Telling child about BMX

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JDK
JDK Member Posts: 5
edited August 2017 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

Hello,


I am looking for insight as I lost my mom to late stage ovarian cancer after she had breast cancer (she was breast cancer free for 5 years and then received the ovarian cancer diagnosis). My 11 year old son was 8 at the time (when my mom died) and still remembers my mom's experience. They were very close. Now I have been diagnosed with DCIS and am considering BMX. I need to tell my son, of course but I am looking for suggestions/experiences. We also went through a separation 2015 (my ex and I) so my son has also had to deal with that. I am just worried about how all of this is going to impact him. Thank you.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2017

    Hi JDK and welcome!

    We're sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis, but we're so glad you found us here. You're sure to receive some great advice and insight from many others here!

    In the meantime, you may want to check out the main Breastcancer.org site's page on Talking to Older Children and Teens for some good tips to broach the topic with your son.

    We hope this helps -- let us know how it goes!

    --The Mods

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  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited August 2017

    Hi JDK,

    Sorry for the loss of your Mom. I have 3 children 22,20 and 16. I was dx'd with BC on 7/27. Surgery on 8/7 a BMX. I went over and over on how to tell my kids. Espec my daughter who is the middle, 20. One of her best friends had lost her grandmother to BC the day I found out about mine, then my youngest son found out one of his friends mom died of ovarian cancer the next day. Made it even harder for me to tell them. The oldest and my daughter I wanted to ease them also because they are going back up to college and wanted them to go on and worry only about themselves. That said, and I'm not saying it was the right thing to do, but because it all happened so fast, my husband(separated) and I told them the night before. Said I have bc, they caught it early, I am going to do the best that I can do for myself and I feel that is having a BMX. I said I plan on being around for everything in their lives and I want them to concentrate on themselves and I will concentrate on me. My daughter had a harder time than my sons. Maybe boys hold it in, I dont know. I think seeing me after surgery helped them, especially with my odd sense of humor lol. I tried to keep everything as upbeat as I could but being honest. I don't know what lies ahead for me yet, still waiting on the OncotypeDx test so I don't know about Chemo yet but after I came home, I acted business as usual. My DD just left to go back to college today and I think she feels much more at ease with seeing me done with surgery and having been home during the recoup time. She was very helpful.

    It will be tough to tell him because you don't know how he will react. I would reassure him at his level, however you feel that is. By telling him you are doing the most you can do so you will be around to hug and kiss him for years to come until he says, Mom stop it and then you"ll be doing it to your grandkids. Wish you the best in moving forward with telling him. Please let us know how it goes. Stay strong. Give lots of hugs.

    I wanted to add, he is young so I don't know about him understanding BC, but yours is stage 0, perhaps telling him yours has not even gone further than a "before" that you are ensuring it won't have time to turn into an "after"..

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  • Annette47
    Annette47 Member Posts: 957
    edited August 2017

    At the time I told my kids (who were 12 and 9), I didn’t know that I had a micro invasion, so operating on the assumption that it was pure DCIS, I told them that “it’s not the kind of cancer that can kill you, but if we leave it alone, it can turn into that kind, so we need to treat it before it can do that”. That was enough for them to understand what was happening and not be afraid for me.


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  • TrmTab
    TrmTab Member Posts: 832
    edited August 2017

    i like that Annette..I had the opposite side of the spectrum, my 81 y.o. mother. "I said it is not invasive, but it has to go."

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  • NotVeryBrave
    NotVeryBrave Member Posts: 1,287
    edited August 2017

    Telling my kids I had cancer was very hard. I tried to be positive but was a mess inside. And watching them get upset made me get upset. I framed it as doing the best I could to get rid of the cancer and focused on how treatable BC is.

    Specifically to the surgery - I had originally planned to do a lumpectomy but changed my mind for a variety of reasons. My youngest (11) had the hardest time. She is the most sensitive to begin with and was kind of weirded out with the extent of the surgery planned. I did have her see the guidance counselor at school.

    We all made it through!


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  • JDK
    JDK Member Posts: 5
    edited August 2017

    Thank you for all of your replies. It stinks that we have to live this :-( I plan on telling him this weekend so he has a couple weeks to process the information. He just started middle school on Monday- so I am not telling him until the end of the week.

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