STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited August 2017

    Thank you Freya. :)

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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited August 2017

    Artista - sorry about your bff skipping out when you are so helpless. Maybe once she sees how much she is needed she will change her mind about leaving you with unreliable help. Or maybe you can have a heart to heart with her about how much you're counting on her.

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited August 2017

    Had the talk with doc today about when things stop working or when I have had enough. Was a tough conversation especially for DH. She said the way my body shuts down that it will be quick. Making the decision will not be easy but feeling horrible every day is not living. I have one more A/C then on to Xeloda or another kind. She is not sure if they will work. I already have to see a heart doc from damage from the A/C. I have faith that there is a God and he has a plan and a reason but I am still afraid. Didn't think I'd be facing this for twenty years or so not at 56.

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  • Freya244117
    Freya244117 Member Posts: 603
    edited August 2017

    Dianarose, it is so wrong. I'm only a few years younger than you, and this should be our time to enjoy our lives, not contemplating our deaths. I really don't know what else to say, it just pisses me off.

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  • Lita57
    Lita57 Member Posts: 2,437
    edited August 2017

    I am with you Diana. I'm only 58, and it's getting worse.

    I had the "talk" with myself the other day. The headache pain and dizziness are getting really bad. Afraid I'll stroke out before I can get brain rads or anything to relieve pressure (MRI is tomorrow afternoon).

    I was thinking of doing VSED (voluntary stopping of eating and drinking), but because I'm still a healthy 165 lbs, it will take a while for me to die (probably more than a week). Dying from forced dehydration is no picnic, either.

    We have to go thru so much rigmarole out here in Calif to get the "end of life options" pills. Can I afford to wait that long? (It takes about a month) Plus, is this the message I want to send my DD? If it gets too bad, just take some pills?

    I don't know...I just don't know. So scared about the dizziness and relentless headaches increasing the brain pressure and causing a stroke.

    That's NOT the way I want to go.

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited August 2017

    Lita- so sorry you are in so much pain and fear. I don't want forced dehydration either. Once I stop treatment my immune system starts to self destruct and I'm sure my heart will just give out. Told DH just keep me medicated. Don't want to suffer.

    What really sucks is there is so much in the pipelines but not being approved fast enough for us.



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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited August 2017

    Freya, hahaha, really made me wonder how much I am plugged into the internet world! Way too much I think!

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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited August 2017

    Dina and Freya my heart goes out to you both. I know it is had to keep going. You are young still both of you. You just do it for your kids to be there for them. Cancer is the pits.

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited February 2018

    How horrible, my SIL couldn't eat after cancer spread through her whole digestive system. She died about 2 weeks later another SIL who is a nurse stayed with her and helped managing the pain with meds. The whole process really really upset me. My GOD cancer is so awful.

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  • Lita57
    Lita57 Member Posts: 2,437
    edited September 2017

    Please forgive the multiple posting, but I'm trying to hit all the threads I used to be active on. The end is near…

    Dear friends, it is with the utmost sadness that I write this. I went for my brain MRI today, and I received the results a couple of hours later. It's way worse than I could have ever imagined. The dr is amazed that I'm still standing…I have MORE than 20 brain tumors and I also have meningeal activity in the lining of the brain, which is very hard to treat. I have elected not to have "whole brain radiation" because it would turn me into a zombie/vegetable (given the LARGE amount of tumors I have), and I would no longer be me…just a body lying in a bed, waiting to die. My tumors are too large for cyber knife or gamma knife radiation, so I have elected "hospice care" and will be signing up for it on Tuesday, after the holiday. In the meantime, I will try to finish my third novel in the Bullmina Bulldog trilogy. The dr says I have only weeks, maybe a couple of months left. I am losing vision in my left eye, and the headaches and dizziness are considerably worse.I have been given a Rx for steroids to help with some of the pain and brain swelling. I am very fatigued and can only handle short visits.

    This totally sucks, I SO HOPED that I would have at least maybe another year. Not to be the case.

    Please keep my DH and DD in your thoughts and prayers. They are absolutely devastated. As am I.

    ...going home way sooner than I thought. But as they say, "God takes His favorites home early." I guess I'm one of the "favorites."

    I won't be checking in that often...my energy and concentration are starting to dwindle, and I want to spend as much "quality" time with my family as i can.

    Blessings to you all, Lita

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited September 2017

    Lita, I am so sorry. We are here for you.

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited September 2017

    Lita/ I'm heartbroken and lost for words. I love you my friend and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited September 2017

    Lita~💔 I have no words. Only deep sadness and sorrow. I too love you my friend. ~M~

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited September 2017

    Lita (Gentle Hug). I'm so sorry. Praying for comfort and peace for you and your loved ones.

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  • runor
    runor Member Posts: 1,798
    edited September 2017

    Lita. No words. Praying for peace for you and those you love.

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  • MoreShoes
    MoreShoes Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2017

    Lita, it's amazing how you're handling this. Praying for strength and peace.

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  • JKL2017
    JKL2017 Member Posts: 437
    edited September 2017

    So very sorry, Lita. Sending prayers for you & those you love.

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  • leanve
    leanve Member Posts: 12
    edited September 2017

    Lita, I am one that reads topics daily and rarely post but I wanted to say thank you. Your strength and honesty has helped me as well as others I am sure. Sending the strength you shared back to you and your family.


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  • ABeautifulSunset
    ABeautifulSunset Member Posts: 990
    edited September 2017

    trying to consolidate threads for Lita. Kandy created this one. All stageswelcome to comment here.

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...


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  • VLH
    VLH Member Posts: 1,258
    edited September 2017

    Lita, mostly a lurker on this topic, I've read many of your notes. My heart goes out to you and your family at this very difficult time.

    Lyn

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  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited September 2017

    Edited to move post to the other forum.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2017

    Just sitting here crying for everyone.

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  • Freya244117
    Freya244117 Member Posts: 603
    edited September 2017

    Hugs Bluebird, it is a crappy disease. As much as these forums are helpful, they also show us our future, and that can be confronting.

    I went through treatment with a lady who was dxd with a 2cm ILC, no positive nodes, grade 3, hormone pos, HER2 neg. She had a BMX, chemo, rads and then hormone therapy. We used to joke that she was going to outlive me because of my tumour size and number of positive nodes. She died 2 years later, how the hell does that make any sense and is fair in any way? It took a long while to get over the survivor guilt.

    That was nearly 7 years ago, I still cant bring myself to delete her number from my phone.

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  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited September 2017

    Lita, I am so sorry to read of this. Enjoy every minute with the family. Peace and prayers.

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited September 2017

    I am glad you're still here freya! One day at a time is all I can say. You deserve to liv everyday! Maybe keeping her name in your phone, is how you're choosing to honor her in your own way. I thinks it's pretty special ! Hugs ~M~

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited September 2017

    All the pink crap has started and it's not even October yet!!! So tired of companies lining their pockets of greed at our expense with noneof the money going to breast cancer.

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  • Freya244117
    Freya244117 Member Posts: 603
    edited September 2017

    Thanks Mel. It was so hard because she had young children.

    Dianarose, I agree completely. People selling pink stuff, or doing raffles don't know where the money actually goes when you ask them. If it's not going to research, they don't get my money.

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  • Peregrinelady
    Peregrinelady Member Posts: 1,019
    edited September 2017

    Speaking of pink crap, we have a fundraiser here called "Boobs and Beer." I know the people are well meaning, but really, that is the name that multiple people thought was a good idea?
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  • Freya244117
    Freya244117 Member Posts: 603
    edited September 2017

    Peregrinelady, What a perfect way to trivialise a serious disease. It seems to me that this happens because it's a predominately female illness. You don't hear many jokes about heart disease, prostate cancer, diabetes etc. I guess I'm just sick of it.

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited February 2018

    The whole boobs thing is so ridiculous. It is CANCER that could kill you, they just don't get it.

    Idiot commercials with baldness the focus but look your hair grows back, woman are strong, make me puke in the pink bucket already. So infuriating, this disease KILLs and it is extremely unpleasant and depressing. We need a cure that preserves are health and QOL.

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