Don't know what to do

Eliznz
Eliznz Member Posts: 1
edited August 2017 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi there,

So my mum has just been told her Breast cancer has spread to the nearest lymph node and they've recommended chemo. She's already had a mastectomy a couple of weeks ago. She had a lumpectomy 10yrs ago and radiation while I was away at uni, but I was close enough to visit. Now I live so far away on the other side of the world from her and I don't know what to do. We've only been back here 3 months (we were home last year for 12months) so haven't really fully settled into life and could easily return, but we came here for a reason and now I don't know what to do. We were supposed to get married in December and everyone was coming out here to visit for Christmas and wedding and now not sure if this will happen if mums having chemo. She seems to think there might be a chance but I don't want her to struggle out here just for me. She needs to look after herself and we can put the wedding off or go home for it instead.

I was already struggling with the fact we'd left everyone and was it the right thing to leave family just to live in a place we loved? Surely family time and making memories, and the support is more important?? And now I don't know whether to stay here or try and move back. Or go back and visit. If the worst happens I don't want to miss out on time I could have spent with my mum

Just wondering if anyone had similar experiences and if so how did they come to a decision? I love my mum so much and she has always been there for me and the thought that I won't be there for her is killing me inside.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited August 2017

    Sorry to hear about your mother. These decisions are so difficult. I used to talk to my Dad alot on the phone and visit 2 times a year for the last few years of his life. I feel good about how often we talked and visited.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Traveltext
    Traveltext Member Posts: 2,089
    edited August 2017

    I think these decisions are best not rushed. Your mom doesn't have late stage bc and really, if she's had the mx, the chemo should do the job. Why not hold off on the wedding plans and just support your mom via Skype until the chemo is done and tests are in. Then, if things are not looking good, return home. Even in a worst-case scenario, your mom has years to live given the treatments these days. Keep us posted.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NotVeryBrave
    NotVeryBrave Member Posts: 1,287
    edited August 2017

    Sorry to hear about your mother. Your concerns are understood. Are there other children closer? How about your father?

    Maybe wait until you know what the chemo regimen will be and when it will start? It might take some pressure off you and her if you can fairly easily postpone the wedding for now.

    Cancer always seems to make things look different. Sometimes that's a good thing but not always. Don't let it change your life if you were certain of your plans before.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited August 2017

    Your mother's situation sounds like mine..

    I also had a lump ctow chemo and radiation......

    The second diagnosis 10 years later it was a new cancer since it was in my other breast....

    Choose lumpectomy and it was in one node......

    I wasn't no longer comfortable so I decided to have a BMX followed by 4 cycles of chemo.

    So far I'm okay

    I wish her the best

    Hugs

    Sheila

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories