I'm back and scared still....

Hello again...been a few weeks...had to take a break to do some private seeking. Found I liked the comraderie of this forum too much to stay away long. Update is that my tumor markers keep rising; discontinued Arimidex; started Faslodex; discontinued Faslodex; started Taxol last week. Had 5 MRIs; shows progression. Will be having abdominal and chest CT scans next Tuesday. Oncologist is looking for another site where they can easily biopsy ...they want to know if the addition of Herceptin would benefit me...after all this time they never did a FISH because I never had surgery. It is too dangerous to biopsy my spine or hips due to possibility of fracture or collapse so they are hunting for a lymph node or organ....scarey stuff...my pain factor was never really high with this bone mets...but let me tell you...the pain associated with the Taxol is excruciating...I'm figuring my bone marrow manufacturing process is being interrupted by Taxol; cancer cells; normal red/white cell production and Lord knows what else...must be lots of pushin and shovin goin on in there...gotta hurt some....hurts lots...so in my belief...or in my ignorance...I'm all for belivin that the cancer cells are being chased out and replaced with some good ole fresh, lively ones!!! Gotta keep that image going...it's keeping me from slipping into depression...it's the holidays and this is the first one in 45 years that I am not cooking...supposed to be going to middle daughter's new condo in NH...not sure if that's gonna happen as it's the day after treatment and a 2-1/2 hour drive one way...haven't told hubby yet...still hoping it's possible....So, ladies, that's it in a rather big nutshell...please pray...my counselor at the hospital says I need support and freedom to express and be accepted...so here I am....knowing this is the only place I know of where you all are so inspiring and experienced...thanks.