"what to tell people"

Options
FarAwayToo
FarAwayToo Member Posts: 255
edited September 2017 in Just Diagnosed

I'm sure there is a thread on this somewhere, so please feel free to direct me there, if you know of one.

My boss knows about my diagnoses, but he just pinged me on the work instant messenger to talk about what we should tell the team. I really don't want anybody to know until I have a plan, which may not be for another week (I'm meeting a full team consisting of surgeon, MO, RO, radiologist at a University clinic next Tuesday, the 12th). My boss is saying that people will start asking questions soon, because I haven't been to the office in 2 weeks. We really only go to the office 2-3 times a week anyway, since 99% of our work is via remote phone/web conferencing anyway. The reason I didn't make it to the office last week or this week is because last Monday I had a biopsy, Tuesday - was too sore to go, Wed we work from home, Thursday had another, unrelated appointment and got a call with dx, Fri - we work from home. This week I've been meeting with a surgeon on Tuesday, giving genetic testing sample Wednesday, and I have another appointment (unrelated) today. Should've moved this one, I guess, but didn't have enough strength in me to deal with postponing it. I honestly don't want to go to the office because I'm not sure I can act "normal". Today I popped one lorazepam in the morning, and I feel great, but yesterday I was a total emotional wreck.

What was your experience telling co-workers?

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • Freya244117
    Freya244117 Member Posts: 603
    edited September 2017

    It is totally up to you how much information you share with anyone. I'm sure your boss thinks he is being helpful, but I think he is being a little pushy and inappropriate. Decide what level of sharing you are comfortable with, if it is none, then that is totally your prerogative, and let your boss know your boundaries.

    Best of luck.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MTwoman
    MTwoman Member Posts: 2,704
    edited September 2017

    I agree with Freya. It is much easier to share with someone later, but once they've been "told" the information is out there and cannot be taken back. You'd be surprised how quickly health news can travel outside the intended group. I did NOT tell many people that I worked with any details. They knew I was having some "health related" issues and the ones that I didn't personally tell respected my privacy. I actually worked quite a bit during my treatment (a series of 5 surgeries, along with all of the fills, various imaging and consultations). Depending on the treatment protocols. Rads, for example, only take about 15 min. or so daily, so that isn't really disruptive to an office routine; whereby surgeries and chemo would be longer with more need for adjustment, but if you only work in the office a small portion of the time, they won't "notice" that necessarily. I would encourage you to be deliberate about who is being told what.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • FarAwayToo
    FarAwayToo Member Posts: 255
    edited September 2017

    Turns out he was more concerned about my hours being flagged. We are a consulting arm of the IT product company and we have "utilization rates". If someone is under certain amount of "billable hours" it raises questions for people on top. Not that there are necessarily bad consequences, but it may be helpful to anticipate questions and explain them in advance. We also have so called unlimited PTO policy, and I've only taken 6 days so far this year. There shouldn't be any issues taking sick time, as long as everything is explained and projects are covered.

    My boss is great. We came up with this line "FarAway has a medical issue come up. She will be temporarily at 20 hours a week for the next several weeks, while going to drs appointments and tests".

    I told him I couldn't really see beyond these couple of weeks. Am I doing surgery first? If it's a mastectomy, I will be out of commission for how long - a week? If it's a lumpectomy, I will just need a day or two off (I can work from home in my bed with laptop on my pillow). If it's chemo first, then probably more or less normal schedule with a day or two off for the actual treatment. But I can't know this until I speak to the team of doctors and we come up with the plan.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MTwoman
    MTwoman Member Posts: 2,704
    edited September 2017

    sounds like you've got it firmly in hand. Do make this about you! It is understandable that you would rather get ahead of the "utilization rates" and "being flagged" issue. It may just be a matter of telling the few folks who review those types of reports or the HR/Accounting type folks who manage hours/benefits etc. You are 100% correct, you don't have to think about anything too far in advance.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2017

    Hi FarAwayToo,

    We agree with the other members' sentiments here -- it's completely up to YOU how much you share and to whom you share it.

    For some more helpful information, you may want to check out the main Breastcancer.org's section on Breast Cancer and Your Job, including helpful tips on Telling Your Boss & Co-workers About Your Diagnosis, Working During Treatment, and Taking Time Off Work, and more.

    We hope this helps!

    --The Mods

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • gb2115
    gb2115 Member Posts: 1,894
    edited September 2017

    I had some close friends at work tell everyone (I work in a small clinic). It was easier for me if everyone knew (it really was easier---I can't hide my emotions very well and I didn't even want to try). It was completely ok. But you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

    I never had to worry about job performance or hours off or anything. I was lucky in that regard to work for a place (and boss) who was very understanding.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • vbishop
    vbishop Member Posts: 616
    edited September 2017

    I told a few people at my office and let them know they could share, if anything it reminded people to get tested (one co-worker ended up being diagnosed a few weeks after me, because she was prompted to checks things out if in doubt). I started s blog to help communicate what was going on, how I was feeling, prognosis, the roller coaster, etc. This helped a lot! Kept me from repeating myself, friends family and co-workers would read my blog and ask questions specific to topics I discussed. It helped me verbalize what was going on, helped friends,and family stay connected and informed, and overall made all feel far more comfortable around me and about discussing breast cancer, good luck!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited September 2017

    I had a close friend/coworker tell my group while I was off for the day. I was back to work a few days later after meeting with my tittyteam with a plan and my usual determination. Everyone has been really great, the useless drama became far less and those who needed to rely on me less did so. People at all levels in the workplace rarely bother me with BS drastically reducing my frustration.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Leatherette
    Leatherette Member Posts: 448
    edited September 2017

    I asked my team leads to tell people about my diagnosis so I wouldn't have to keep telling everyone, but they were too cautious and would not. I work for a school district, so we were off for the summer, and in our first group psychologist meeting, everyone was telling me they loved my new haircut (wig) and asked me how my summer was. It was not a good day. In my actual school building, everyone knew, and is was a much less awkward return to work.

    That said, if I didn't want people to know, I wouldn't have told. Schools can be rumor mills, and I preferred having true info out there instead of everyone guessing. I also had to abruptly go on complete health leave the last month of last school year, and it is never good for morale when a colleague drops off the face of the earth and no one knows why. FarAway's work situation is a lot different.

    I don't think there's a right answer here, but it does sound like you have a good grip on it, FarAway.




    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited September 2017

    I only have LCIS (so far), but I had a terrible time with telling co-workers. When I got diagnosed (>10 years ago), I work at a hospital, and I was crying each time a person got admitted to the hospital with breast cancer, not knowing if it was going to be me. (I know much more now.) When I cry, no one can miss it: my eyes swell and are red for the next 12 hours. So, to explain my appearance, I told a few co-workers what was going on.

    The night before my excision (I work the graveyard shift), I had a co-worker tell me 'Good luck with the surgery, and X (essentially a male stranger to me, but was the Xray technician who took my mammograms who knew my diagnosis), recommends that you get bilateral mastectomies because he had a co-worker who had LCIS and that's what she got.' Now the previous contact I had with X was that about 10 years prior I had walked along with him and a mutual friend down the corridor about 200 feet, so we had said 'Hi' to each other.

    I really didn't need essentially a male stranger, who is not my doctor, let alone A doctor, tell me what to do with my breasts. (This was not the standard treatment for LCIS now or at the time.)

    Some people are very supportive, and some people aren't. We've had people telling breast cancer patients that 'they got breast cancer because they are evil' or 'You got breast cancer because you ate X' or 'You got breast cancer because you are fat' or 'don't exercise enough'. So, if everyone knows, you may get some bonehead comments. You do have to be prepared for the bonehead comments.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Doglover32
    Doglover32 Member Posts: 19
    edited September 2017

    I have been struggling with how and who to tell too. Living in a small town has its positives and negatives. How fast the rumor mills work around here is a negative. I need to stay ahead of it and make sure everyone I want to hear from me personally does. *sigh*

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kahnartist
    Kahnartist Member Posts: 111
    edited September 2017

    I completely understand. I was Dx last week and feel that until I have a plan I don't want to tell work. I have only been at my job for 3 months so I am freaking out a little. I need to work so I find myself wanting to downplay it and assure them I will be dedicated to my work and plan to Miss as little as possible. I think I should tell my bosses

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • FarAwayToo
    FarAwayToo Member Posts: 255
    edited September 2017

    Kahnartist, here's what I did. I told my boss. I took medical leave for now, but planning on going back to work as soon as I start chemo. The two weeks after I met my team and up to now it's just been a constant flurry of tests, I wouldn't be able to work anyway. 

    I start chemo on Friday. I'm planning to go back 10 days later, after my second treatment. If SEs get unbearable, aI may go back on leave. I will definitely take leave for my surgery.

    Nobody else at work knows, but I will probably tell them once I'm on chemo. We only have 5 people on our local team here, I haven't decided if anybody outside our local office should know. 

    But I have a sedentary job, and I can work from home most of the time. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories