Horrible Lose Lose

beach2beach · October 2017

Mlz,

So sorry on the loss of your Mother on top of all else going on. If its not to personal to ask, did he express to you that not being physical with you was taking it's toll on the relationship? I'm hoping since he was with you through all the chemo etc, he understood how it takes its toll mentally and physically. Not to say there is no going back, but it can certainly take time and patience. Did you speak to your Dr.? A therapist perhaps? I say the last because I want you to know that this is not the end. A therapist can help you realize that while you can't control what happened to you, nor control how your ex-boyfriend felt, you are not broken. Maybe it was him? Maybe he was there physically in body but not there mentally for you? Did he take things easy, work on small things, a dinner together, a movie, a massage, things to maybe get you mentally and possibly the desire back. If he did, great. It takes two to make it work. I'm not knocking him, I just want you to not feel you can't find love, be in love and make love with someone. I did not go through what you did with chemo etc, but mentally it all scared the *rap out of me and the last thing you thing about is sex. First is survival. Even once you finish treatments its hard to put what you went through on the back burner and try to be in the now. Life has changed for us.

Hang in there. Remember your a tough cookie for going through all you have already and try not to see this as the end of that part of your life. Talk to someone.

mlz1956 · October 2017

He never did say. At times I think he was scared he was going to hurt me. Also 1 week after I was diagnose I fell and broke my right wrist. Still have problems with that. I was diagnose in 2015 broke wrist, and in November of that year had to have my gallbladder removed. In Feb 2016 had my mastectomy Did chemo first then surgery. In April became anemic was in the hospital for couple of days. Started radiation, didn't get to finish all my treatments. Then I was diagnose with AFIB. had fluid on the lungs and fluid on the heart had both of those drain spent 12 days in the hospital. We would try to be inmate but it just wasn't working, Also tried using my hands on him. But, I'm right handed and it would begin hurt, so out of frustration we kinda gave up. In the fall of 2016 went back to work, every now & then we would try no success. . So now it brings me to this. I'm scared I'm so lonely. Pre cancer we had so much fun together. I understand in a way how he must feel. But it doesn't help the pain I'm feeling. I am seeing a therapist this coming week. I read some of the comments on Getting MY Mojo Back and I wanted to try some, but, if he doesn't come we can't try.

Also I won't be able to have reconstruction surgery due to the AFIB to much of a high risk that I might not make through surgery.

mlz1956 · October 2017

He only went to 1 chemo treatment with me and a few doctors appointments he is a 18 wheel truck driver. Therefore not in town but mostly home on the weekends. I really don't think he knows what chemo does to the body and loosing a breast does to the mind and self image. Sometimes he thought it was just me not wanting to be inmate. When I started to think he might be having a affair, that is when I started doing some research to see if other women were having this problem or was it me. Then I came across this site. But now I can't share it with him and that hurts. The sad part about this is I know he is town.

Gussy · March 2018

mlz - I developed A Fib during chemo which was cardio-verted and then I'm on meds that have it all under control. What I don't understand about not having surgery is that I had a partial mastectomy yesterday - took 4 hrs. I only had to hold the anti-coagulant drug for two days before and two days after. So, wonder if you broke a leg and had to have surgery to fix it? Guess I don't get it.

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