i was just told i don't have "real" cancer, lol
thought this was pretty funny -
i was just at the pet store and there was a woman there, with bedazzled pink ribbons on her purse, pink bc shirt, pink toe and fingernails....
and she was wearing the MOST gorgeous headscarf. seeing what i thought was a "sister", i told her how much i liked her scarf, and asked where she got it from, in case i needed one IF i had to have chemo.
she gave me the once over, and asked what i had. (idc) then asked my stage. (1 at this point) then asked my grade (1). then she looked down her nose at me and said " you don't have real cancer, stage 1, grade 1 is really just precancer." i thanked her for that info, and told her i would let my BS know that before my mastectomy took place. she just huffed and we went our separate ways.
thankfully, no one else was in the aisle to overhear it. took me right back to jr high, i guess some mean girls never grow up. that'll teach me to open my big mouth, lol
anyway, i thought it was funny. and a little sad, but still cracked me up.
Comments
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well just sucks I'm sorry she was such a turf to you.. Your response was a good one though
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I felt bad for you until I read your response. You won. :-)
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That was exactly what it was Mean girls crap... Just because you have a worse stage cancer it doesn't mean you are a nice person.. Your cancer has nothing to do with how you are as a person. Years ago, I misread a post on the stage 4 boards and I related what someone said about Breast Cancer. Nothing to do with me, I'm stage 1. The person told me they thought when you had a mast. you were cured forever. I was trying to make the point that many women are uneducated about Breast Cancer, and that it was scary that they aren't better informed. One person on that board laced into me like I can't tell you. I kept trying to explain what I just mentioned and that I had misread the original question to begin with and that I was sorry for posting on the stage 4 board. OMG , it got worse, she kept going on about my new postings apologizing, saying you are still posting here. I was at my computer in tears.. I truly meant nothing, meant to hurt no one, and with each apology she attacked me more.. I private messaged her and told her she was a bully. Of course she took it and ran with that ,,, OOOH someone with stage one was calling a stage 4 a bully. I finally had to block her and report her to the mods. I received very nice private posts from many of the stage 4 girls telling me she had done this to others in the past. She is no longer on the boards.. I think the mods warned her, and she didn't want to be on these boards anymore. You find mean people in all walks of life, sick, well, etc... Don't let it get to you.. And thank God you are only stage 1... Yes it is cancer, but it does make our odds better, I pray, lol.
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People can be so dumb sometimes. You got the last laugh though - good job
Nancy
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Dodes - Thanks for sharing that story. Cancer snobbery. Wow.
I got comments that what I had (DCIS and then, 9 years later IDC) was not "real" cancer. However, these comments were not from other cancer patients. They were from healthcare providers, family, and not real friends.
No doubt the problems I have now that were caused by cancer treatment are not "real" problems. haha.
Thanks for posting.
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Is this like being "a little" pregnant?
I want to believe she just couldn't help it, that maybe that's just how she works through her pain and fear, but goodness, I'm sure your fear and pain is real too. I'm sorry she treated you that way
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So now it's a competitive sport? My goodness.
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i felt bad, because i wanted to wish her well, but then i was just like, dang girl......
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I think I would have asked her just what was her DX or who in her family or friends was she wereing pink for.
'Loud mouthed' me would have liked for others to have been around to hear her get told facts.
Dodes - you did good! You handled it and what 'we' might have done in the same situation doesn't matter. You were there and did great! Don't dwell on on the ignorance/stupidity of others
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Who knows maybe she was just faking it to get attention. If mastectomy doesn't qualify for real cancer I don't know what does? She must be misinformed. Too bad you didn't get a pic of all the pink ribbons etc. maybe an imposter.
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Good for you to find the humor in that exchange!
Competitive sport? That cracked me up!
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Yes she who lives longest wins, extra points for higher stages and grades and suffering. Sucks. It never occurred to me to paint it pink and pin ribbons allover. Funny if it weren't so sad. And my sister thinks she's winning, she has supra ventricular tachicardia. Said she's more likely to die sooner. So she who dies sooner wins Crazy or what? I'm a little confused about the rules. Obviously no sympathy for me from sis. You know if I make it five years without recurrence I'm cured, according to her the one that knows nothing about bc. I don't think so. It's the second five years with hormone positive.
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You ladies made my night.
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hey, this lady was olympic material if it's gonna be a competition. i'll happily be disqualified in the first heat for a false start. bwahahaha!
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Yes, I just realized I'm at the wrong event. It was all a terrible mistake
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Perfect response, Jenks. I would have wanted to strangle her with her headscarf
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What a Bitch! Do we get prizes for each stage? How about the lady thst said she was Stage 5
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Dead woman walking?.
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Wow. REALLY?! Some human beings mystify me.
A sense of humor will get us through.
Hippie Girl
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I had a similar exchange when I was in active treatment, happened at the 2012 London Olympics. Was in line for a cold drink and the woman ahead of me was in headscarf and I was 5 weeks out from mastectomy/reconstruction. We got to talking and she asked when I'd have chemo and stated I did not have to have chemo. I too was dismissed, but you know, I could see this women had been through so much and also felt though her words she was strong; we do need that . Wished her well and we parted on friendly terms. Who knows the backstory, the women I encountered could have been stage IV. I did not ask and at the time, did not matter. I was a bit touchy early on because in not having chemo or radio, perhaps my two small tumors and lakes of dcis, weren't really considered having cancer treatment by some. Since then, learned none of us are the enemy. Humor does get us through, sometimes we are the only ones laughing, yet compassion goes a long way to help healing. My best to you Dodes and wishing you a smooth recovery.
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You did good, that's the reply I'd have thought of later at night when trying to sleep. 😍
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Agree, that was a great answer.
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Wow, what an unfortunate attitude. Life is short, I wouldn't want to spend my time or energy that way but I've seen others thrive on this you vs me crap.
Beatmon, did someone actually claim to be stage 5?! I can't even imagine, smh...
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I wish there was a picture of this lady in all of her pink glory. I keep trying to imagine her
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Illimae, absolutely....I and think I've seen some one here state that. Maybe Stage 5 is crossing over! Lo
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beatmon, I guess stage 5 could've been meant that way. I'm in a fitbit group here called stage 5 but it is sort of playfully referring to what's next or beyond IV but alive and well, of course.
Some people though...
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"Stage V" are the ghosts who come back to torment a$holes like Pink Lady (who reminds me of those guys who whip it out on the playground to see whose is larger). Breast cancer is neither a game of “can you top this?" nor a pi$ing contest.
Dismissing Stage I as “precancer" or "not real cancer" is ridiculous. Mine was Stage IA, and I don't consider our DCIS sisters to not have “real cancer." Lumpectomy is major surgery. SNBs can give rise to seromas & hematomas (and some can burst and have long & gruesome healing periods). Not everyone sails through rads. AIs have side effects which we have to go through for five years or longer. And lymphedema & cording is very much a “thing."
When I was diagnosed I dropped out of the cast of the Bar Show (the annual Bar Assn. musical) because I wasn't sure what my treatment would be, how I'd hold up during it, and it wouldn't have been fair to the show to give a compromised performance. So I wrote for the show instead, which I could do via e-mail & teleconference. When I showed up at the after-party, half the people there said “You have hair! You kept your breasts! You’re not emaciated! So you didn't have cancer after all? Yay!"
Oy.
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Loved the laughs from this thread. And Dodes your response was wonderful - would love to such a fast perfect comeback, but I'm hardly ever that quick.
We're all in this together, why beat each other down? I would have rather been a spectator, but at least there's support & laughter here..
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Dodes is you ever see this lady again, please take a picture!
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