i was just told i don't have "real" cancer, lol

Options
Dodes
Dodes Member Posts: 50
edited August 2017 in Humor and Games

thought this was pretty funny -

i was just at the pet store and there was a woman there, with bedazzled pink ribbons on her purse, pink bc shirt, pink toe and fingernails....

and she was wearing the MOST gorgeous headscarf. seeing what i thought was a "sister", i told her how much i liked her scarf, and asked where she got it from, in case i needed one IF i had to have chemo.

she gave me the once over, and asked what i had. (idc) then asked my stage. (1 at this point) then asked my grade (1). then she looked down her nose at me and said " you don't have real cancer, stage 1, grade 1 is really just precancer." i thanked her for that info, and told her i would let my BS know that before my mastectomy took place. she just huffed and we went our separate ways.

thankfully, no one else was in the aisle to overhear it. took me right back to jr high, i guess some mean girls never grow up. that'll teach me to open my big mouth, lol

anyway, i thought it was funny. and a little sad, but still cracked me up. ;)

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • Mucki1991
    Mucki1991 Member Posts: 294
    edited August 2017

    well just sucks I'm sorry she was such a turf to you.. Your response was a good one though

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited August 2017

    I felt bad for you until I read your response. You won. :-)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mittmott
    mittmott Member Posts: 409
    edited August 2017

    That was exactly what it was Mean girls crap... Just because you have a worse stage cancer it doesn't mean you are a nice person.. Your cancer has nothing to do with how you are as a person. Years ago, I misread a post on the stage 4 boards and I related what someone said about Breast Cancer. Nothing to do with me, I'm stage 1. The person told me they thought when you had a mast. you were cured forever. I was trying to make the point that many women are uneducated about Breast Cancer, and that it was scary that they aren't better informed. One person on that board laced into me like I can't tell you. I kept trying to explain what I just mentioned and that I had misread the original question to begin with and that I was sorry for posting on the stage 4 board. OMG , it got worse, she kept going on about my new postings apologizing, saying you are still posting here. I was at my computer in tears.. I truly meant nothing, meant to hurt no one, and with each apology she attacked me more.. I private messaged her and told her she was a bully. Of course she took it and ran with that ,,, OOOH someone with stage one was calling a stage 4 a bully. I finally had to block her and report her to the mods. I received very nice private posts from many of the stage 4 girls telling me she had done this to others in the past. She is no longer on the boards.. I think the mods warned her, and she didn't want to be on these boards anymore. You find mean people in all walks of life, sick, well, etc... Don't let it get to you.. And thank God you are only stage 1... Yes it is cancer, but it does make our odds better, I pray, lol.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Nancy2581
    Nancy2581 Member Posts: 1,234
    edited August 2017

    People can be so dumb sometimes. You got the last laugh though - good job

    Nancy

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Blinkie
    Blinkie Member Posts: 169
    edited August 2017

    Dodes - Thanks for sharing that story. Cancer snobbery. Wow.

    I got comments that what I had (DCIS and then, 9 years later IDC) was not "real" cancer. However, these comments were not from other cancer patients. They were from healthcare providers, family, and not real friends.

    No doubt the problems I have now that were caused by cancer treatment are not "real" problems. haha.

    Thanks for posting.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Brightness456
    Brightness456 Member Posts: 340
    edited August 2017

    Is this like being "a little" pregnant? :\

    I want to believe she just couldn't help it, that maybe that's just how she works through her pain and fear, but goodness, I'm sure your fear and pain is real too. I'm sorry she treated you that way

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    So now it's a competitive sport? My goodness.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dodes
    Dodes Member Posts: 50
    edited August 2017

    i felt bad, because i wanted to wish her well, but then i was just like, dang girl......



    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kicks
    Kicks Member Posts: 4,131
    edited August 2017

    I think I would have asked her just what was her DX or who in her family or friends was she wereing pink for.

    'Loud mouthed' me would have liked for others to have been around to hear her get told facts.

    Dodes - you did good! You handled it and what 'we' might have done in the same situation doesn't matter. You were there and did great! Don't dwell on on the ignorance/stupidity of others

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    Who knows maybe she was just faking it to get attention. If mastectomy doesn't qualify for real cancer I don't know what does? She must be misinformed. Too bad you didn't get a pic of all the pink ribbons etc. maybe an imposter.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NotVeryBrave
    NotVeryBrave Member Posts: 1,287
    edited August 2017

    Good for you to find the humor in that exchange!

    Competitive sport? That cracked me up!


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    Yes she who lives longest wins, extra points for higher stages and grades and suffering. Sucks. It never occurred to me to paint it pink and pin ribbons allover. Funny if it weren't so sad. And my sister thinks she's winning, she has supra ventricular tachicardia. Said she's more likely to die sooner. So she who dies sooner wins Crazy or what? I'm a little confused about the rules. Obviously no sympathy for me from sis. You know if I make it five years without recurrence I'm cured, according to her the one that knows nothing about bc. I don't think so. It's the second five years with hormone positive.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited August 2017

    You ladies made my night.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dodes
    Dodes Member Posts: 50
    edited August 2017

    hey, this lady was olympic material if it's gonna be a competition. i'll happily be disqualified in the first heat for a false start. bwahahaha!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    Yes, I just realized I'm at the wrong event. It was all a terrible mistake

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Linwentz
    Linwentz Member Posts: 133
    edited August 2017

    Perfect response, Jenks. I would have wanted to strangle her with her headscarf

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 1,562
    edited August 2017

    What a Bitch! Do we get prizes for each stage? How about the lady thst said she was Stage 5

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    Dead woman walking?.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • hippiegirl
    hippiegirl Member Posts: 31
    edited August 2017

    Wow. REALLY?! Some human beings mystify me.

    A sense of humor will get us through.

    Hippie Girl

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LilacBlue
    LilacBlue Member Posts: 1,636
    edited August 2017

    I had a similar exchange when I was in active treatment, happened at the 2012 London Olympics. Was in line for a cold drink and the woman ahead of me was in headscarf and I was 5 weeks out from mastectomy/reconstruction. We got to talking and she asked when I'd have chemo and stated I did not have to have chemo. I too was dismissed, but you know, I could see this women had been through so much and also felt though her words she was strong; we do need that . Wished her well and we parted on friendly terms. Who knows the backstory, the women I encountered could have been stage IV. I did not ask and at the time, did not matter. I was a bit touchy early on because in not having chemo or radio, perhaps my two small tumors and lakes of dcis, weren't really considered having cancer treatment by some. Since then, learned none of us are the enemy. Humor does get us through, sometimes we are the only ones laughing, yet compassion goes a long way to help healing. My best to you Dodes and wishing you a smooth recovery.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited August 2017

    You did good, that's the reply I'd have thought of later at night when trying to sleep. 😍

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    Agree, that was a great answer.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited August 2017

    Wow, what an unfortunate attitude. Life is short, I wouldn't want to spend my time or energy that way but I've seen others thrive on this you vs me crap.

    Beatmon, did someone actually claim to be stage 5?! I can't even imagine, smh...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    I wish there was a picture of this lady in all of her pink glory. I keep trying to imagine her

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 1,562
    edited August 2017

    Illimae, absolutely....I and think I've seen some one here state that. Maybe Stage 5 is crossing over! Lo

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited August 2017

    beatmon, I guess stage 5 could've been meant that way. I'm in a fitbit group here called stage 5 but it is sort of playfully referring to what's next or beyond IV but alive and well, of course.

    Some people though...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ChiSandy
    ChiSandy Member Posts: 12,133
    edited August 2017

    "Stage V" are the ghosts who come back to torment a$holes like Pink Lady (who reminds me of those guys who whip it out on the playground to see whose is larger). Breast cancer is neither a game of “can you top this?" nor a pi$ing contest.

    Dismissing Stage I as “precancer" or "not real cancer" is ridiculous. Mine was Stage IA, and I don't consider our DCIS sisters to not have “real cancer." Lumpectomy is major surgery. SNBs can give rise to seromas & hematomas (and some can burst and have long & gruesome healing periods). Not everyone sails through rads. AIs have side effects which we have to go through for five years or longer. And lymphedema & cording is very much a “thing."

    When I was diagnosed I dropped out of the cast of the Bar Show (the annual Bar Assn. musical) because I wasn't sure what my treatment would be, how I'd hold up during it, and it wouldn't have been fair to the show to give a compromised performance. So I wrote for the show instead, which I could do via e-mail & teleconference. When I showed up at the after-party, half the people there said “You have hair! You kept your breasts! You’re not emaciated! So you didn't have cancer after all? Yay!"

    Oy.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • inccmd
    inccmd Member Posts: 69
    edited August 2017

    Loved the laughs from this thread. And Dodes your response was wonderful - would love to such a fast perfect comeback, but I'm hardly ever that quick.

    We're all in this together, why beat each other down? I would have rather been a spectator, but at least there's support & laughter here..

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited August 2017

    Dodes is you ever see this lady again, please take a picture!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories