Struggling 3 Years After BMX

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited September 2017 in Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
Struggling 3 Years After BMX
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  • Bearhitch
    Bearhitch Member Posts: 40
    edited September 2017

    Hello ladies. I want to preface this post with the fact that reconstruction with implants never has and never will be an option. Part of me is just venting - and hoping for understanding - another part of me is hoping just to hear other's point of views. So, I am 31 - I had a prolaphytic BMX about 3 years ago after finding a lump (I am also BRCA-1 positive with strong family history). I do not like wearing foobs at all and so - I don't. After my surgery my hormones went bonkers and I gained about 50 lbs and have been diagnosed within the last year with PCOS which does not help the situation. I have been able to lose 15 of it which I am proud of. But the other day - I had another acquaintance ask if I was expecting. This unfortunately is one of the most - devastating things for me - and has happened more than once since my surgery. Combining that with my daughter is getting older and I am fretting about how I will teach her of bras when I don't wear one. Of worrying if she will think I am less of a woman or can't understand since I no longer have them.

    I had considered investigating about the fat graphing procedures I have read about, but I am scared of more surgery and pain as well as the results not being what I had hoped for. Prior to my BMX I had DD's and I don't want anything that big ever again but, I wonder if I would feel better. But then I am afraid they would look like franken-boobies anyway so is there really a point? Maybe this is just part of a stage that everyone goes through a few years after surgery? Or they would have parts die and then harden and feel bad - or they would be lumpy and different sizes and that.

    I am just - struggling. I do not believe a breasts make a woman, or that I am not feminine without them. I just - I don't even know what it is.

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  • ravzari
    ravzari Member Posts: 277
    edited September 2017

    Fretting over the bra thing is a bit silly; when your daughter is old enough to wear bras, they're pretty self explanatory (honestly, nobody taught me about or how to wear them, my mom just took me to get sized and bought me a few; they're really not difficult to figure out and it's kind of impossible to put them on wrong. The worst she could do is put one on inside out and if it's underwire, she'll notice something is off right away.) and she's probably not going to need to see you put one on to figure it out.

    She'll also be more than old enough to understand why you don't have breasts and it's highly unlikely that it'll matter to her that you don't have them. Frankly, if you're BRCA-1 positive, it's a talk you need to have with her when you think she's old enough, and possibly see about getting her tested to make sure she's not BRCA positive or, if she is, work to formulate some prevention plans--which may include a prophylactic BMX for her as well at some point--to lower her risk.

    Fat grafting after a mastectomy (without implants or some other kind of recon) can be hit or miss, and usually 30-40% of the fat dies anyway and is either reabsorbed or forms hard lumps; it's unlikely you'd make it to even an A cup so unless that's super mega important to you to have something there, I'd consider it a waste of time and money honestly. It'd take several rounds to get anything beyond that, if it's even possible, and if you lose weight you risk losing that weight from the fat in the breast area.

    https://www.realself.com/breast-fat-transfer has a lot of reviews and, in addition to the positive, it's a good idea to look at the 'not worth it' ratings as well to see what could possibly go wrong and see why some women feel it was a waste of their time and money. It's also worth noting that, I think all of the reviews there are from women who had/have small breasts and just wanted them larger, and none seem to be from mastectomy patients, which is something to keep in mind. Results from patients who already have breast/fat tissue in the area are not going to be similar to the results someone who has had a mastectomy will have.

    You said it yourself: Breasts don't make a woman and they don't determine how or whether you're feminine or not.

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