not realy anything specific, just the seriousness and some people are so dour when the talk to you. I end up thinking am I crazy? Is this worse than I thought and I'm kidding myself?? They make me doubt myself sometimes. I have noticed that now that I'm 5 years into Mets, I am not nearly as sensitive anymore. people can talk worst case scenarios and it doesn't have any effect on me anymore for some reason. Maybe I just got used to it. Either way, it's important to have a mutually good relationship with your onc, and he is not good for you when he has this effect, especially when it takes a few days to get it together again.

You ladies as always amaze me with your compassion and wisdom to all. I read likesquirrels experience earlier today and I am just finally responding. How you ladies always reach out to all who are in need is a very special blessing to all.

likesquirrels - I have found the medical system to be a glass half empty kind of a place many times as well. They often seem to very reluctant to give us anything positive and sometimes I wonder if it is possibly for legal reasons. Or do they just get broken and cold? Firstly, I think they should be telling you more how they think you are doing based on your blood work results and future scanning. Regular scans can give them a lot of information combined with blood work and how you are feeling.

There is one lady on bc.org that is a 10 year survivor that posted on bc.org to inspire many of us. We can do many other things in our life styles to help us in addition to medication. And, the better we feel the more likely we will and are able to do. ie exercise, healthy eating, supplements, complementary treatments. I would suggest counselling or supportive treatment through any means you are comfortable and have access to. (pastor, friends, psychologist etc) I found blogging about my experience has helped. beverlymartinwpg.blogspot.ca

Treat yourself well and believe the treatment is working.

Praying for continued healing and joy.

So, since you are at a large facility, there must be other medical oncologists there you can see. You might try quietly asking the nurses who they recommend as a smart and kind oncologist, and if there is a local in-person support group those people could possibly give you some names. Also ask the hospital social workers, and any doctor you have seen who is caring and communicative. The neutral phrase to help you avoid seeming critical, is "a good match for me".

Likesquirrels, well-done, making that change today. And well-done for being kind to yourself, and for reaching out for support, as you adjust to this diagnosis. I hope you will always feel supported here.

As far as where to read and post, I'd suggest joining the thread for your current treatment, Ibrance, and the thread(s) for your mets location(s). Two other threads that might offer you encouragement as a "newbie" are "Life does not end with a stage iv diagnosis" and "Tips for fighting the dark clouds" (Just skip over any sections that stray off topic or are not helpful). You might want to click on "All Topics" at the left, then scroll down and click on "Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer Only" to browse. I visit other forums all the time, but my home base is with the other stage iv people. Also, you might want to look at threads for any particular interests (for stage iv or for all stages) such as fitness, de-cluttering, cats, etc. You will find the threads you want to mark as favorites and keep up with. If you feel comfortable filling in and making public your diagnosis and treatment info whether by checking the boxes or doing it "freehand" that will help others know better how to be helpful and what they can ask your advice about.

If you would like any links to click on in order to locate particular threads, please let me know and I will put them here. Here is the Ibrance thread to start:

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...

Pajim that is so true. It is grief for the end of being healthy with no medical problems! In the begining my onc said "you will come to grips with it and be ok". It pissed me off at the time but it was true.

Suirrell, I tok ibrance for 16 months at the full dose and never my counts go low. I think maybe I'm unusual with that, but even when people go down to 75 the drug still works. When you get the evidence that it is working it makes a big difference in your mood! Plus the new onc and things will get better and better. It sucks when you get yourself to a good mental place and then the Dr knocks you right back down. I just tell myself nothing has changed in one day but it takes a lot playing mind games with yourself. Fortunately they don't have that effect on me anymore.

Excellent, Likessquirrels. Thank you for letting us know.

Pajim, that is such an accurate description of what it is like to get this diagonosis.

Woo Hoo!! So happy you found a doctor you like. And don't hesitate to ask him for whatever you need.

pajim, thank you for the description of getting this diagnosis as a kind of death. That is the most accurate description I have heard and helps me make more sense of these last 10 months.

Likessquirrels, it takes courage to make changes. You have it. I rarely post but have read much on this forum. The ladies here have an overwhelming amount of courage, sympathy and knowledge.