Dating after diagnosis?

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swg
swg Member Posts: 461
edited October 2017 in Sex & Relationship Matters

So, I'm "officially" single, even though I've been seeing a much younger guy for about 2 yrs off and on now. He wants kids eventually, which is why he won't commit. We are both free to see other people.

I gave up on online dating 6 or so months ago. I just kept meeting damaged people, and I got tired of let down after let down.

However, I still get guys interested in me from time to time, even though I haven't been actively dating...there's one right now who messaged me over Yelp and is now wanting to go out.

I just don't know how I feel about dating now.

I mean..do I tell someone on the first date, "Oh btw I have breast cancer! Just thought you should know."

It makes me wonder if I even should be dating.

Going through this disease single is hard, but it's not like I want to dump it on some new guy.

My younger guy has been really supportive, but he's not around all that much, since he's not really my boyfriend. I'm sure if I asked him to do things for me like, take me to my drs appts, or something, he probably would...but he also has a lot on his plate.

I envy people who have signficant others or spouses who can help them through this. It's a bit overwhelming.

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  • stephaniebc
    stephaniebc Member Posts: 53
    edited October 2017

    i think it depends on what you are looking for in a partner. if you want someone who will help you through your ordeal, then yes it may be too much to ask a new person.

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  • mlz1956
    mlz1956 Member Posts: 10
    edited October 2017

    swg.

    I know how you feel. I'm living with a man have been for 3 years. When chemo took away my desire for sex I guess after a while he decided he can't take it any more. He was really good to me, supported me and everything. I think he is seeing someone else right now he still has all of his things here. He is a truck driver, so only home on the weekends. But, now he doesn't even come home maybe once a month but I know he is in town. I'm like you when this is all over do I want to date. I'm 61yrs old.  And now due to other health issues I won't be able have reconstruction surgery. So I'm at   a loss as what to do.  I going to see a therapist this coming week. I wish there were words I could help you with. All I can say is I understand how you are feeling.

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  • swg
    swg Member Posts: 461
    edited October 2017

    I'm so sorry. I keep seeing posts from other people on this area of the forum whose significant others bailed or seem to be about to bail because of this disease.

    I guess some people are just weak. It's why I stopped dating for a while..I found so many selfish, narcissistic and broken guys out there. I had a really great guy for 8 years. I broke up with him to go have a more adventurous life and I still regret it, because he was the one person I knew would have been here for me through ANYTHING. No matter what. I was only 26 at the time, though. What did I know? I thought everyone was as loyal and wonderful as him. Now I'm 50, cynical and bitter.

    I think I'd rather be alone than have to deal with yet another little boy who wants a mommy to take care of him. Ugh.

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