How do I compete with a Saint ?!?!

Hi Isabella,

I can sort of sympathise with your dilemma, I am also wife #2 and it was difficult living in the shadow at first but as time went on it became easier and easier. It was not so much my husband constantly referring to her but his sister. Wife #1 passed away from IBC in 1994 and left him a widow with 2 small boys and to boot, she was best friends to his sister. I was told by her and her husband that he would never be able to love me as much as he loved her. I was constantly undermined by her, everything I did or said to the boys was turned around. She found a way to bring wife#2 into the conversation at every chance she could. I finally had enough when she called me a gold digger and she felt she had to protect her brother from me. We got into an argument and stopped speaking for a while, mind you that is a few years ago now. I don't mind her now but I am still wary of her. I don't completely trust her at all. She still talks about his first wife like she will walk through the door at any time.
She still talks about things that happened before my time, I think just to get my goat.

Your situation is different to mine but similar as well. I would think 24yrs is long enough to not have to mention her all the time.

Have you mentioned to hubby that it bothers you so much? I don't think her would be upset if it was brought up quietly. I know I finally brought it up to my husband and he didn't even realize his sister was saying all the things she was saying because she never did it in front of him.

Good luck to you,

Tina

Unless you have specifically told him this bothers you, there's no reason to expect him to change a 20-some year old habit.

He is treating you well. That's good. Let him know how this hurts and only get mad if he doesn't make an effort AFTER you speak up. Don't expect him to decipher an angry face - man are dense - tell him what is bothering you.

One of my co-workers was telling me that his ex and his current wife HATE each other. I asked how could they? It's not like his new wife of 13 years was the "other woman"! And he said, actually, I am sure it was by accident ..... that, "Deborah knows Kathy was my high school sweetheart and that I am still in love with her." OOPS ..... I think he told the truth and probably didn't realize he said that. Then he said that his ex doesn't like the "new" wife since she has been "replaced."

I have known this man for years and sadly, I don't think he is in love with his current wife but won't leave her. He's said too many things that tell me he isn't "in love" with her ..... For her sake, I think he should ... let her find someone who really does love her and is in love with her.

Isabella, I definitely would not like this either. You should speak to him about this (kindly). And, IMO, I think you should ask him to speak to his relatives also.

This is NOTHING like you are going through. When my DH and I were first married (about 2 months) we came here to North Carolina so I could meet his parents. I'm from Texas. We arrived around 2 am in the morning. The first thing out of their mouths was that his ex girlfriend wanted to see him (us). They still had the prom pic of them on their dresser. Now, I know this is nothing, but it made me mad as hell! So, yes, you need to speak to your dh.
Shirley