all kinds of sex...

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"
> >
> >
> > LOUD SEX
> > A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
> > "I've got a big problem, doctor.
> > Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
> > he lets out this ear splitting yell."
> >
> > "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural.
> > I don't see what the problem is."
> > "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
> >
> > QUIET SEX
> > Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and
> > asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,
> > "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
> > She glanced at him and replied, "You're never home!"
> >
> >
> > CONFOUNDED SEX
> > A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was
> > mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him
> > that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but
> > that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was
> > considered cosmetic.The doctor said the cost would be
> > $3,500 for "small,$6,500 for "medium, and $14,000
> > for "large."
> >
> > The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but
> > the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before
> > he made any decision.
> >
> > The man called his wife on the phone and explained their
> > options.The doctor came back into the room, and found the
> > man looking dejected.
> >
> > "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
> >
> > "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

> > WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
> >
> > A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
> > 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, "When you die,
> > I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
> > 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
> >
> >
> > "Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> > that reads:'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' "

> > WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX*
> >
> > My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
> > "This will make you happy tonight."
> >
> > He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,
> > I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
> > He couldn't get back in.